Novos Fimes do Cine HD

PROM season


[ Linda Chung - I don't understand you ]

hello loves.
so prom season has been around lately. i did one of my model's (Amy) makeup for her prom. she had a mixture of greens on her dress, the design looks almost like the Galaxy type. it was sick. she asked for a smokey, so i did a green smokey with two different tones of greens. the items will be listed under her photos. hope ya'll enjoy.
EYES_
Urban Decay Primer Potion
Mac - Carbon
Nyx - Dark Sparkle
Nyx - Kiwi
Nyx - Sweet Lagoon
Nyx - Opal
Fabu Incolor - Liquid Pen Liner
Mac - Engraved Pencil Liner
Shisemi - Outter Corner Falsies

FACE_
Hard Candy - Nobody's Perfect Concealer Palette

CHEEKS_
Hard Candy - Living Doll
Hard Candy - HoneyMoon

LIPS_
Revlon - Birthday Suit

i know i've been kinna missing (what else is new), if ya'll dont follow me on twitter i have been busy enjoying life. HAH. but i havent forgotten bout my blog, i will definitely update when i got shit to post. but for now imma keep this post short and sweet. enjoy the photos!
i shall talk to ya'll later. toodles! be safe and don't get raped! *deuce deuce*

- LOVEVA
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Negative Two Days to Go!

This is another scheduled post, and I'm actually writing this on Thursday night, May 27th. Negative two basically means that we left to move to Arizona two days ago. It also concludes my countdown that was officially begun with this post.

Today we'll be leaving the motel in Amarillo, Texas. We'll continue on I-40 West for about 285 miles, and cross into New Mexico before we're done. Then we'll merge onto I-25 South, and then follow some NM-26 road. Then we'll end up on I-10 West and cross into Arizona! We'll stay in Tucson that night, and unfortunately, won't know what to do with ourselves on the next day (Memorial Day), since the office is closed and we won't be able to pay them and move in yet. We'll move in on June 1st. But what to do, what to do, on all of May 31st? I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Next time, I write, it'll be "live." I can't wait to get back online in Tucson and post all the pictures we took, and tell about the stories we made. It only gets better from here!
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Negative One Days to Go!

Negative one days to go? Eh, sonny? Well, basically, we'll have left for Arizona a day ago, so yeah... negative one. Got a problem with that? Huh? Do ya?

Since we're on the road and don't have a laptop, we don't have access to a computer. Thus, this is another scheduled post. I'm really writing this on Thursday night, the 27th.

Our trip today? We'll leave Waynesville, Missouri (where we sacked out for the night), and get back onto I-44 West. We'll cross into Oklahoma, then end up on I-40W. We'll drive for another 244 miles (and crossing into Texas somewhere along there), and stop in Amarillo, Texas for the night.

That'll be about 630 miles driven that day, and will be the end of day two (of three) of our journey.

We'll take pictures!
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Zero Days to Go! We're Gone!!!

I mentioned in my last post, that it was to be my last unscheduled post. Well, that's right. This is a scheduled post. I'm scheduling it for 12 noon on Friday, May 28th, but as I write this, it's still 11:20 PM on May 27th.

So what's going on? Hopefully we will have left before 9 AM. We'll get breakfast at some fast food place (probably McDonalds), topped off the tank in the rental truck, and headed out on the highway. We're taking I-94 West, and then hopping onto I-75 South. We'll cross into Ohio somewhere along that road. Then we'll be on US-24 West, upon which we'll cross into Indiana. Then we'll take I-69 South, and then I-70 West. We'll cross into Illinois, then merge onto I-55 South.  Then we'll cross into Missouri, and end up on I-44 West. That's about 684 miles for the day. We're stopping in a motel in Waynesville for the night. Then we'll get up in the morning and do it again! Wish us luck!  :)
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One Day to Go!

Less than a day, actually. As I write this, it's about 10:30 PM, and we're going to be leaving at, I guess, 7 or 8 in the morning. That's right, we're moving to Arizona, baby! I'm so excited!

The rental truck (a 16 footer) is packed to the max. I had so much trouble fitting everything in there, and... well, not everything did fit. We had to get rid of a bookcase, a dresser, and one chair. Yes, there was not enough room to just squeeze a chair in! I guess we needed a bigger truck. We moved the beds into the truck also, because well... we had to. They slid in just enough, and then we put boxes and bags on top of them.



It was so hot yesterday, and I was working so hard, that I needed water every 15 minutes or so. I was sweating profusely, had a headache, and felt like I just couldn't cool down. I wasn't tired until about three hours of work. Lifting, pulling, pushing. I have pretty good endurance, I guess, but it eventually began to run out. Nikki moved the truck back, and we made dinner. I laid down for a bit. I was supposed to get more boxes, but I just couldn't get up.

