What a coincidence. I was rather down in this old blog post as well. Much more so than I am now. So hey, that's a good thing. :) Oh yeah, I left out a detail below: I was single-handledly holding all five us up in a double-bed hotel room for a month and a half, at eighty dollars a night. Owie.
Monday, April 30, 2007
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Current mood: depressed
I'm feeling rather depressed right now. I think I'm randomly getting small anxiety attacks too. It feels like sudden bursts of adrenaline accompanied to a panicky, sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Our hardships just never seem to stop. I'm back at my parents' house, which is almost a prison for me. They don't approve of my lifestyle, the way I dress, my friends, etc. My mother is so critical and negative. She just can't seem to be able to look past her own little world. I hate being there, and I usually hide in the tiny room that I'm staying in.
I'm worse than broke. My account is in the negative by so much, it'll take three to four weeks just to get it out of the red. I'll be working seven days a week for awhile. I have to keep asking my parents for gas money, which I hate doing. At least I'm staying there rent-free. If I was paying rent, it would take me months to get out of this hole.
DSS (Department of Social Services) dropped Nikki's case. I won't go into the details on why, but it really wasn't warranted. They make things next to impossible if you want help getting on your feet. She would have fought it with legal aid, but there's nowhere for her to stay while they go through the process. I couldn't afford the motel anymore.
So Nikki and the kids went to Michigan. I had to rent a car for her to get over there, since the engine blew on her truck during all of this (what luck!). She was told by her lawyer that it would be okay for her to move there, since she has nowhere for her and the kids to stay. Her lawyer also said that if she didn't make the court date on May 3rd, the case would just be dropped. Nikki left a week ago. It was so hard to see her pull away. She's over 600 miles away from me. I'm so lonely and I miss her so much.
It looked like everything would be okay for her. She was staying with her sister. She got herself on FIA (Family Income Assistance), which is the equivalent of DSS in NY. They're much nicer up there. She enrolled the kids in school and she started looking for jobs. She found a two-bedroom apartment for $400, and all that you need to get in is that $400! But then her bastard ex called her sister, threatening to throw Nikki, her sister, and her sister's husband in jail, and have their kids taken away. He said that Nikki kidnapped her kids, and they were accomplices for taking them in. She has custody of them! So of course, he was talking out his asshole (when does he not?), but Nikki's sister bought it hook, line and sinker. She threw Nikki out, and now Nikki is with her father. The next day, she gets a call. She's been hired for a job! But the job is by her sister's house, and now she's living an hour away. Also, the law guardian (the kids' lawyer) said she would issue a warrant for her arrest and revoke her teaching certification if she doesn't show up on the court date.
What's worse, is that her father is broke and is unable to help her with much more than food (he doesn't have much of that either) and a roof over her head. She doesn't have a car and he can't take her anywhere. His long distance service was suspended because of his money problems, so she can't call FIA (in another county, by her sister), or her lawyer back here in NY... or me. I don't get to talk her very much, because her father doesn't approve of our relationship. After about 15 minutes, you can hear him saying, "Get off the damn phone!" Even though he knows I'm the one that called. I'm worried that he'll get more aggravated as time goes by, and I won't be able to talk to her at all.
And it gets worse. Nikki's sister has her medication at her house. It was forgotten in all the rush to get her out of there. Her husband was supposed to meet her father to drop off the meds and some other things, but for some reason they got into a heated argument. She never got her meds. At least one of those meds is very important. It's called synthroid, and it helps her body perform simple things that her thryroid is unable to do. The last time she was unable to take it (when she was in the safe house), she ended up with nerve damage and possibly carpal tunnel in both wrists. She'll probably have to have surgery for that. I'm very worried about what's going to happen to her now.
The court date is coming up. Nikki will be trying to prove to the court that she's getting on her feet in Michigan. It's cheaper to get an apartment there, and she and the kids can stay with her dad until she gets one. She'll soon be getting cash assistance and food stamps. Plus, she technically has a job lined up.
However, there's no telling what they'll decide. It's likely that they won't allow the kids to be in a separate state from their father. The law guardian was threatening to throw the kids into foster care. I'm so nervous about this. I have no idea how to help my sweetheart. I wouldn't know what to say if she got her children taken away. There could be nothing I could possibly say or do to make it better.
I just to want to be with Nikki and the kids, and for us to be okay. That has seemed next to impossible for months now. I'm just waiting for things to start looking up. All I can do now is wait.
Currently listening:Blue Planet
By Donna LewisRelease date: 18 August, 1998
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