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Tuesday, July 04, 2006
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Current mood: indescribable
Some of you may question all the the Phoenix pictures on my profile, and what Phoenix means to me. The character of Phoenix, from the X-Men, has always held some amount of significance in my life.
I've been an X-Men fan since I was six years old. My father used to bring me home comic books as a reward for doing well in school. I was always fascinated by them. I quickly became bored of Spider-Man, Superman, and Batman... but I was mystified, awed, and inspired by the X-Men. I was reading way beyond my reading level all throughout grade school (and probably beyond), due to comics. While other young children were reading "See spot run," I was reading about neutron galaxies inside black holes, creatures born of radiation due to mankind's negligence, as well as quite sophisticated and very real issues. With Marvel Comics in particular, the characters were very lifelike. They had doubts and problems. They got married, divorced, hooked on drugs or alcohol, or died. Gwen Stacy, Peter Parker's first girlfriend (no, it wasn't Mary Jane who was first one, believe it or not), died at the hands of the Green Goblin. Captain Marvel died of cancer... yes, cancer. And Phoenix died as a result of her having the power of a goddess, which no human being was designed to handle. "Absolute power corrupts absolutely." It is a very true concept, but that isn't what inspired me so. The next three paragraphs summarize the story of Phoenix's rebirth and death. The Dark Phoenix Saga may be the most popular, and most controversial story in comics history.
Jean Grey, aka Marvel Girl, often played a backseat to the other X-Men. She was a typical 60's-style super-heroine, with generally passive powers, and often on the defense rather than the offense. (Another good example: Invisible Girl in that time period. Her powers were mainly used to turn things and people invisible, and to create protective force fields. Now look at her... she is one of the most powerful heroes of all. She could create a bubble of force inside your heart and expand it until it explodes.) She was beautiful, and just so nice and sweet. Once the "All-New, All-Different X-Men" came about (introducing Storm, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Wolverine, and Banshee), it wasn't long before Jean Grey underwent a vast transformation... into Phoenix. She became all at once sexy and exotic-looking, had a major attitude adjustment, and had power beyond limits. Fellow X-Men and readers alike were both awed and just a bit apprehensive regarding Phoenix. She fought with little concern for her enemies' well-being, pulling no punches. Her power manifested itself in that of a phoenix, a magnificent bird of prey, made of flame. To this day, I feel a sense of wonderment upon looking at this bird of fire.
Phoenix saved the universe from the mad dictator of a space-faring race known as the Shi'ar. She was described as being "as beautiful and as terrifying as a star." I was in love. Unfortunately, Phoenix was so powerful that the writers didn't know what to do with her. Her powers dwarfed those of her team-mates. She was able to defeat any foe with ridiculous ease. She was often relegated to a back seat status, and wouldn't show up in the pages of X-Men for months at a time. For me, this just added to my fascination with her. They gave me just enough to keep me intrigued, while still wanting more.
After the X-Men returned from a long adventure spanning the globe, they were reunited with both Phoenix and Professor X, who had thought them dead (and vice versa). We began to see more of the elusive Phoenix. Unfortunately, she began to fall under the spell of that nasty little bastard, Mastermind. He used a device created by the White Queen to read her mind, find her hidden desires, and project lifelike illusions directly into her mind. He wanted to corrupt her and make her his pet, to use Phoenix's power for his own nefarious purposes. She became the Black Queen, a member of the Hellfire Club, and helped them to defeat the X-Men. However, she eventually broke free from his control and enacted her revenge on him in a rather unique way. Yay, the X-Men were finally free and had escaped the Hellfire Club! But now, Phoenix had been corrupted into the evil Dark Phoenix. It seemed that she wanted to kill the X-Men, but she could have done that instantly. Instead she toyed with them, and then flew into outer space, and ate a sun for more energy... causing it to go supernova and kill billions on a nearby planet. The Shi'ar saw her, and fired on her, and she destroyed the ship and it's crew. Then she went back to Earth, and the X-Men surprised her. Professor X installed a series of psychic circuit breakers in her mind, to keep her from having such complete access to the Phoenix power. All seemed well, but then the Shi'ar demanded that Phoenix be destroyed in order to spare the universe, and as punishment for her crime of killing an entire planet-full of people. The X-Men fought to save her, and in that battle, Dark Phoenix was unleashed once again, and Jean Grey telekinetically fired a cannon at herself, committing suicide. She saved the universe again, only this time from herself.
I cried upon seeing her death. She was my favorite character of all. She was the most powerful, the most beautiful, and yet she was vulnerable and had a dark side just like all of us. It was such a sad time for me, and many other X-Men fans. Cyclops, another favorite character of mine, left the team due to his unbelievable grief. The X-Men weren't quite the same to me, and shortly after, John Byrne resigned as artist and co-writer. X-Men started really going downhill at that point.
The main theme behind X-Men is prejudice, and being outside the norms of society. I have often felt like I am outside of society, for obvious reasons. Sure, people are more educated and open-minded these days, but I often feel like a mutant... an outcast. Someone who didn't choose to be different, but had it thrust upon her. That said, I enjoy my differences, and I celebrate them. I would not want to lose my uniqueness, as when Rogue chose to become human in X-Men 3. I have a place in this world just like anyone else, and I don't have a high regard to the state of the human race anyway.
Phoenix is my idol. My inspiration. I see a lot of similarities between her and I. No, I don't want to destroy the world (well, maybe on a bad day, heh!), but I do see resemblances between my emotions and Phoenix's powers. My emotions are very powerful, and they tend to overwhelm me. I've been told by some, that I am sensitive to the point where my emotions run deeper than most other people's. Lucky me. My emotions are beautiful, and a part of me, but they can take over and make me do foolish things. Should I have my emotions diminished with a "circuit breaker," like what Professor X used to help Jean control her powers? For me, this would be a medication, like a mood stabilizer or an anti-depressant. I'm not sure if I need something like that, and even if I did, I wouldn't want to be on it. My emotions are part of what makes me, me. I feel that I would be less beautiful, less me, without them as they are. I must try my best to control them, not let them control me.
I feel as if I'm being reborn like Phoenix was. Reborn into something better, but not yet known. Someone special to me has this written on her page, "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising everytime we fall." I may fall, I may be defeated, but I will rise again... better and more powerful than before.
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