We got the boxes the next morning (this morning). Nikki was boosting me up, so I could reach inside dumpsters to get boxes from them. Ha ha! I refilled my hormone meds, and then we went back to packing the truck. All the stuff had fallen over from just driving it around the corner the night before. That, and I had to remove the bookcase and dresser, so we could fit other things we just needed more.


There isn't much more to tell, other than we thought we lost one of our cats, Midnight. The cats had been locked in the bathroom all day so we could leave the front door open. We let them out of there (and closed the front door, of course) once most of the stuff was packed into the truck. But we didn't tell the kids that, since they were outside somewhere at the time. We came back and the kids were in the apartment, and they couldn't find Midnight. The kids went out calling her, and holding catfood. I wasn't really upset at first, just worried. I had a strong sense that she was still in the apartment. I went out later to look for her, when it was almost nightfall. I started alternating between crying and calling her. She's our calm, loving kitty. What would we do without her? We went inside, and she was sitting on a desk (that we're leaving behind) just looking at us. Nikki and the kids started yelling and wailing. So she ran, frightened by all the noise, but they were trying to catch her. It was pretty darn funny!

I'll go for now. This will be my last unscheduled entry for awhile. Please feel free to leave comments, but they won't be accepted and replied to for a number of days. We'll arrive in Tucson on May 31st, but since it's a holiday (Memorial Day), we won't be able to move in until June 1st. Then, you know, moving 100 things (or so) back out of the truck. I'm so excited though. I can't wait to see our new place. I hope I get hired somewhere quickly!
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Last Oops (2 Days to Go!)


We unplugged our computer yesterday, to move the computer desk into the truck. I couldn't write an entry all day, so here it is, two days until we leave for Arizona, for yesterday. Next entry to come...    :)
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Final Blast From the Past Entry! (3 Days to Go!)

Three days to go! I'm getting very excited to leave now.

Here it is, my final "blast from the past" entry! I'd like to thank my laser specialist, electrologist, therapist...

Other than that, not much to say. The laser treatments never got rid of the shadow (and hairs!) on my chin and upper lip. Electrolysis did that, about two years later. I miss the LITE meetings since moving to Michigan. My toe has been fine for years now (hehe). The Mis Behavin event that I mention at the end of this entry was fun indeed.

Unfortunately, I just stopped writing diary entries for myself. I just lost interest, I suppose. The next time I wrote, it was my first MySpace blog.



Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
---------------------------------

I have a few days here in one entry. I'll start with Monday (5/19). I went to Barbara Ruggiero's to have my fourth laser hair removal session. I got a little extra work done for the same price. She did the chin and upper lip first on a slightly higher setting (37.5 joules), then did the whole face (including the chin and upper lip again) with 37 joules. It hurt a little less this time, probably because now there's less hair to absorb the heat. The soreness abated quicker also. I felt decent enough to walk into Taco Bell (still wearing makeup, a blouse, shorts and heels) to order some lunch.


Now to Tuesday (5/20). I was pretty hairy, but unable to shave. Despite that, I put on another tight, high-neckline shirt, shorts and heels, at Diana's place. (Is she getting sick of me yet?) We went to the LITE (Long Island Trans Experience) meeting together, at 7 PM. I saw Kat there, who I hadn't seen since RS Jones. She's post-op now, and recovering her eyesight since the operation in January. Her diabetes affected her somehow during the operation, and she went legally blind! That's so horrible, but I'm glad she's doing better. She has about 20/40 vision in each eye now. Anyway, I didn't speak much, as most of the talk was on SRS doctors and such. I have no experience there... yet! So it was a time to listen and absorb info. Then it was off to work. (Bleh...)
Now on to today (5/21). I had to go to the podiatrist to have my toe looked at. I had an ingrown toenail last Summer, and a few months ago, it felt overly sensitive to me even brushing it against anything. Last week I saw some pus coming out of it, so I decided to call to make an appointment. After some deliberation, I decided to take the nail polish off of all my toes. I wasn't sure, but I thought they may have to see the nail itself, and if they were to remove the polish at the office, they may rub hard and that would hurt! So to stay away from pain as much as possible (always a good idea), I de-polished them.


I went to the podiatrist's office wearing the same outfit as I did on Saturday night (only without huge breast forms!). She had to cut a bit off of the nail, which hurt for a second or two, and she prescribed an antibiotic. I asked her if I could wear any nail polish on that toe, and she said not for two weeks at least, and I have to keep a bandaid on it also. Ah well! On the way home, I put some gas in the car, dropped off my prescription, and got an egg salad bagel for lunch. Then sleepy time!

