Novos Fimes do Cine HD

Stress... and a Way Out?

Nikki and I have been under so much stress lately. Yes, this isn't exactly a "happy blog," but neither will I do the "Oh woe is me routine."

I'm not working, and Nikki has been unable to work, due to the broken rib incident. It's now been four weeks, and she still can't pick up Skylar without enduring intense pain. Her job as a substitute teacher for emotionally and/or physically handicapped children requires quite a bit of lifting of said children. She should be able to go back to work in two weeks or so (I hope), but in the meantime, bills have fallen by the wayside. We've had our cellphone service cancelled, our cable/internet service cancelled, and now we have eight days to pay our overdue rent (over $1000) or be evicted.







I thought we had to be served an eviction notice at that point, and then we had thirty days to move out. Well, not here. We have 24 hours after March 5th, maybe more if the court is busy and doesn't get around to it for a day or two.

This is a bit less dire than what I've written so far. The manager of the complex is willing to work with us to set up a payment program, within limits. So we won't necessarily have to pay the full amount, but rather some as-yet-undetermined partial amount. Also, we filed for state emergency relief (SER) today. They should be able to pay at least some of the amount due, but will they be able to do so within eight days? Two of those days are non-business days as well. We originally had ten days, but we found that we had to give them copies of all our utility bills for six months (heat, electric, phone, internet (if that counts), car payments (ditto)), and copies of Nikki's paychecks and such. That took another day to locate the bills we still had, and print out the rest from the various companies' websites.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been on a really short fuse lately. Everything is usually fine with me, but I can't handle any added stress. I just crash and burn. Mostly I feel intense anger first, then sadness second. That's really not like me. I also have a history of seasonal depression. I despise the cold. I'm not too fond of wearing heavy clothes, dry skin, staticky hair, etc. Okay, very "not fond" there! I had my winter depression a lot worse last year, but it's still affecting me to a certain point. I try to do things I like to feel better, like reading, playing Facebook apps and other games, dressing pretty when I go out, and other such things. I can't wait for the temperature to start rising again. We're getting there!


Speaking of hating the cold, we're looking to get out of Michigan. It's not any colder here than New York (born and raised), but hey, I still hate the cold! Nikki has sent resumes out to 14 school districts in Arizona. Yes, Arizona! Where we know nobody (except for Lori... hi Lori!), and is over 2000 miles away from us. Nikki has also sent a few resumes to Atlanta, Georgia. From what we've heard, it's the most gay friendly southern state. Gay marriage isn't legal there, but I can "second-parent-adopt" our kids if something happened to their father. Little things like that are always nice (and I mean both the adoption thing, and something happening to their father. LOL!).


So we'll see. Just getting out there, and moving our stuff, and doing it all over with getting the kids doctors and therapists, getting them in school and the various special programs they need (if they have them down there), well it's daunting to say the least. I know it won't be easy, but nothing worth fighting for ever is.
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Of Philanthropists and Shoplifters

Two wildly different subjects here, pure opposites, in fact. First off, I got a call from my therapist today. Well, mostly Nikki's therapist, but whatever. She said she's worried about me, that I seem very angry, frustrated, a bit depressed, etc. I've been on a short fuse for months now. Normal things that would annoy me, now make me feel like I'm going to explode. This isn't like stubbing your toe, but more like personal relationships, like with Nikki and the kids. I know I need therapy, but I have no insurance, and the state-funded program I was on, cancelled my case. That was last October. Depression and GID just don't rate, I suppose.

She told me she would see me pro bono on the weekends. Therapy. FOR FREE.

"Huh? What? For free? Sure, sure, when can I come in???"

Never have I heard of such a thing. She gets paid nothing for this. I feel kind of bad just accepting it. But I know I need therapy badly, and she's a very good therapist. She's a lesbian as well. During our last session (I often come with Nikki), Nikki even said that I need therapy bad. I don't know how long she can see me for nothing in return (besides the satisfaction of helping little ole me, I suppose), but I plan to go as long as I can... while feeling slightly guilty all the while.

Seriously though, how many therapists can be as nice and just plain awesome as this? I had one who saw me for half the going rate when I ran out of sessions that would be covered by my insurance, and hey, that was nice. But this! Wow. Just wow.

