Negativity

Negativity is like a disease. You can catch it from others. Persistent anger, sadness, jealousy, or envy is just not conducive to living a happy and healthy life. But no matter how positive you are, you can (and will) come across negative individuals. These people, if they become close to you, can bring some of their negativity into your life.

My mother is negative.

She always found little ways to tear me down. If I had good news, or was happy about something, she would always seem dubious about it's authenticity, or indicated in some way that it wouldn't last. She rarely had a kind word to say about anybody, yet was always worried about their opinion of her. She wasn't a mean person by any means. She seemed to have trouble in seeing the positive about anyone or anything. It was hard growing up with a parent like that. My father was the epitome of neutral, and rarely gave his opinion on anything. I grew up with what seemed like a black cloud over my head. Once I moved out of my parents' house, I began to see the truth.

My first real love (Millie) was also negative. 

When things were going good for us, and we were getting along, she would get afraid of being too close. She would purposely mess up our relationship. She was afraid I would hurt her, although I never did. She stood me up more times than I could count, and it was a toss-up if she would call when she said she would. At one point, we stayed overnight at a motel, to get one night of togetherness. (We both lived with our parents at the time, and hers did their best to keep a close eye on her. No, we were both in our early 20's.) She ended up abandoning me there. When I was asleep, she snuck out. Upon hearing the door close, I woke up. I ran after her car with no shoes on, begging her not to leave. I ended up stepping in glass, cutting my feet. I then realized that I had left the keys in the motel room! Oh, fun. I tried and tried with her, trying to make it work, because I really loved her. In hindsight, I may have been too forgiving. She found me years after we broke up (she just disappeared on me for a month), and apologized for the way she had treated me. She was so afraid that I would hurt her in some way, but the only hurtful one in the relationship was her.

 

I had a coworker who was negative.

This lady was perpetually unhappy. She had been fired from so many employers in our field, but for some reason, my employer hired her anyway. She tried to tear me down for eight long years. They eventually made me the shift supervisor, to her endless chagrin. She tried to get me in trouble, tried to get me to quit, and tried to get other coworkers against me. I wasn't the only one she had a problem with, oh no. But I did seem to be her main target, since I was in charge of her, yet she was better at her job than I was (coughnotreallycough), and she had seniority (technically true, but it meant very little in her case). There was one point where she was criticizing, no... insulting her husband, calling him a dirtbag or a scumbag, and that he only cared about himself. He had gone into a diabetic coma and was in the hospital. He died right around the time she was saying these things about him. She broke down crying, saying, "And I said all those things to him, and about him, and then he died!" I thought maybe that would've changed her attitude right then and there. Poor guy. A few days later, she was back to her usual tirades and schemes.

And then I ended up marrying someone who was (is) very negative.

At first, she didn't seem that way (and neither did Millie, now that I think of it). She just seemed... damaged. And by golly, it was me who was going to fix her and make her happy again! Yeah, right. She would actually say that hate causes CANCER. That's right, not that hate *is* a cancer, but it'll make you get cancer. Yet, let's see... she hates me, she hates Nikki, she hates my mother, she hates my brother and sister, she hates anyone LGBT, and she hates anyone who is not a Christian. That's just for starters. When she's upset, she tries to upset others. "Misery loves company" should be her motto. She won't let my daughter talk to me. It's been three years since I've heard her voice.

And now...?

Today, I am mostly free from negative people and situations. Not all of us are so lucky. Keep in mind that by no means is everything butterflies and daffodils. Life is life. To even talk about the people above, can be considered a negative thing in itself.

But to ruled over by sadness, anger, or depression, is just harmful to the soul, the body, everything.

Notice that I did say "mostly." There is someone who is having a negative impact on us and our family. I harbor no ill will towards this person, but I wish and pray to the God and Goddess that this person would just stop. I believe this friend is mostly a positive person, and I don't think they realize what a negative impact they're having on this household.

Largely because of this person, Nikki and I argue. Yes, sometimes it's in front of the kids, or they overhear it. That makes me sad, but I will admit I act in a brash manner when I get upset, and then I regret it later. Yes, we have our problems, and no, it is not only because of this friend. But they exacerbate the problems, and rub salt in the wounds.

Let us work it out. Let us be in harmony, love, and peace again. I know you're mad at me, but let it be. Be a friend without causing all this chaos. You think you're being positive, but the end result of your actions is:

Negativity.

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I Made a Vlog!