I have a few things to look forward to in the weeks ahead. A dentist appointment next week (it's so nice to enjoy visits to the dentist!), because this dental assistant, Dawn, will be there. I used to have a crush on her years back, and now she only fills in once in awhile. She hasn't seen the "new me," so to speak, so this should be fun! I already have a blouse in mind for the occasion, LOL...! It's a sleek blue gorgeous thing that I picked up from Express last week. After that, Makenna and I (and maybe others) are doing something on the 31st. There's a FemmeFever event at Mis Behavin (a bar) on June 12th (I'm trying to get the night off from work), and another TS meeting at Karen's house on June 19th. Fun fun fun!
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4 Days to Go!

Four Days in Michigan, that's just perfect. How did I pull that one off?

I don't have much to write this time. It's late and I'm tired. I went to Meijer to get some boxes. I couldn't find any big ones. I sure felt funny pushing a shopping cart around, with a bunch of flattened boxes in it!

I got my hair cut today. It was all in my face and stuff. The bangs just grow out so quick. The hairdresser was very friendly, and she did a great job. I'll color it again tomorrow night (well, it's actually the next day already... so Tuesday night, okay?).

The cassette adaptor for my iPod wasn't working, so I bought a new one. It too did not work. So the cassette player in the car must be messed up. I think this is the first time we've ever tried to use it. I wanted to get a FM tuner so I could bypass the tape player and just play it through the radio, but the cheapest decent one is $49.99. Oh well. I could just use the earbuds. I imagine they might hurt my ears after having them in for 10 - 12 hours. I guess I'll find out.

That's all for this entry. Nothing exciting, sorry. I'll try to do better with the "3 Days..." entry. Maybe I'll get my final "blast from the past" up. TTFN!
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Goodbye to Family (5 Days to Go!)

Nikki's family, that is. Today (actually yesterday as I write this) we went over her father's house for one last time, and her foster mother met us there. This is only the second time we've seen her in all the time that Nikki and I have been together (3.5 years!). She's a very religious and proper lady, so Nikki and I were worried for quite awhile that she'd never accept me, or Nikki for who she is. She came around though, or perhaps it was really never an issue at all. I do find it hard to believe, since she once helped in trying to boycott Disney for being supportive of the LGBT community (I don't know all the details there). Also, with my brand-new, very noticeable tattoo, that could've been another bone of contention. She didn't say a word about it though, and she was very friendly to me and everyone else. She even has historically gotten along with Nikki's father, who has to be the fourth member of ZZ Top.

Nikki got a bunch of going-away presents from her foster mom. Books and such. She also brought over some yummy brownies... or something. It was a mix of different kinds of cakes and things. I know Nikki will miss her parents so much. A few days ago, she was saying that whoever wants to see us will have to fly out to Tucson, because we're never setting foot in Michigan again. Now she's wondering how soon we can come back to visit.

Nikki saying goodbye to her mom. Awwww.  :(

I got to go on the trampoline again, and this time I got some pics with the kids! That is soooo exhausting, jumping on that thing. I get worn out so quickly. Imagine how fit I would be if I went on there every day for a few weeks? Gotta get one someday!

Savannah and I, goingggg... up!

We got some towels to put over the seats, both front and back. Arizona heat + leather seats = bad bad bad! We also got some stretch cords to fasten them, since even sticking them under the headrests doesn't secure them. We haven't tried to attach the stretch cords yet, so I wonder how that'll work out...

Sarah going up, and me going down!

My iPod cassette thingie was working again (I talked about this here), so I brought back the one from Radio Shack. Today though, it seemed to "skip." This is the smaller flash-driven iPod, not like the bigger 64 GB ones that have a little disc inside. It doesn't skip. My iPod never does this when I walk around with it while wearing the earbuds. So it's either something with the cassette adaptor, or a problem with the car's tape player. I could circumvent both issues by getting the FM Tuner that Samantha mentioned in my post. I wonder if I could find that at Wal-Mart?

Taking a breather. It's exhausting work! By the way, yes the pockets stick out, because they're short-shorts. I'm divided on removing the pockets. I don't like the way they hang out sometimes, or the design... but hey, practicality counts. What to do, what to do???

I got myself real busy just a few hours ago, printing out directions to Tucson, and figuring out where exactly we should stop for the night. I had to break the trip into three parts, and I made sure that the motels offered breakfast, and didn't have slews of horrible reviews. We reserved rooms at all the motels. We're stopping in Waynesville, Missouri, after travelling about 684 miles. Then we travel another 632 miles and end up in Amarillo, Texas. Then it's 727 miles (ouch) and we'll be in Tucson. When we get to Tucson, it'll be nighttime, so we have to stay in one more motel (three total), and then it'll be the morning of the 31st. Which is ummm, Memorial Day. Oops. It's very likely that the apartment's office won't be open due to the holiday, so then we'd have to stay another day at the motel. Luckily, this one is the cheapest, at only $55 a night.