Anyway, on to our second subject. When my family and I were at Wal-Mart the weekend before last, I saw these two pre-teen or young teen girls looking at jewelry. Way too young for me and not attractive to me either, so don't worry there! The brunette had really nice hair though. Her and a little blonde girl were looking at jewelry. I was looking right at them from 20 feet away, I suppose, and then they start stuffing jewelry in their pockets. Hey now!


I go up to Nikki and tell her that two girls are shoplifting. She tells me to grab our purses. D'oh, Nikki. They're stealing store merchandise, not our stuff! So the kids hear us, and they both go over to where I'm standing and stare at the girls. Niiiiice one, real smooth there. The girls leave, and they come back a few minutes later. I'm looking for any employee in the area, and I find this one man at the jewelry section cash register. He wasn't there a minute ago. Also, he looks pretty dingy, and is not wearing any uniform at all. He's taking cash out of the drawers, but is acting like everything's normal and he's supposed to be doing what he's doing. I know, that's the way to fool people, just act like you're supposed to be there. But I can only deal with so many suspicious people at a time here. Anyway, he says he doesn't know what to do about it, and he doesn't really care, he doesn't work here. Huh?!!?


The girls left again, probably seeing me talking to the... errrr, non-employee? Mission failure. We grab a few more things and head to the check-out.

While our stuff is being rung up, I see the two girls again. It was hard to miss them, as the blonde was spinning around in circles. She was sort of young to be on LSD, but hey, they get younger and younger these days. I told the cashier, and she called security. As we're ready to leave, this biiiiig guy shows up. The girls had walked down towards the end of the line of checkouts, so he said, "I'm on it," and headed in their direction. I would've loved to see what happened next, but now I was a bit scared for those girls. The guy was well over six feet tall and looked to be about 300 pounds... versus two five foot, 70 pound little thangs. Nikki wanted to go home. I thought she was mad at me for "turning them in," but she said she would've done the same thing, and she was surprised I would do that... that I wouldn't care enough. I know, I pretend to hate the human race most of the time (and it isn't always pretending), but sometimes I care. Better they learn their lesson now before turning to stealing cars or something.


I have a few more interesting tidbits to tell (good and bad), so hopefully I'll have time to post tomorrow. I've been very busy lately, and you'll soon see why.  ;)
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Lunar Valentines

[ Emil Chau - Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou ]

hello hello,
its that time of year again; no not christmas. i mean Lunar New Year & the holiday we all dread the most; Valentines. even tho i have someone to celebrate with this Vday, i still feel like its a useless holiday; cuz i KNOW how it feels to be alone...And to have an OFFICIAL day to remind you that oh yea... you're alone is whack as fcukk. its just a day to drench out the men's wallets, which is kind of fcuked up in my opinion. so i never expect anything for Vday from thee bf :) cuz i dont like him spending on me, i rather he spend on some shit for himself namean? it'll make me happiER actually. on the reals. sooo... this year Lunar New Year's has landed on the same day as Valentines day. but i managed to get that day exempt from my parentals cuz they understand its also 'LOVERS DAY', so i had my family dinner the night before (02/13/10) which we call in chinese 'CHUEN NEEN FAHN'. early celebration dinner in other words. i did a look inspired by the Lunar New Years colors, and boyyyy did i get many comments from my parentals (cuz i wore it while we was eating dinner, i had just done it for a video tutorial)...wait, scratch that; not comments. more like BASHes. hahaha... my parents were like 'O_O! whats with the eyes eva. so colorful and bright, looks like firecrackers on your face.' (of course this was all in toisan, im just translating for ya'll). i replied with 'well mom/dad i wanted to do a festive look for the chinese new years, so this is for you guys :D' and they go 'oh...i guess.... its kind of much' (mom says), my dad was more open minded type of dude 'oh... haha... its nice'. but yea, dinner was nice; i had a good dinner even tho my sister has her own familia to celebrate the holidays now. we're doing good just us 4+thee bf joined us on the dinner. my parentals was honored and glad to have him in the familia dinner (really, its a BIG DEAL when it comes to FAMILY CELEBRATING A NEW YEAR DINNER in the chinese families). i was really happy for him (:





but anywho, here are a few photos of my look. enjoy. if interested in how i achieved this look me up on Youtube: Beezyfree ; im lazy to list all the items i used.