Yes, it's true! I think it may be a bit boring to watch, and unfortunately, the camera we have is not the greatest. And wow... is my voice that low? I think I could get it a bit higher. My voice tends to get lower when I feel "on the spot." When being on camera is more of a natural thing for me, I think my voice could be free to be higher... I hope.

Anyway, watch this, and then go over to my YouTube channel and subscribe, leave a comment, what-have-you. Thanks!

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Letter From Mom

For those who don't know, my mother still doesn't accept the fact that I'm a transsexual. It's been over seven years now, and she seems no closer to coming around than she did then. She still calls me by my old male name, though she knows it was changed a few years back. She refuses to even write the name in correspondence.

Below is a letter that I received late last week. I'm going to write it here, then write my reply, and type it in here too. A lot of the things she states she heard is just untrue. Someone is exaggerating. Anyway, here's her letter to me.

X (male name deleted),

Last week, Dad took Grandma back to Nebraska to see her sister and nieces. He had a good time until his cousins and aunt confronted him about your letters to them. Supposedly, you told them that we had thrown you out and disowned you. I guess you had a few especially nasty things to say about me. I really didn't think it was possible to break my heart anymore than it is. This is your decision to pursue this kind of life. Life is so hard already, and you're only making it harder on yourself. You can't deny that you're making yourself unhireable. An employer has more than enough issues with employees without taking on the burden of hiring a transvestite.

You are so positive that you're doing the right thing, but I really worry about what will become of you. We won't be around forever, and Dan and Laura are really not inclined to help support you. They have their own families and problems. You have taken their brother away, as you have taken my son away. This is your own choice, you don't ask your 93 year old grandmother to finance a sex change. Even if she could, she wouldn't do it. It goes against everything she has lived her life believing.

Please stop sending pictures and trying to force a relationship with these people. They are embarrassed and feel badly for us. I don't know how to make you see this. They are all parents and know how we must feel. All parents want their children to be happy, but your lifestyle is just really hard to get past. Each person's sexuality is a very private thing, and really should be of no interest to others. You're trying to force people into acceptance but that can't work. They don't wish you ill, but at the same time they don't want or have an interest in this. I know I can't make you see the effect you're having, because this is the life you've chosen for yourself, and you've convinced yourself it's right. But this is your own life, and these decisions are yours. You can't change how people think.

I can only hope that you can find people that feel the same way that you do, so you're not alone. You have to have something of your own to fit your life. We can't fit because this is just too much to get past. Because you are our son, it's really so very very hard. It is the heart break of our lives, because we literally don't know how you'll end up, and how you'll support yourself. I have a hard time seeing a good future, you have no job, no insurance, no prospects, no retirement, and no savings. You can't live in a bubble, you have to fit in the world as it exists and not how you want it to be. I don't know how to make you see what's right there. This is your life right now, there is no second chance. You only get to do it once, and when you look back, it's really such a short time. I don't know if I've given you anything to think about, but I'll never stop hoping that I have.

Ma

*sigh*

Dear Mom,

I was very surprised at what you told me in the beginning of your letter. I have never said you kicked me out or disowned me. You took me in for several months when Vanessa was about to sell her house, and after Nikki and the kids went into the safe house. I had no money, and you and Dad took me in and fed me, rent free. Then I chose to move to Michigan with Nikki and the kids. These people (who I don't know and have never talked to) misunderstood, or were exaggerating. The only people I've conversed with on Dad's side of the family, are Grandma, Candice (though not for many months), and Deanna (once, about a year ago). All I told them is that you don't accept or understand why I made the change that I did. I don't know Dad's cousins, and unless it's Aunt Edna, I don't know the aunt of his that you mentioned either. I'm very sorry that they upset you and Dad, but I never told anybody what they claim.

The work situation is an issue that I've been struggling with for years. Yes, there is a stigma attached to being a transsexual, and it's something I have to deal with. Like you said, I didn't make this world, and I have to deal with it and get by as best as I can. Also, I am not a transvestite. A transvestite is someone who dresses in clothing of the opposite sex, and acts in that role, and they later return to their lives and act as their born gender. They typically don't change their name or consider surgery. Transsexuals (note that I have mixed feelings on this term, as many focus on the last three syllables and see it to be a 'sexual' thing) usually take hormones, change their name, and some seek surgery.

Please believe me when I tell you that I have never asked Grandma for money for gender reassignment surgery. I did mention that I wanted it, but had no money, and that was that. Also, please realize that Grandma does accept what I'm doing and who I am. No, I don't think she is any better than you are in any way. I don't know how or why she can accept when others can't. Everyone's different, I suppose.