One of those rare moments when Savannah and Skylar get along. I kid you not, this is rare... and sweet.  :)

While we over at Nikki's dad's, he put training wheels on a bike for Skylar. Now that she can actually reach the pedals, she can really move on that thing... well, until she encounters any sort of bump on the ground. Then she needs a little oomph. She's so adorable though, how happy and proud she is of herself! Yay Skylar!

Look at her. She's all, "Yes, I'm all that... and I love it!"

I have packets of directions printed out, including the 2,040 mile drive from our home in Michigan to Tucson, the drive from the motel in Tucson to the apartment complex, and the drive to and from the truck rental facility. So I think we have that covered. We leave on Friday, and oh yes, that's... five days from now! Wooooh!

Urbanscape, indeed! Though we'll be off by the Rincon foothills. We'll see how urban it is over there. By the way, I love the shoes! I'd prefer them in pink or purple though.  ;)
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Tattoo Touch-Up (6 Days to Go!)


I finally got my phoenix tattoo touched-up! You can read about my original session here, and see some more pics here. Below are some photos, but first, a few anecdotes, if you will.

This session hurt worse than last time, yet only lasted an hour or so. Why did it hurt worse? First of all, he was using a smaller needle than last time, which causes more of a stinging, piercing sensation. Second of all, and what probably had the greatest impact: My skin, even after 19 days, still had not completely rejuvenated. Sure, the scabs were pretty much gone... but barely.

Thankfully, like I said, it was over fairly quickly. He told me, "All I have to do now is color the eye red." I was all, "Really? That's it?" Anyway, yes, I did get the eye colored red, and you can see the result above (though there is glare, sorry!). I do like the color there, as it really stands out against the blue, but I'm not entirely happy with the shape of the eye. I can always get it fixed for $20 or something down in Tucson. We'll see. Anyway, on with the pics!

This was at the beginning of today's session. He had just wiped the smudgy blue ink off my skin. It didn't feel quite as bad as the wipe-offs during my first session!

Happy (that's his name), doing what he does best.

No, I wasn't asleep here. I wish! I was actually feeling intense pain when this was taken. Who would've known, right?

I wore sandals that day, and kicked them off once I got in "The Chair." Thus you can see my toes curling and my feet rubbing against each other. Some people just say "OW!" a lot. Not me.


Here he's coloring the eye red. Coolness.

A picture can be worth a thousand words. This, a painting at the Happy Tats parlor, sums up my feelings on how painful it was to have this tattoo done. `Nuff said.

Happy and I. It's not that I'm that small (although I like the effect here, ha ha!), it's more that Happy is just big. He has to be over six feet tall, easily. And yes, he loves metal. I hope we come by here again and I'll get to see him. He's a really great guy, and a superb tattoo artist.

I saved my "countdown pic" for last this time. Six days until "hasta la vista, Michigan!" And good riddance! This is a really awesome pic, by the way. My favorite so far.

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Oops Again! (7 Days to Go!)

I missed a day again. One week `til we leave for Arizona. Wow, just a week!

Nikki and I watched "But I'm a Cheerleader," and then went to bed since it was so late and all. I've seen the movie once, but it was Nikki's first time watching it. If you've never seen it, I would highly recommend it. It carries a powerful message, that one should be who they are and not try to be someone they're not, just to please others. That, and the whole "Ex-Gay" thing is a farce!



Gotta go! I'm off to get some finishing touches on my tattoo. The appointment is in less than two hours. Blog with pics to come tonight. Film at 11. Wish me luck!
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Auntie M's and the PVC Skirt (Blast From the Past Entry) (8 Days to Go!)


Eight days to go until the move! Attack of the Malaysians? I wouldn't mind being attacked by these Maylasians. Okey-dokey, now here's the part where I wait for Nikki to read this entry and wack me over the head with a random item...

Here's the penultimate edition of "blast from the past." If I do any after more after the last entry, it'll be scans of funny stuff I drew or what-not. Not even trans-related. So enjoy it, willlya? And please comment if you can think of anything to say. My commenters have fallen by the wayside, even on my current entries.

I don't remember much about my parents being away from home. I think it was for a week, and I could come and go as much as I wanted to, being the only one in the house. It was a tantalizing taste of freedom. In fact, now that I think about it, I did go to the bank all dolled up, just to withdraw cash from the ATM. I was wearing my Mudd heeled sandals that I also mentioned below. I still have them, and they're still my favorite pair of shoes, despite the scores that I've worn since `03.

Auntie M's closed quite a few years ago.




May 17th, 2003
------------------

My happy little "vacation" is at an end. My parents came back yesterday, so Amy is back in hiding. I went out to dinner with Dee (who now prefers the name Diana), after getting ready at her place. I was wearing a blue stretchy shirt that's actually a young mens' shirt. I wore jean short-shorts and my new "feel good" Mudd heels. I really looked like I had huge boobs with this shirt! The real reason I wore it, is because the collar is cut high, to cover my annoyed birthmark. That last laser session left a bunch of scabs on it. Ick!

