In March of 2004, I started going to school for computer networking at the Chubb Institute in Westbury, New York. It was a full day at school, and I worked full time on the overnight shift. How did I manage this? Well, I would do all my homework at work, and sometimes I would take naps there as well. I know... bad Amy. My employer didn't mind the homework business, but the napping was something they were not fond of. Oopsie. I would drive from work to the school. I typically got there about a half hour early, so I would sleep in my car until class started. I set the alarm on my cellphone to wake me up. I would attend class, go home, eat an early dinner, and then sleep until it was time for me to go to work. Rinse and repeat until Saturday morning. I did this for ten months. I was not out at all at this time, so it was guy mode for work, school, and home.
A few weeks after I started school, Vanessa's mother passed on unexpectedly, due to complications from diabetes. Vanessa called me on the phone, hysterical, when I was at work. I had to go to the hospital. She was already dead when I got there. I was beyond upset. When we went to see her mother in the hospital room, she still had all these tubes in her. I couldn't bear it. Vanessa and her family were crying and holding each other. When they looked for me, they found me sitting indian-style on the floor, rocking back and forth. I have no recollection of getting into that position, as I'm sure I was rather distracted by my emotions.
You see, not only had I known that lady for 10 years, but she was always there for me when my own mother wasn't. She told me I was beautiful, she always wanted to see what I was wearing, and she always accepted me for who I am. I was Vanessa's "boyfriend" from 1994 to 1997. At least, that's the role I played, and who everyone (including me) thought I was. Then I was Vanessa's platonic friend from 2001 and onward. Her mother was always there for me. My mother wouldn't accept me.
She was Amy's mom.
Vanessa had that house all to herself now, so I stayed in her guest room to make sure she would be okay. She was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal thoughts. I stayed one night. Then another. And another. After a week or so, Vanessa said to me, "Hey, I was wondering how much longer you wanted to stay. You're very welcome to stay longer if you like." I told her I had no plan either way, and sure, I would stay. Finally, she asked me if I would want to move in and pay her rent to help her with the bills. I would have freedom away from my parents, to dress however I like, put my makeup on in the bathroom, and not worry about someone barging in on me or throwing out my things. I agreed!
I continued living there in girl mode, and working and going to school in guy mode. I made a few casual friends in class, but nothing lasting. This one girl there flirted with me and used me, to cheat off of me during tests. That was a lot of fun (sarcastic), because I sort of fell for it... and her. I was in a particularly vulnerable state, as I had been alone for over two years. I soon found she was not interested in me at all, and of course, then I refused to give her answers during tests (which I disliked doing from the start). She moved to the other side of the room and started flirting heavily with a bunch of guys there.
I passed with a 3.7 grade point average. A lot of good it's doing me now, as I haven't had a job in two years. I'm in debt for $18,000 and no job to show for it.
Anyway, since I was so busy with work, my attendance at FemmeFever gatherings fell by the wayside. I did manage to get out one time for Halloween, but not with FemmeFever. Vanessa now had a boyfriend named Brad, and the three of us went to a restaurant down the street, which served Columbian, Mexican, and Spanish food. They were having a pretty rowdy Halloween party, and Vanessa's brother, Greg, was the bouncer there. (It was Greg's girlfriend's family's restaurant.) Anyway, things were fine until his girlfriend started telling everyone, "That's a guy! Did you know that's a guy? You know that woman you were just talking to... that's really a guy." I told her, "I'm not a guy. Can you stop saying that to everyone?" She said that it was funny to see all their reactions. Well, it wasn't funny to me. A bunch of Mexican guys sat down at my table and started asking me, "You have dick? Huh? You have dick?" Ugh! Then I got pulled into a costume contest and announced as "Senor Senorita." Joy.
The good thing is that I can laugh at this stuff now.
Anyway, here are some photos from Halloween of 2004! I was back to wearing the wig, since I had to cut my hair short (as mentioned in my last entry). I had also gained weight due to the fact that I had no time for exercising.
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