I just want to make a brief report on the results of my three-day diet (details posted here). I've only lost three pounds this time around (compared to eight pounds three years ago). Why I lost so much less this time, I don't know. Maybe because I was working in an office back then, and I was on my feet a lot? I'm 149.1 pounds now. I walked to my therapist and back today (long story!), so I got in an hour and a half of walking.
Anyway, here's a look back at my second trip to North Carolina, back in mid-2006. This is in two parts. Today's post is regarding the trip in general. Tomorrow's post will discuss the details having to do with my transsexuality. I've added some photos to make it interesting. They weren't in the original blog.
Some notes as I'm reading along:
You can see below where my penchant for the phrase "blast from the past" may have begun.
OMG! I think I outed myself in my public MySpace blog. I was talking about shaving my legs! Oops. That one slipped through the cracks. It's funny how I only notice these things years later!
EDIT: I just realized, I didn't out myself at all. I was using the name, "Amy" and presenting as female on my MySpace account, so the fact that I shaved my legs wouldn't have raised an eyebrow. It's so much easier living one life now, rather than a double life.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
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Current mood: calm
The usual procrastinator (well, with some things), I didn't pack until the morning I was leaving. This caused me to leave the house at 12 noon, rather than 9 or 10 AM like I wanted to. It was raining out too, and I hate driving in the rain. I picked up a bagel with cream cheese and lox on the way (yum!) and ate it while driving down the Southern State. Before I even got to the Southern State, I almost got into an accident. Someone cut in front of someone else, so we all had to slam on my brakes, and I skidded for a bit. The road was very slick. I did pull out of the skid, but it wasn't a very auspicious beginning. It was slow going because of the rain, but at least it wasn't steady. I might have been driving out of it.
I didn't get to the motel until 10:30 PM. I was hungry, but I made the mistake of unpacking my car before getting something to eat. Little did I know, even McDonald's and Taco Bell close at 11 PM during tourist season. From October to April (something like that), they close at 9 PM. Yes, 9 PM... even the drive-thru closes then. It's a far cry from New York, where Taco Bell is open until four in the morning! So... I went to Wal-Green's and got a microwave pizza. Yay. Well, it wasn't bad, actually. I used to eat those all the time and thus got sick of them. So it was like a blast from the past. After eating it and talking to Nessa, I realized that I left my shampoo and conditioner at home. Arrgh! I went back to Wal-Green's and bought new ones. Then I came back and went to sleep. I remember the first time I went down there, when I was so lonely once I realized I was there all by myself. I felt like crying, and I felt stupid for feeling that way. But it's probably because I have never lived on my own. I lived with my parents and siblings, then with my ex, then with my parents again when we split up, and now with Nessa (and for some of that time, with Brad also... until he moved back to PA). So, being alone and very far away from everyone just made me kind of sad. Also, it may have reminded me of the time my ex-girlfriend Millie stranded me in a motel room. She chickened out and went home while I was sleeping (yes, after we did it... long story, she was a very confused girl), but I woke up and followed her out of the motel in my jammies, with no socks on. I was too late, she was pulling away. And then I found out I had locked myself out of my room. I walked down to the supermarket down the street, thinking maybe she got a snack or something to drink and didn't want to wake me. She wasn't there. I walked back to the motel, on the sidewalk, in the dark, with no shoes on and wearing pajamas. There was glass on the sidewalk. I had to get the guy at the motel to open the door for me, watching the smirk on his face. Anyway, I hadn't stayed at a motel room until March, when I went down to NC for the first time. This time, I didn't feel so lonely. For some reason, I didn't want to go to sleep. I think I was excited. I knew I had to get some sleep though, because my daughter tends to wear me out.
