In the beginning... it was bad enough that Amy was born with a physical sex that was at odds with her gender, but she also had this nasty birthmark. It covered most of her arm, all of her shoulder, and even some of her upper back and neck. Luckily, it stayed the same size as I grew, thus took up less room on my body. What a port wine stain is (and don't feel bad, I've met some doctors who don't know this!), is a whole crapload of tiny capillaries that continuously bleed, though the amount from each capillary is much less than half a drop of blood. If you were to look at my birthmark with a magnifying lens, you could see that it's made up of many many tiny red dots. People have always stared at me and made comments about my birthmark. So many people asked me if I had poison ivy, or got burned. I'm so sick of it. It used to look like this (Yes, I've cut the rest of the photo out because I was pre-hormones and my face looked so harsh. I was also sweating, which meant it was probably summer in my parents' house, as they never had any air conditioning):
(My arms haven't been that hairy for a long time now. Ugh.)
Back in 2003 to 2004, I had the birthmark lightened via a form of laser treatment called MultiLight. After six sessions, I couldn't get it to lighten any more than you can see below. It is such a noticeable difference though! Unfortunately, I have a few small scars because I told them to turn up the juice on my last session. The only result I got from that last session was scars. Anyway, I just took this pic...
After the sessions were over, that's when I started wanting a phoenix tattoo to cover it. I've always loved the symbolism of the phoenix, and just the plain look of the thing (the firebird version, that is). It stands for rebirth and renewal, among other things. What better symbol for a trans-person, who's undergoing a miraculous transformation into who they really are inside?
I cashed in my 401K to help move us to Arizona. I decided to keep a few hundred to myself for this tattoo. I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago, and he told me that covering it with a tattoo should work, but I'll probably have more bleeding than the average person (due to the capillaries already being "broken" inside the skin). He told me to stop taking my 81mg of aspirin for two weeks prior to the procedure. I take that to counteract the blood thickening effect of Estradiol in my system.
Nikki's father is friends with a tattoo artist who goes by the name of Happy, and is the owner of Happy Tats. When Nikki got her tattoo last week (see below), I showed him the illustration at the top of the screen, and he told me a few things. He said that yes, it would probably bleed a lot, and if it bled too much, he might have to switch to another area and come back to it once the bleeding stops. He said that it might fade quicker than a normal tattoo and need touch ups. He also said that yellows and oranges would not show over the tattoo, since it's a lighter color. That only left red and pink. I started thinking, "Well, what about blue flame?" He said that part of the blue flame would have to be yellow, in order to look realistic. That stumped me, but I thought later on that a phoenix is a magical creature. Realistic is nice for real-world things, but (as far as I know) a phoenix is mythical in nature. Besides, if he tattoos just outside the birthmark, he could put some yellow there, making the phoenix inside a hotter flame. When I got home, I opened Microsoft Paint and inverted the colors of the phoenix picture. It looks like this:
I like it. I want to take out those black spots and replace them with the silhouette of a female within the phoenix. A silhouette like this:
He said this tattoo will take four or five hours to complete. Nikki will probably be in and out, since that's a long time for anyone to sit around and watch someone poke a needle in someone's flesh. I want to bring my camera and have photos taken at various stages in the process. I am so excited! I'm not worried about the pain. After electrolysis and MultiLight, this shouldn't be too bad. The collarbone might make me wince a bit though. I just hope it comes out right, I don't bleed like a stuck pig, and that I can handle the itching and scabbing afterwards. It's such a big area. I would do it in stages, but we're moving in a month and a half. What's ironic is that I used to be so against tattoos. I was so straightlaced with everything. Getting away from my mother really helped me to not be a jerk. But I digress.
I want to show off the tattoos that Nikki got (also at Happy Tats), so before I sign off, here we go:
Nikki's first tattoo, on her right leg. She loves frogs, and this guy is a toughie!
Nikki got this one on her back to commemorate the twins that died due to a miscarriage back in 1999.
Also on her back. Each fairy is one of our daughters, and Nikki is the sunflower in the middle.
She had a stem put on the sunflower last week, since so many people would think it was a sun.
Nikki got this one on her left leg last week, to remember her father by, since we're moving 2000 miles away from him. Yes, he's a harley dude.
Thanks for reading, and let me know what you think of my upcoming tattoo!
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