We went to a diner near the Smithaven Mall. I ordered a full dinner: flounder stuffed with crab, soup, salad, fruit cup, potatoes, creamed spinach... the works. There was another customer there with her husband or boyfriend, who was laughing, and then just staring at me. It didn't really bother me until she was watching me eat my entire dinner. How rude! This one man in the lobby (before we were seated) made a funny comment that I was "pushing the season," as I was wearing shorts, and the nights are still kind of chilly. I always do that though. I just love summer clothes.


Afterwards, Diana went home, and I picked up Carmen. We were going to Auntie M's to see the drag show and to see Karen (owner of FemmeFever). I changed out of the shorts, and into a black shiny pvc skirt. Oooh, naughty Amy!
Yep, it looks pretty much just like this!

It was pretty crowded that night at Auntie M's, so I had to park pretty far away, on a side street by a 7-11. On the walk to the bar, I got two "woooh's" and one cry of "crazy legs!" Insane gams? Hmmm... Anyway, we made it inside in one piece, and Karen said she thought we were two gg's walking in. She looked tired, but it was great to see her again.


After the drag show, I played some pool with Carmen, then we played as a team against two guys. One of them thought he recognized me from somewhere in guy mode, but he didn't look familiar to me at all. We left around 4 am (!!!), and I got a few more "woooh's" and whistles as walked back to the car. I should've known that skirt was trouble. Guess I'll have to wear it again soon...!


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Hellish Day (9 Days to Go!)

Nine days! Single digit days now. A week and a half to go! Get us out of Michigan, woo hoo!

We had a bit of a hard day yesterday. First, our African albino clawed frog (named Frenzy) died.  :(  We had her for two years. I loved dropping the food pellets on her when she was near the top of the water (as you can see in the photo). When she did this, she'd be hunting and ready to pounce... so she would jump a little out of the water to get the pellet in her mouth, and then use her front feet to push it the rest of the way in. She was so cool. We'll have to get another one in Arizona.


Nikki took great pains to empty the tank of water and gravel, making sure not to get any gravel in the sink's garbage disposal (we've done that a bunch of times and really messed that thing up!). We were eating dinner, and she got up to get a drink. Our "dining room table" (ha ha, what dining room?) is right against the kitchen, so Nikki was backing up to get away from the chair so she could turn around. Crack! Her foot hit right into the tank, which was on the kitchen floor. The back of her foot was bleeding, and there was a big hole in the tank, out of which was pouring the last remaining water in the tank. I grabbed an alcohol pad (I know, owie!) and a band-aid, mopped up the tank water, and took the tank to the dumpster. Oh well. The tank had a slow leak anyway. I'm just sorry my baby got hurt, and that we lost our froggie. We also lost a rat (Makenna) and a green tree frog (Guacamole) over the last two months. It's sad that so many of our babies won't be making this trip with us.



Then Sarah got in some major trouble. You see, her teacher told the class to write a true story in which she got in trouble. So she proceeded to write a story (excellent work, by the way) in which she and Savannah were riding the bikes in Wal-Mart's bike aisle, and someone announced over the intercom that they needed some attendance in the bike section. They got scolded by an employee to get off the bikes. Nikki and I had no knowledge of this until reading the story. The only thing we knew, is that Sarah was upset because "Skylar knocked over a display and we got yelled at." She dumped the whole thing on Skylar, when in reality, she had nothing to do with it. She could only watch her sisters ride the bikes, since her feet couldn't reach the pedals! Oh yeah, and being speech-delayed, she's the one least able to defend herself or explain what really happened. Nice, Sarah. Now she's grounded for five days, and Savannah was grounded for two. Why three extra for Sarah? I'm getting there. But just imagine... this kid gets away with something and manages to keep everything a secret from her moms... and then writes about it, and hands me the story, saying, "You'll probably get mad when you read this, because it's about a bad thing I did, and I never told you about it." So we did get mad. And grounded her. And then she didn't understand why. Don't misunderstand, she never told us for any altrusitic reason, but it's more like she doesn't have any common sense. I love her very much, but I worry about her, and how she's going to get by, growing up on this nutso planet!

We came home from the store, and then Sarah saw her friends. They had been messing around with baby birds, trying to help them, and some not trying correctly. There was a young girl who was allegedly throwing a chick into the air to "help it fly," and it would just to fall to the ground. Repeat. Anyway, her friends rushed up to her to tell her who was messing with the birds now. She wanted to go over to wherever these birds are. But she's grounded, remember? Plus we don't want her getting any diseases from handling these animals. Into our apartment we go, and Nikki called the Humane Society, the local police department, and Animal Control. The only one who would take the birds was Animal Control, but we'd have to pay them $125. What?