I slept well, though a friend woke me up with a text message around 6 AM, asking me if I got down there okay. It was a nice surprise, so I didn't mind the interruption in my sleep at all. After some texting back and forth, I went right back to sleep. I got up at about 11 AM on Saturday morning. I took a shower and shaved my legs (now that I was wearing shorts). I drove the half hour to see my daughter (there are no motels or hotels closer, which kind of sucks). It's always hard to find the tiny road that they live on (it's a dirt road, actually), and there were construction cones there. I wasn't sure where to get through the cones to turn onto the road, and I was going too fast, and there was someone behind me, so I passed it. I had to drive half a mile just to find somewhere to turn around. Brittany called me when I was on the way back. LOL! When I got there, I knocked on the door, and my ex let me in. I walked to her room while still on the phone with her, so it was a little surprise for her to see me standing right there. She dropped the phone and hugged my legs. She wanted me to pick her up, so naturally I did. I held her for the next five minutes or so, during which she squeezed me really hard (she's getting strong!), and gave me lots of kisses. The ex wanted her to clean her room before she left, but it was really just me and her doing it. I mean, come on... do you really expect Brittany to want to clean her room once I got there? Brittany had the sniffles, and would cough every so often. My ex also warned me again about the seizures she's been having. They're really mild, and she doesn't fall down and convulse, or anything like that. She just stops what she's doing and stares off into space. Then she comes back less than half a minute later. Her doctor says the seizures are most likely caused by the frequent ear infections she had as an infant and toddler. We had to have tubes put in her ears to drain out the fluid. Anyway, my ex was worried that I wouldn't know what to do if she had a seizure. I reminded her that she said she didn't know what to do herself last week, and I told her that I would just make sure she didn't fall or anything. She didn't have any seizures the entire weekend.
It was afternoon when we left, so I took her to Hardee's. We used to have a Hardee's on Long Island, but now I think the closest one is in New Jersey. I would really like to go there on a more regular basis. The lady at the counter was really slow or something. Three times that I said something to her, she just stared at me for a bit and then said, "What?" Uhhh, get off the drugs, lady. I don't think they say "to stay" down there, because every restaurant I went to that weekend, they got confused. They ask me something like, "for here" or "to go." I say "to stay," and they look at me like I have three heads. I got a taco salad, and Brittany wanted what I was having. The bowl for this salad is in a crunchy sombrero-type crust that you can eat. It has lettuce, salsa, beans, chili, and sour cream. They also have these packets of hot sauce that I sprinkled onto it. Brittany wanted some of the sauce too (well, if I have it, it must be good, right?), but I only sprinkled a little bit onto one part of her salad. When she tried it, she made this nasty face, so that was a good call on my part. The teenagers were definitely out this weekend. It looked like they had been going surfing or water skiiing, something like that. One of the guys came in with no shirt on. What happened to "no shoes, no shirt, no service?" Like I really wanted to see this guy's bod while I was eating lunch with my daughter. Brittany dropped her fork and I told her to ask the lady at the counter for a new one. I guess she liked doing that, because while we were eating, she dropped her fork two more times and asked the lady for a new one. I said "enough is enough" at that point.
We went back to the motel, and Brittany couldn't wait to go on the playground there. Yes, they have a playground, pool, and there's a beach right behind the motel. We played "Swinging the Sweetcheeks," which basically consists of me pushing her on the swing, while we say (and she often yells), "Swinging the Sweetcheeks!" There weren't many kids around this time. This was the weekend before Memorial Day, so I think a lot of parents were waiting until then to bring their kids somewhere, so as not to keep them out of school for a day or two. She wanted to go to the beach after that, so we put on her bathing suit (Minnie Mouse), and went down to the waves. These waves were way too big for her, so after we went in farther than just wetting our feet (mine were getting kind of numb!), I had to pick her up over the waves as they came in. It was tiring for me, but she loved it. She would laugh, and practically scream, when she saw another big wave coming in. Some girl passed by and thought it was the funniest thing. She wanted to go swimming in the water, but I had to tell her no. There was no way I could hold onto her and keep us both above those waves. I saw someone getting married on the beach. It was incredibly romantic, and it made my heart start to feel lonely (like it sometimes does). I didn't have anyone to share the sight with besides my daughter, who wasn't interested. Brittany got cold, so we went back.
We went right into the pool from there. It was much warmer. I swam around while holding her, and I showed her how to kick her legs and such. There were a couple women sunning themselves by the pool, and Brittany started talking to them. They looked like lesbians, particularly one who seemed to be going for the Melissa Etheridge look. The other one was rather attractive, and she had an athletic body. I didn't stop to talk to them though... I'm still shy to just go up to strange people and talk. I'm getting better though, and I think Brittany actually helps me with that. Children are so guileless and carefree. They never stop to think of what this or that person thinks of them. I wish I could be more like that. She was asking them what their names were, and where their mommies were. LOL! After that, we went on the playground some more, and soon it was time for dinner.