alright... as for Valentines Day, thee bf had already booked a hotel for one night at TAJ CAMPTON PLACE in the Downtown area. check in was at 3pm, but we didnt get to check in til 5ish cuz we over slept and babe had to run a quick errand, he had placed an order for a bouquet of flowers for me from Frank's Floral (my favorite flower shop in the city btw, we had our prom flowers from there as well, its on Irving street) in the sunset. then after that we rushed to thee hotel to get ready for dinner that night. apparently he had RSVP'D for a place called 'BELLA' on Geary Street, they had that Valentines Set Share Menu; so he chose there to try for the first time. you can see my review on that shit on YELP. one word 'WHACKKKK'. but as i was saying... so The hotel was amazing, i loved it; the lobby had Red Roses out for Valentines, they were gorgeousss. even tho im not a rose type of chick, its nice to see once in a while. here is a quick tour of our room. when you walk in the bathroom is to yo left, it had the japanese style sliding doors (i liked it). heres our bathroom, its quite big; i love that the mirror is huge :D btw, the tub was huuuge! u can definitely sit on the Ledge and just chill with a full tub of water. hehe. first thing babe does is takes off his outter wear and turns on that tv... hahah.... PRICELE$$. so this is the room, and there we have a vanity area for me! awesome! then here is the ledge couch u can lie on as u look outside the window for the view. heh. a big mirror for your conceited self + a chair to have SEX on! (which i didn't! dont trip!) hahaha.... oh yess... the look i had on for Vday dinner was a regular simple Smokey Brown; your typical asian girl colors. thats what the bf says, he likes my toned down regular neutral colors. he has seen enuff of all my colorful looks. so i kept him in mind when i picked out the colors 8) lastly, the flowers babe got me; he know me SO WELL. he surprised me with LILLIES!!! oh how my heart just melted when he brought them out of the flower shop. i was thinkin he prolly got roses like every other guy, but he KNOWS i love lillies [= and he remembered. even though its been hella long since he gotten me flowers. now THATS a keeper girls!


thank you babe!!! i love'em! i'm glad they are still alive in my hallway right now, every time i walk up my steps and reach up to the lillies and i can smell it in the hallway it makes me all WARM AND FUZZY inside. he has always been the type to get me flowers since the beginning of the relationship, i was NEVER use to accepting flowers from him; i told him right off the bat when we first started dating to not spend money on flowers for me cuz they die within 2 weeks and its a waste and its sad ): so i havent gotten flowers from him in a WHILE; unless its a SPECIAL occasion only. this was well worth it!!! hehe. alright. until next blog guys! hope ya'll had a great Lunar New Year + Valentines day! *deuce deuce*

- LOVEVA<3

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My Oldest Daughter Hates Me

Okay, well, Sarah doesn't like me, at least. In her words, and in all caps, "I DON'T LIKE AMY!"

Sigh.

Let me backtrack.

I may have mentioned it in this blog once or twice, that Sarah has some psychological problems, the majority of which stem from abuse delivered by her father. She's in therapy, and she's on medication.

Lately, she's been glaring at me (and Nikki as well) with such a look of pure hatred and anger. It's daunting, to say the least. I feel such negative energy coming off of her, and I can't stand it. That's even worse than all the talking back. Ask her really nice to do something, like pick up her own clothes which she's dumped all over the floor. "Nah." That just makes me go, "GRRRR!"


The other day, we went to see her psychiatrist, and her therapist popped in as well. Her therapist said a few things that were new to us, and a few others we had suspected all along. Basically, Sarah has stopped growing emotionally. She's built up this fantasy world of grandma and daddy (forgetting entirely the abuse she suffered at his hands... no, he would treat her much better than we do, she seems to think). She's living back in Spring/Summer of 2007. Two and a half years have gone by, and she still wants mommy and daddy to be together, and she wants to be with grandma and grandpa (the latter of which has passed away). She hasn't mourned. She hasn't accepted the changes and the way things are now. Her therapist also said that she wants mommy all to herself, without mama (me) and her two sisters. She wants mommy to be grandma, and dote on her the way grandma used to.

