Since the original entry was a month away from Christmas, I figured this pic would fit here, especially seeing as it was taken at about the same time period.This was my second post on MySpace, and as you may notice, I was a little vague about certain things. This was on purpose. You see, I had lesbian-themed pics and such all over my blog, but I deliberately refrained from stating that I'm a transsexual. I yearned to be treated like any other female. As I demonstrated in my last post, that may not always turn out to be a good thing!
I figured anyone who gendered me as being female would figure my family problems were due to lesbian issues. Either way, the message is the same: Seeking acceptance from the ones we love. Anyway, this entry was all about my family and my worries of them not speaking to me anymore. Click here to see how it all turned out... so far, at least. I was dead-on in regards to my grandmother, but I haven't spoken to my aunt for over two years now.
Friday, November 25, 2005
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Current mood: worried
Hello there. It's now the day after Thanksgiving, and I'm thinking of my day yesterday...and the future.
Some of you may know more about this than others, but my "alternative lifestyle" (although I think that's a stupid connotation) and my family just do not mix. My father seems to be okay with it, but my mother is not accepting at all. My extended family (several uncles and an aunt, and a grandfather) may have either been told something of this, or are suspecting. They talked to me only sparingly yesterday, and they seemed to be trying to avoid looking at me. I find it hard to convey all of this accurately, but I wonder if I will be spending time with them next Thanksgiving.
Should I hide and avoid confrontation, or should I be honest and forthright, and face rejection? They are all very stuck in the "old world" way of thinking. The one exception may be my aunt (who is, amazingly, only seven years older than me) and possibly my grandmother, who is just very mellow, and going by certain things she's said in the past, pretty open-minded (particularly for someone her age). They all want me to live a normal life, conform to society, blah blah blah...I suppose they may find it somewhat inconvenient to their way of life that I simply "refuse" to do that. I know that they are my family, and I can certainly try to keep my "private life" and my family life somewhat separate. Every once in awhile, though, I get a question that I want to answer but can't, or catch a stray ignorant comment unrelated to me that I find offensive. I can't voice these things, because I am "hiding." I don't want to hide. I want to be real, I want to be me. But at what cost? Can they handle reality? Or will I end up barred from family get-togethers, maybe even ostracized from the family? I suppose only time will tell.
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