So in the meantime, Sarah is trying to get past me (unsuccessfully, I might add), since I'm blocking the front door. Well, I can't make dinner if I'm standing in front of the door for an hour, now can I? So she goes to her room. "Good," I think. Wrongo! She's yelling to some of her friends, and taking out the screen so she can go out through the window. I yell to the kids, "Get away from our window. NOW!" They ran away like dogs with their tails through their legs. Well... the dogs would've had tails. The kids didn't have any tails. Anyway... She wanted to call her father, who then told her to listen to her mother. No help for her there. Nikki eventually took her outside to look for the birds, when she calmed down a bit. They couldn't find them, and the kids said they were gone. Not dead gone, just gone. They came back and we had dinner. Whew!

Then Sarah showed us this cellphone she found. We turned it on and it worked. Sarah told us, "I found it in the garbage, and the man who owned it just moved out of the complex." Nikki called a few of the contacts in the cell's address book, and left messages stating that she has their phone if they're looking for it. Then Sarah says she thinks she knows who it belongs to. I said, "I thought you knew who it was, and they had just moved away." She just looked at me. Then she told us in passing, "...and when I found it on the stairs..." Stairs? "I thought you found it in the garbage?" I asked. So then she actually says, "Okay, the lying stops here. I found it on the stairs, and I think it belongs to one of the apartments upstairs from us." The lying stops now. Great. Good to know. She really should be grounded for a month for all of this put together, but since we leave on Friday of next week, we don't want to deprive her of her last few days with her friends. So she can see them again starting Monday. Sigh...

The owner showed up today, by the way, and he lives nowhere near this complex. I think someone else found it and made their way over here and just left it, then Sarah found it outside. But still... she didn't even want to give the phone back. And when we told her that he came to get his phone, she asked if he gave us any reward money.

I'm hoping the next nine days (well, 8 days and 10 hours as I write this) are much better than this one! Oy vey!
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Oops! (10 Days to Go!)

I missed a blog post yesterday! So it was 10 days until our move to Arizona, as of yesterday. LOL! "Real" blog entry to come later today or tonight. Have a good day, everyone.  :)
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Holiday House Party (Blast From the Past Entry) (11 Days to Go!)

A few notes on this one. I remember "shaving myself down," and hey, I don't miss that at all. I still shave my legs and arms. I shave my stomach about once a month. The hair, while very soft, takes forever to grow. So it's like peach fuzz until about a month in, when it starts getting too long to be peach fuzz.

Vanessa's mom died in March of 2004. I really miss her. She accepted me so much more than my own mom did.

Karen is the owner of FemmeFever. She's so sweet, and I think one of the other FF girls told me, "We've all had a crush on Karen at one point or another." It makes sense. After going for years without, you finally find someone who is not only attractive, but accepts you for who you are.

Woah. I'm reading this now for the first time in at least four years, and I really wrote this? "I can be feminine when I want, and then just relax and be a guy afterwards." It's hard for me to imagine that I ever felt that way or thought that way. But notice that a few paragraphs later, I'm trying to get my brain around transitioning... without transitioning! It was only six months later, that I decided I wouldn't ever go back to "being a guy." Ever.

The pictures posted here were originally posted in this entry, as I had the pictures but not the diary entry. In fact, I didn't even remember I wrote about this until I found it again.



December 14th, 2002
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I went to my first FemmeFever "house party" and I had a great time! I had a little bit of trouble sleeping as I sometimes do. I look forward to the get-togethers, and just "being Amy" so much. But at least I got five hours of sleep today. I got up, showered, "shaved myself down" again (I hadn't shaved in over a week), and went to Vanessa's house to get ready.

Unfortunately, Nessa wasn't feeling good and couldn't meet us at Auntie M's afterwards. But Nessa and her mother still let me get ready at their house and then come back afterwards to sleep over. I thank God for Vanessa and her mother. I would be lost without them. I try to remind them as much as possible without being redundant, that I appreciate them, and what they do for me, so much.

Vanessa even had Christmas cards for Michelle & Cecile, Lilly, & Karen. I didn't even think of that! Although I had a birthday card for Karen. I really like her. I don't know if it would be right for her to have a personal interest in someone in her "club" as more than a friend though. I wonder... ;)

So I drove to Karen's, actually found a place to park not far from the house, and upon entering, saw so many familiar faces. I was so happy to see Lilly, Michelle, Anna, Heather, Karen of course, Carmen and Suzy (who I met at the Father Jerry photo shoot), and Kristine and Phyllis (who I met at RS Jones). I also met Andi, who is so funny and crazy. :) She told me I was "so cute, just look how cute you are!" Of course, I'll never get tired of hearing things like that from anybody. :)


What are the highlights of the time at Karen's house? I talked to so many interesting girls like me, I had delicious shrimp cocktail, took some photos, was in some photos (I still have yet to see some of those group shots by the tree), I lost my amethyst off my necklace (the necklace just came off, didn't break though, thank God), but I found it in the bathroom, thank God again! I got a manicure set from the grab bag. Carmen got the gift I bought, a huge makeup set. All kinds of eye makeup, lipsticks and blushes. I'm glad Carmen got it, she deserves it. :) I liked it so much I was tempted to just grab my own gift, but nahhh, that would have been boring.