Her therapist asked her what is the worst problem you have, the one that upsets you the most, and that you wish would change.

Sarah pointed at me without saying a word. The room fell dead silent.


I felt like I was just found out to be a witch, or I was the one who murdered all those innocent people. "She's the one! Burn her at the stake!" "It's her, sheriff! Lock her up and throw away the key." I made not a move, but felt as if I was shrinking in my seat. Shrinking inside.


Today, Nikki picked up a folder of papers that Sarah had been writing in to show to her therapist. I oversaw the words, "I DON'T LIKE AMY," near the beginning. I told Nikki I didn't want to see anymore or I would start crying. (I did cry anyway, about ten minutes later.) Basically, she partly blames me and partly blames Nikki, for Nikki and her ex (her dad) splitting up. She can't stand that Nikki agrees with everything I say (it's more like we always agree at the get-go, and are on the same page), and she thinks that I have thirty-year-old temper tantrums and go into the bedroom (more like I go in there when I've had enough and don't want to deal with kids for awhile).

I know I shouldn't take it personally. I know she's trying to find a scapegoat to blame for her family splitting up the way it did. I know she's undergoing psychiatric care, and that she's just a confused eleven-year-old trying to find her way. I know there are plenty of times she's told me "I love you," and saying it first, or that therer's many times she's genuinely enjoyed a conversation with me.

But it hurts anyway.

I love her, after all.

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Zoya Polishes

Hello my dears,

So incase ya'll didn't know, i just wanted to give ya'll a heads up on this PROMOTION thats goin on. Many of you have had asked me once before what are my favorite polishes?? Zoya & Misa are my two all time hands down faves. And you're in luck! Zoya.com & Qtica.com is having a promotion. check this out; when you spend at least the amount of $10 USD you will receive 2 FREE ZOYA POLISHES OF YOUR CHOICE. Meaning it can be ANY 2 ZOYA POLISH, theres not special section u have to choose from!!! So you can pick from Fall 2009 Collection or Spring 2008 collection!! it has no limitation to which ones you want. BUT!! its not FOR EVERY $10 you spend u get 2 free Zoya polishes, its ONE PER ORDER. sorry, but hey! its still a good deal! it saves u $14 (EQUALS TO 2 POLISHES). Now, all you have to do is type in the promo code which is : NYFW and it will apply for the deduction of $14 special a.k.a 2 free polishes. here is Zoya - Anastasia the polish i rocked for Vday, incase some of ya'll dunno what to get; this is a very nice modern darker violet/pink color. And the cute thing bout Zoya polishes as well is that mainly their colors are named AFTER PEOPLES' NAMES, cute huh?? they even had mine!!! so incase ya'll want some EVA :D its a gorgeouss color too! i have it already. hehe. so hop on this guys! they RECENTLY JUST EXTENDED the deadline to February 21, 2010 which is THIS SUNDAY! its well worth it, for all of u who've been dying to try their polishes; definitely the best time is now! (: CLICK HERE for all the information! until next blog guys! LOVE YA'LL!



- LOVEVA<3

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Title

Okay, so it's been awhile since I've last posted. First of all, nothing new is really going on. Same jobless situation, same struggle with bills, etc. Secondly, I've been sick for the last few days, and when I'm sick, all I want to do is lay around, or better yet, sleep. There are a few tidbits of information that I can share, however, before I start relying on old material again.

(By the way, that is NOT me on the left. That's plus size model Crystal Renn. I'm a big fan of curvy women. Down with models who are sticks and bones. Why did I put that at the top of this entry, which has nothing to do with plus size models? Because I can.)

As mentioned in this post, Nikki fell and broke one or more of her ribs. It's been two weeks now. She is improving, however... a week after that happened, she fell down some outside steps and hurt her other side and her back (nothing broken though). This time I wasn't there to semi-save her. My poor baby! I'm starting to think that maybe she's like a dwarf (a fantasy dwarf, not a little person!), who is better off with both feet planted on terra firma at all times. So, needless to say, she's been out of work. She hopes to feel well enough to return after the presidential holidays are over. Hopefully there'll be no spills in the meantime!