Believe it or not, I took her to a seafood place called Mako Mike's. Well, it was purely for selfish reasons. I had been wanting to go to one of the seafood places down there (of which there are many in the area) on Friday night, but I got down there too late. The waitress there was really nice, and pretty. She got Brittany some crayons and one of those activity sheets that many restaurants seem to have. That was a good thing, because I could eat in peace. Brittany got a caesar salad, and I got this sampler with scallops, shrimp, and flounder stuffed with crab. The portions were very small for a $19.99 meal. I would've gotten much more at Red Lobster for that price. Hmmm, I feel like going there right now. ;) I thought Brittany might want some shrimp, since she has always loved it, but she didn't. Kids change tastes so often when they're little. When I was trying to leave, Brittany wanted to explore the restaurant and see what everyone was eating. After I dragged her out of there, she insisted on going back in. She said, "I want to say thank you to the lady for the yummy food!" Awww. Well, that kind of grabbed me by the heartstrings, so I let her thank the hostess, since the waitress was nowhere to be found.
When we went back to the hotel, she colored for a bit and played with some toys she had brought with her. They were mostly activity things... drawing and such. Maybe she'll become an artist or something when she grows up. Then, Brittany did something that totally shocked the hell out of me. She wanted to go to sleep! I was like, "Huh? What?" She wanted us both to brush our teeth and put on our pajamas and go to sleep. Hey, who am I to argue? We had the TV on, so I kept it on low for some background noise. She gave me my Pooka, and we went to sleep. I intended on staying awake until she drifted off, so I could call Nessa and maybe my friend, John... but I think I was out before she was.
She woke me up with cuddles on Sunday morning. She's very lovey-dovey in the morning. She must be so happy to wake up and see me there. I took her to breakfast at this place across the street called Miller's Restaurant. We just walked there because it was so close. I was tempted to ask the hostess if she was on the menu (she was yummy too, LOL), but even without Brittany there, I don't think I could have done it. Brittany had pancakes (and some of my bacon... $2.50 for three strips of bacon, Holy Hell!), and I had corned beef and hash, with hash browns (lots of hashing, hehe), and eggs sunny-side-up with toast. I like to soak the toast with the yolks. The corned beef and hash was sooo good. I'd had it before, but just out of a can, so it wasn't nowhere near as good as freshly made. I don't think many restaurants serve that up here. Brittany was misbehaving, unfortunately. She threw her napkin on the floor, insisted on eating her pancakes with her hands, and of course she got syrup in her hair. Then she wanted to sit in this highchair with wheels and have me push her around the restaurant. Uhhh, no... Homey don't play that.
She had peed in her underwear twice on Saturday ("I don't have to go potty." "I'm not holding myself."), so I had none for tomorrow. I had to drive to the ex's to get some. Over an hour's worth of driving back and forth. I was going to just buy her some, but my funds were getting rather depleted as it was. My ex asked me if I could get her some sandals, and I told her that if I did, I might not be able to get home. I got this credit card a month or two ago, and I charged $40 worth of groceries, and two new tires for my car. They never sent me a bill. I was just starting to wonder when it would come. I'm so lucky that they only suspended it after I charged the motel room on it. I would've been sleeping in my car! So... no bill, and card suspended. I was going to pay by phone, but they charge a $10 fee. For a payment of $30, that was a bit ridiculous.
Anyway, my ex's other kid, Christopher, really seems to like me. Or maybe he's like that with everyone. He wanted to show me his room and all that stuff. My ex told him to leave me alone, but I told her it was okay. She seemed surprised by how nice I was to him, and she seemed happy that I was there. I just wanted to get out as soon as possible.
I took Brittany to Taco Bell for lunch. It's funny, because most of the Taco Bell employees on Long Island are Spanish or Mexican. And down in NC? White and Asian. The food and everything else was identical to the Taco Bells back home. She wanted some prizes from the machines, but I had no quarters, and when I asked for some change, they opened all their registers to show me that they didn't have any quarters either.
I had to go to Wal-Green's to get some paper towels. The towels at the motel were leaving little lint balls on my face and body, so I didn't want to use them. The only other thing I had were tissues, if there was a mess or I wanted to wash my hands. She insisted on me getting things for her. I got her bubbles, a little bouncy ball that had Cinderella on it, a plastic watering can, and a little glittery pink diary, complete with lock and key (she lost the key on the same day, so it's kept unlocked now). It was all cheap stuff, but she wanted more and more things. I had to put my foot down. My cash was disappearing rapidly. We went back to the pool, although I didn't go in this time (the water was rather cold today). Then she went on the playground again, and I took some photos of her.