I keep wondering if Karen really likes me, but she seems to be very friendly and "flirty" with many of the girls. When we were posing for the group shot, Karen and I were sitting in front of the tree with others sitting or standing behind us. She started playing footsie with me, and then she put her legs over my legs... it was pretty surreal with both of us wearing panyhose, lol! But it felt nice and got my heart beating a little faster. I am soooo bad at being able to tell if people are just being friendly or genuinely have an attraction or fondness for me. So it's the same case here. Karen has John (or Siandra, John's "femme name"), but I have heard it's an "on-again, off-again," relationship. Maybe they see other people, I don't know... I don't know if it would be proper to ask Karen out on a date...? It's probably complicated since she runs the group/club/whatever you want to call it, and I am one of hundreds of members. Well, I'm sure I'll see more of her, so we'll see what happens... if she keeps up with the flirting, I'll either jump her bones or faint, lol!

Afterwards, we went to Auntie M's. I followed Michelle there, and Lilly followed me. It's a very small bar, pool table in front, one "unisex" bathroom. A few guys were staring at me when I came in, & once again I cannot "read" people. I don't know if they're staring at me because they find me attractive, they do not like me for some reason, they are trying to figure out what gender I really am, hehe. I have no idea. But I had a good time there. There were some verrry attracive lesbians/bisexuals (?) there...very young and very nice...they did not stare at me though, oh well. :) There was one there who looked like Dominique Swain...oooh, I love Dominique Swain! Now guys are staring at me, I am staring at this Dominique look-alike, and she seems oblivious to all of this, ha ha! :)


There was some girl (also very attractive) playing pool while laying ON the pool table, hehe. Heather goes over and "chases" her off. Heather is sooo funny, just irrepressible, really. And of course, that is great! :) I talked to Phil, who is a Vietnam vet and former firefighter...wow...my father was in Vietnam. He was too embarrassed to come dressed. I do feel bad for those who are older and of a heavier build than me. Some of them feel unattractive or embarrassed. Not everyone can be 5'5" and be "out" in their 30's like I am. But someday (unless something terrible happens to me), I'll be that age myself. I do not judge anybody by their age, weight, gender, sexual persuasion, race, etc... I just try to be thankful and appreciate what I have as much as possible without having a swelled head over it.

So anyway, Phil finds me very attractive, and he is bi-sexual. He bought me TWO drinks, spent 8 bucks on me, which I appreciated very much. Unfortunately, I am only occassionally "bi-curious" as I have mentioned before. If I ever do have an encounter with a man or another T-girl (who is usually still a man under all that anyway), it would be with someone I know very well and am totally comfortable with. And it will very likely never happen, and no big loss if it doesn't. And if it did happen, I may or may not enjoy it. I just don't know at this point. It is not at the forefront of my mind anyway. I just enjoy meeting all these interesting people, and making friends!


Speaking of which, I spoke to Andi, who I mentioned above. I'm not sure what made Andi confide in me with her dilemma, though I am glad she did. (Even though it's very sad.) Maybe she is attracted to me (at this time I don't know her sexual preference), maybe I was just there at the right moment, I don't know. But she is married (to a gg), and has three kids... and is now at the point where she wants to get SRS. This is probably the end of her marriage I am guessing, and maybe the alienation of her kids. Plus "coming out" in the workplace. She is very depressed living life as man, and she showed me scars on her wrist, which I'm not sure is from suicide attempts or self-mutilation. I tried to console her as best as I could, and I can only imagine what it must be like. I do not hate my male persona at all, but I do enjoy my female persona more. But I like the way I am, having the "best of both worlds." I can be feminine when I want, and then just relax and be a guy afterwards. But not everyone is like this, and Andi is one of them, has a need to be a woman that just won't go away. So the only choices are to stay the way she is, and be miserable, just wanting this all her life and never getting it...or make the change into a woman and risk messing up everything else, family, job, marriage, etc...it must be so hard to make a choice like that. So I want to help her in some way. I sent her an email a day after the party, left her my cellphone number if she ever needed to talk or whatever.