And now, following up on this post, I had an appointment with my doctor the other day. He's keeping me on the Provera (aka progesterone) for another two months. My breasts are still sore, and they're red on the inside curves, like a mild sunburn. I'm going to milk this for all it's worth! (No pun intended, seriously. I just read that back to myself!) My doc is also consulting some supposed big-shot endocrinologist in Los Angeles, to get treatment ideas for me. As far as I know, nothing has changed in the last five years, in the way of hormone supplements or other medication for transsexuals. Correct me if I'm wrong. But we'll see what he hears back.

I took Sarah to her therapy appointment the other day. She was in good spirits, and we talked about a great many things, such as that we hate black "accents," and we love asian accents. Then we started talking about Jackie Chan and how funny he is. And so on. It was some nice one-on-one time, even though it was just a car ride there and back.


It's a pretty stark contrast to today, when I was taking Sarah to get her blood drawn for her surgery on Monday. I think she was just nervous, but wow, she was so quiet. At least it wasn't a mad kind of quiet. She's been so moody lately, and she's about to start that wonderful introduction to womanhood. (If you don't know what I mean... get a clue!) Anyway, I left an hour before the appointment, thinking we had enough time. I'm getting on the highway when I think, "Hey, don't we need a prescription slip type of thing?" I could swear we had one of those with the first surgery (which you can read about here, if you like). I called Nikki and left a message, and I wasn't sure if we had one, or needed one, so I kept driving. Sure enough, Nikki calls back, and she has the piece of paper we need. By this time, we're halfway there. I turn around, get the slip, and head out again. The main road down there was pretty busy (both times). We ended up getting there FIVE MINUTES before closing time, and the door was locked. Arggghhh! They're closed Sunday, so the surgery is off now, since they need bloodwork first. Grrrr.

Anyway, we ended up going shopping at a few stores (frog food and people food, i.e. groceries for the latter). We went to Red Lobster for dinner. Yum! We haven't been there since we left New York, so we're talking at least 2.5 years ago. You know, they haven't changed the menu a bit. We had Lobster Nachos for an appetizer, and I stuck with my mainstay of "Ultimate Feast" for the entree. I ate everything but three fried shrimp. What a piggie. I was so stuffed.


Oh yes, one more thing. Nikki decided not to take that evening job (see the post regarding that here). It wasn't really because of me (at least I don't think so), but more that she had bitten off more than she could chew, especially with her double injuries. So she called them and told them she had to quit, the day before she was supposed to start. They were not happy. But oh well! Nikki is still looking into college courses, which would be during the evening, so I might have my solo run after all. We'll see. She's trying to work out the details with grants, loans, payment plans, etc., etc., etc.

So those are our current events. I left out a thing or two for another blog entry. I miss bugging you people with my blabbering every day or two.

Oh yes, I gave this post a title of "Title." I couldn't think of a name. So I thought that would befit my wiseass, sarcastic self.

Happy Valentine's Day for anyone who doesn't get miserable about it this year. For those who do, I'm sorry. Never give up. Your equal is out there, somewhere, maybe looking for you. Maybe not. Sometimes you need to clobber them over the head and drag them home by their hair. What? It worked in the old days!


Oh look, another plus size model! Now how did that happen?
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Capricorns

[ Miriam Yeung - Courage ]