I was busy with something back at the motel, and she was in the bathroom for awhile. I started to worry what she was up to, and I looked to see. She was using that watering can to pour water from the toilet (which was clean, thank god!) onto the floor. I scolded her and cleaned up and went back to what I was doing (I think I was starting to pack some things for tomorrow). When I finished, I went back into the bathroom, and I saw she was squirting my contact lens solution into the sink! "Okay, enough in the bathroom, little lady!" Sometimes I sound just like my mother.
For dinner, I made her some chicken-flavored Raman noodle soup, and I had this Thai soup bowl thing. They're kind of new. They come with noodles, sauce, vegetable packet, and sometimes peanuts. You empty all the stuff in the bowl and just microwave it. They're really good, and I've grown rather fond of them. She wanted to go to sleep (again! holy crap!), so we did. But this time I was able to stay awake. That movie about Sybill was on, but I had missed the beginning (I can't watch movies when I've missed some parts). Once she was asleep, I went outside in my jammies and slippers, and called my friend, Vanessa. I got some Slim Jim's out of my trunk and munched on them while telling her about my trip, and hearing about what she'd been up to in my absence. It was a warm night, but not too warm... and there was a light breeze blowing about. It was quiet because many people had gone home already. It was just very pleasant. I stayed out for about an hour (even after getting off the phone), and then went to sleep next to my daughter.
When we got up, I packed some more things and we got dressed. I was drying my hair, and the hairdryer shut off. I was trying to reset the switch, and a heard a low hum, following by some small sparks coming out of the outlet. Scratch one hairdryer, which I had bought less than a month ago. (I exchanged it when I got back home, and I actually got a free hairbrush, because I forgot to stick it back in the package. Yes, I really did forget... and I'm glad I did.) We played on the playground one more time, and then I took her to McDonald's for breakfast. She got pancakes (she loves her some pancakes!), and I got this breakfast sausage burrito thing. They used to be smaller, and came with two in a meal, but now it's one big burrito. It liked it better the old way. I was asking for the sauce that goes with it, and this Asian lady tells me, "Okay." She stands there and looks at me. "Well, could I have it, please?" "Huh?" Another girl behind the counter pushed past her while shaking her head, and got me some sauce.
We went to my ex's straight from there. She didn't want to go, but she was promised a surprise once I left. That didn't seem to help. She ran out and got in my car and I had to drag her out of it (it was the one time I didn't lock the doors... I'm usually very anal-rententive on locking my car doors no matter where I go). My ex was trying to get me to agree to her driving up every three months. Uh-uh. We're alternating who drives up each month. If I can make the drive every other month, so can she. Eventually, I was able to go, although I missed Brittany as soon as I started pulling away. I stopped at a 7-11 for gas and some supplies (ahem, snacks!) for the trip back up. I got this thing called a "Fireball Sausage," something like that. It's in a little plastic package that had this hot sauce in it. After I ate the sausage (while driving), I saw that there was a little juice on the bottom. I have this odd quirk where I drink some salsa at the Green Cactus Grill, so I poured the little bit of sauce into my mouth! Ummm... can you say "fire breath?" I was choking, and my eyes and nose were running... and all while I was driving. LOL! That's me for ya. :P
On the way back, I stopped at this restaurant/gift shop that's right on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. It's so beautiful there on the bridge, looking out at the water and the boats in the distance. I felt lonely again, looking at couples walking around and sharing the view with someone special. I got some fireworks in the gift shop (hoo ha!!!), and a book of stickers that say "Brittany" with beach-related images on them. I also got Vanessa a little holder for her mail. It says, "Things to ignore" or something on it. It says, "Chesapeake Bay Bridge" as well. I thought it was a nice souvenir, funny yet also practical. She puts the mail in there now, rather than having it scattered in random places in the kitchen, so it was a good idea. :) I also got a soft-shelled crab sandwich to go. It was a crab taken out of the shell and fried. The little legs and claws were sticking out of the bun, it was so funny. I would love to eat in the restaurant part if I went down with someone in the future. There's an awesome view of the water there, through these big windows. And the way the room is shaped, it looks like you're in the dining area of a train. They have a nice selection of seafood too.
Anyway, that was my trip. Now you see why it took me so long to get around to writing about it. I'm going back down there again sometime in July. It's a fun time for me, and I'm so happy to be with my daughter. Even the drive is nice, as I get to relax and think about things going on in my life, listen to my music, and snack on candy and junk food. ;)
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