Anyway, three gin and tonics later (two of which were bought by Phil...thank you Phil!), I was feeling very happy, hehe. I hugged almost everyone goodbye, and usually I am very hesitant in doing that. I gave Karen a nice squeeze.  :) I just have never hugged much and done touchy-feely things like that in "guy mode," but I want to be very sweet and everything as Amy, so hopefully one day I will be as sweet and nice without being totally blasted! Hee hee.  :)


Kristine drove me home, and I left my car in the lot. I very much appreciated her for doing that for me. :) She's very pretty also. Some of the girls are sooo pretty and feminine, then they speak and I hear a "guy voice," and I don't even expect it. Kristine wears very nice outfits, satin (or satin-looking) blouses, leather skirts, sexy heels, long-ass legs, and her makeup and hair are immaculate. I get "fooled" sub-consciously into thinking a sexy, sultry voice would come out of that mouth!  :)  So she drove me to Vanessa's house, it was 1 am at that time. I changed and broke out the makeup remover pads, and had to relate my conversation with Andi to Vanessa before calling it a night. Vanessa has had problems similar to Andi's (not related to gender identity though, caused by other things), so I figured she would understand at least the symptoms of these problems, even if she couldn't relate to the cause itself (the cause being this life-shaking, potentially life-destroying, thing that is called having SRS, and the reactions of those you love).

Now a related thought, which has been invading my mind more and more lately. As I do more and more "Amy-related" things, I begin to love it more and more. I am starting the hair-removal appointments in January, thinking of removing the birthmark on my shoulder, going to these FemmeFever get-togethers, thinking of growing my hair into at least a semi-feminine style, and just going out in "drab" with some makeup, clothes on, etc... I begin to fantasize more and more, about if I lived by myself (or with an understanding roommate), I could just wear these clothes/makeup/etc..., all the time. Then I might even consider going dressed to the workplace. Just imagine...! Going to work in a dress, blouse and skirt, or just jeans and a shirt, but with the makeup, hair, nails, etc...! Wow. I would be so nervous, and people would probably be giggling, staring, etc... But I would still feel great. I would ask the management first though, and I have a feeling they would be okay with it. This job is the only job I have ever had that I actually like my supervisors, bosses, etc...usually I get along with the other employees and not the management. But I guess I would tell them, "I am a crossdresser, and I prefer to wear women's clothes and makeup. Would this be acceptable to come to work dressed in that way?" Man, I am so curious as to what they would say! I would of course reassure them that I wear normal women's clothing. A lot of people do not know a lot about crossdressers, and they may mistakenly assume that I would come wearing some gaudy outfit or wear inappropriate clothes. Maybe I would stop by in person to discuss this, and show some photos of how I would present myself at work. I don't think I would be fired for this... either they say yes, and it's fine... or they would say no, and I would continue to attend work in "guy mode." They already had a outwardly homosexual man work there, and he used to wear wacky leather outfits and do his nails with the girls there. Anyway, I keep thinking about this. But, this could only happen after all of the following happen first: A) I live in my own place or with an accepting roommate, B) I finish up my laser hair removal (as I mentioned before, my skin is so sensitive I can't shave every day or even every two days, so stubble is not acceptable, I have to totally look the part at work, for me anyway), C) grow my real hair long (that wig would really get on my nerves every day), and probably also D) get that birthmark removed. Now...B and D are happening real soon, C will take awhile, and I hope I can get my hair to look nice, and A is probably very far off. This job is great, but $10.25 an hour is not enough to live on, especially with child support taken out. I can barely afford my bills as it is. So it's either get another job or a second job (who may or may not let me come dressed as Amy in the workplace), or take a few years to pay off my debts (without running up new ones!), get some raises in the meantime hopefully, and find a roommate or girlfriend to live with. Just some thoughts... but I would love to live full-time or almost full-time as Amy. With my hair long and my facial hair removed, I would only have to throw on some girly clothes, put on makeup and go. Soooo easy compared to now. Shaving... I hate it. That shadow is always there no matter how close I shave. Covering my birthmark... hate it. Takes so long and the concealer gets on my outfits. The wig... I love my wig, but my scalp gets hot and itchy, it gets tangled, smells like smoke after going out to places like Auntie M's. And living with my family... I have to hide everything. If I lived away from home, I would probably only be in "guy mode" to see my family and my friends who don't know about this. I wouldn't want to hurt my family or my daughter. Besides that, just be Amy... go out anywhere as Amy, sleep as Amy, go to work as Amy... just be that way all the time. How wonderful it would be. Maybe this will happen eventually. It's just nice to think of it.  :)

All in all, it was a great night! I'm not sure what the next "Amy event" will be, but I do want to go to another of Karen's house parties on Jan 31st, a Friday night, which may be a sleepover/slumber party, if enough are interested. Another night I have to take off work, ah well. Then I may have my first facial hair removal session on the next day. My appointment right now is for Jan 10th, a Friday, so I would have to take off two Friday's in one month, that would be not so good. So maybe I can schedule a Saturday appointment for hopefully later in the day. They only do Saturdays every six weeks or so, and Feb 1st is one of those Saturdays. I just have to call them on Monday to find out if they have any good times for me on that day. In any case, I'm looking forward to banishing my beard.  :)
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