Well incase some of ya'll didn't know, it WAS my 21st birthday on January 12th. yea, I'm kind of late on this blog; at least i'm puttin it up riiight? lol. So I had decided to have my birthday dinner at Sudachi's Japanese Restaurant/Bar as well on Friday the 22nd, just like my homegirl Kat did. I like the food, the drinks were extremely worth the price, and they don't MANDATORY on id's; so its a win win. Here is my EOTD (eye of the day), I wanted to keep it natural and simple; cuz I know on your birthdays you suppose to go all out and shit but since it was a late dinner wasn't TECHNICALLY my birthday anymore! I went with the simple look with a Black V-Neck Tee :P So...I rsvp'd for a table of 11, and like any group gather; everyone was late (including myself) lol. So they had given my table away for another party that was there; so we had to wait another 30 minutes til our next available table. So my love Anita & I hit the bar and waited there with a drink or two. I ordered my Blue Lemonade once again and Nita had ordered...I can't quite remember what this was; I wanna say Sex On the Beach? Or its something off the bar menu (it was good tho). Then as we were waiting my homeboy KEVIN HA showed up :) so had to take a quick pic before i turn all pink/red from the alcohol. As we move along to the table, people start showing up; we sat and right-a-way drinks were being ordered. Sake Bombs, Cocktails, Mixed other drinks and etc... Here is a photo of Me&Nita; after a couple of drinks we start the process of blushing. Game begins, everyone orders their food; sorry I didn't get to take any photos of what everyone ordered because I was busy drinking constantly. I told'chu I was busy SIPPIN' away! I wasn't lying, everyone kept trying to make me drink more! EVEN KNOWING I'm allergic to alcohol!! lol. that doesn't matter to them. 21st is 21st! thats what they understand it as. Anyways... as the night goes on, somehow we all started getting into GANG SIGNS, west sides, sf's, crips, bloods, all type of shit was being thrown up for the hell of it. LMFAO. I have no idea who had started this topic but here we have Nita&Kip representin hardcore style. But at least out of our whole drinking night, we have Griselda to watch over us; as she eats (she doesn't drink). By the way, her food took foreverrrr to come out for some weird reason, its Udon & Tempura; shouldn't Udon come out super quick? Tempura might take a while, but not that long; I think that dish came out last. While everyone had already been drinking their faces off, her food comes out hella lateR. I felt so bad, I was going to complain. As some of us were still eating we decided to be photo whores and just fcuk around. Nita & I trying to be all sexy with poses and shit. HAH. At this point I don't really remember much of this, this is where everything had become FUZZY for me with all the photos shot. I just remember that I wanted a photo with every single person before the night ends tho! So I can have a souvenir, ya dig. Darrin&I, gotta love Darrin. Been through so much with this guy; he's my big bro mang. love this nigga to death; plus he always teaches me new chinese vocabulary =] hehe. (I had interupted him from eating; lol. sorry darrin!). Can't forget homie YaoYao :D love this guy + Kevin's nice finger, he has always came thru to every single one of my birthday; known this guy since Freshman Year of high school in GYM. hahhaa.... I always thought his real name was Yao cuz thats what everyone calls him. Then to my surprise I find out later that year that Yao was his Last name and Michael was his actual First name. lol. Back to drinking, Sake Bomb; apparently to my surprise Yao&Babe had both ordered a round of Sake Bombs! So I had to give face (its a chinese thing) and drink that shit. CHEERS YOU FCUKERS! Round 1. Round 2 with babe this time... gosh I look pretty buzzed. so embarassing; eh fcuk it. Turn 21 only one time in yo life. Omar, Alex, and Darrin Gaw wanted to take one together. Because they are girls, tell me why Alex the only one smiling tho. lol. I enforced that we take pics before we leave!!! Me, Homie Omarnsterr, & NitaDarrin Gaw, Me, & YaoYaoMe & KevinAlex & IMe & RicardoMe & KipBest for last, the Babesterr & I; I LOVE YOU punk.Once again, one more with the WEST SIIIIIDE! hahaha... its like good old LINCOLN DAYS + Nita (: I miss them days with them. hahah....I haden't planned for anything after dinner, but YaoYao & Darrin had insisted in taking Me & everyone to the Karaoke; cuz they didn't want my night to end so soon since it is my 21st. How sweet of them right? They LOVE me [: Why everyone so serious? Thats why i love Yao. hehe.They are best of boys, see how happy they make eachother? gosh, Babe don't even be cheesing like that with me. Niggaaaaaaa.Everyone occupied with their own cliques and shit.I love this one, Darrin cracks me up (look at Cardo lookin hella surprised in the back). So that was my Birthday, thank you to everyone who had ACTUALLY CAME THRU. in other words ' NOW I KNOW WHO MY REAL FRIENDS ARE'. lmfao. love ya'll. until the next blog yo; *Deuce Deuce*





- Loveva<3

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