Some days I just wish life were a bit simpler. You remember how when you were a kid, everything seemed extra amp’d? Colors seem more vibrant, days lasted longer, happiness was fuller through your eyes, and you were just unstoppable. But now, you see your world crumbling little by little; people struggling left and right of you. Now you and your family seem to be stuck in this world for survival. Everyone has his or her baggage, problems, issues, situations; that’s what’s been keeping us together as one. That is one huge thing we all have in common no matter what color, shape, shade, religion, beliefs; it don't matter because in the end we’re all at a struggle. I just felt like I had to vent a little, my bad if this blog seem a bit downing for some of ya’ll; some times you just need to vent and spill out your heart and guts. Take a breather from your every day life yanno? It’s as if we are programmed to do the same thing every single day for the rest of our last breathing life. Maybe I’m not making sense or maybe I am. Depends how you see this, if ya’ll know me, ya’ll know I’m definitely a daydreamer; these things do cross paths into my daily dreams. You just can’t help but think how much longer can everyone hold on? How much longer can your family hold on? Can you hold on for the sake of the ones you love most? Or is love just an overrated myth? Maybe our brains were shot up with an IV – dose of love before we we’re even able to have one underestimation thought of it. Whatever it is, Love is what keeping us going like an energizer bunny which been charged and wired up. Why do people do things that are considered ‘wrong’ or ‘right’? Why is it that every single aspect of our lives is being judged? Or has a rule, restriction, or tamer? I really don’t know, these are questions that not any human mind sum up on the daily basis. Why am I the unusual one from the rest? Just because I think about this and they don’t? Does that mean I don’t belong in this world? The other day my sister had asked me when did grandma (my mom’s mom) die while she was in the living room with my mom and aunts (from my dad’s side) talking. For a quick recap, I am extremely close with my grandmother; she basically took care of me as I grew up. Took me to elementary school there and back home, fed me after school and what not. Because my parents had to work, siblings had school; so I was hanging out with my grandmother a lot when she was here. It still hurts to this very day to hear about my grandmother, so when she asked when she had passed; I looked at my left hand (where my tat of her rip date is) and my eyes just filled up in tears. I didn’t cry, but it’s amazing how a human heart can be filled with so much pain still over the years. I overheard my mom mention to my aunts, explaining why they had asked me for the exact date and why I would know because I loved my grandmother very much and how close to her I was, so I had her tatted on my left hand. So for the rest of my life and the days I live I can see her every morning as I wake up. My aunts were surprised how close I was, to see that my mom couldn’t even remember the exact date and had to ask me. And I know every one still has wounds from their past, but it’s okay because you’re not alone; just remember how you are feeling, someone out there is having it 10x worse than what you’re going through. You know how that goes, when something is old news, such as a old cut on your skin; it doesn’t matter any more to others after that ‘moment’ has passed, but what if you’re alone and that wound had opened up again? You don’t want to be a pain in the ass and mention/show it again to them, so you stay quiet and keep it to yourself; even if it is the closest person to your heart. Because YOU DON’T WANT TO BE A BOTHER. That is why I write, since I was twelve; journals, diaries, now blogs. Rather if you care of not, I don't care, this is for my own personal reference; it is MY journal. SOMEWHERE I can put my feelings to, black and white ink; many people don’t understand what’s with blogging, why write your shit out to the open public? Well for me personally I feel that when I post my perspectives out to the open view, that maybe someone out there in the other side of the world can come across it and can relate because they are going through something similar and don't have to feel all alone. Yanno? Some times what's wrong can feel so right. Someone once told me YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE in the life you are in now. So why NOT make the best of it? Thank You if you had read to this point in my blog. That you finished reading my whole random vent blog. Until the next blog, you guys try to appreciate the smaller things in life and not worry about the bigger things so much because 95% of an average person's time goes to stressing over the BIGGER USELESS THINGS that are mainly MATERIALISTIC in life, what's left is that 5% of you. That last 5% of you is YOURS, try to make the most of it and savor.
- EVA
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