Yes, I'm no longer representative of any form of son or brother. I can't imagine what such a loss must feel like. I won't apologize for being who I am, but I am sorry for your pain, as well as for the rest of the family. To grieve is natural. I have changed in so many ways. My friend Chris took it hard for many years. Yet, Steve and Daria got through it after a brief adjustment period. Everyone is different, and everyone feels things differently.

As far as sexuality being a private thing, this doesn't apply here (apart from me and Nikki's relationship). This is about gender. I am living the life of a different gender than I used to. The way I feel inside never matched the way I look on the outside. I've felt this way for as far back as I can remember. I was always afraid to say so. Afraid of being ridiculed by other kids, afraid of being punished as a child for acting in a way I shouldn't. Gender is a very public thing. There are males and there are females. They are (usually) very easy to tell apart. I was not happy living in the male gender role. I always felt different inside. I went in and out of depression since high school, until my separation with Christina. It took me so long to put two and two together, and to see that transsexuals are not freakish people. They are not like Rupaul, or like that character on The Rocky Horror Picture Show. They live day to day lives, and you've probably seen some of them and never thought a thing about them. The same way that people may look my way on the street when I'm walking the kids to school, or in a store shopping, and then look away. I've always been rather slim and short, and never had rugged facial features. That really helps me now. I would really love to have a job. Things go fine until they do a background check. Someday, I'll find a more open-minded employer.

I do have insurance at this point, though it's from the state. When Nikki and I finally get married, I could be on her insurance. She's very close to having a regular teaching position, since they're going to be firing the teacher in her classroom. They want Nikki to teach the class. So she'll soon be making a lot more money. As for me, I've been writing a lot lately, and I want to see if I can get a novel published. I've also considered starting my own business, fixing computers and such.

I do have quite a few good friends here. Some are transsexual, but many aren't. I know three mothers of transsexual children. Rachel and Josie are both nine years old, and Emerson is twelve. Josie is home-schooled, since their local school has a problem with her attending class as a girl, but the other two are able to go to school. They have all been saying they're a girl (and Emerson insisting he's a boy) since they could speak. This was unheard of ten years ago, but kids like this were always around. The world is slowly changing. When I was younger, there was barely any media coverage on transsexuality. Now there are specials on The Discovery Channel, and The Learning Channel, as well as episodes of The Tyra Banks Show and others. Many people will never accept or understand, but many others do. There are many crusaders (trans or not) of the rights of transsexuals. I don't wish to be one of them, though I applaud their efforts. I merely wish to live my life as the gender I feel inside. The ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) in Tucson prohibits employers from discriminating on the basis of gender identity. Previously, it only included race, ethnicity, religion, et al. (Though many employers can find another "reason" for firing (or not hiring) anyway.) Things change, albeit slowly.

As far as choice, I didn't choose this. Other than a choice to be happy or not, there is no choice. This is who I am inside. I can be me, or live a lie. I can live as a woman, or fight depression and anxiety for the rest of my life. Besides being without a job, I am happy. I love Nikki, I love our family, and I love my home and my friends. I'm so much more in touch with my feelings than I was before. Grandma said when she saw me a year ago, that she had never seen me talk so much or seem so happy. I am, very much so. I'm comfortable and at ease with myself. I'm living my life authentically. Like you said, there's no second chance in life. If I tried to be who everyone wants me to be, I would only live my life with regret and sadness.

I truly love you and Dad, my brother and sister, and grandparents, aunts and uncles. I can feel that so much more. And I feel so sad that so many of you cannot accept who I am. But just as I have no choice but to be who I am, you (all of you) have no choice but to feel the way you feel about it. Maybe someday, you'll see that I'm still here. I have the same interests, the same values, and the same wacky sense of humor. My gender is all that's changed. But yes, that is an awfully big change. I wish I could put an end to my family's pain, disappointment, and heartbreak. The only way for me to that would be to return to living a lie, the act that I had to play for so many years... and that would be so unhealthy for me. 'Devastating' would not even be a fitting word.

I love you, Ma. I love you all.

Love,

Amy

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Liz and Us at The Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum

Yes, this is old news by now, but many of you have not seen this, particularly those that visit Liz's blog (and/or mine) and are not Facebook pals. I have plenty of more new happenings to blog about after this, so check back, okay?

So this was back in July, when we went to The Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum. Liz was kind enough to give us the guided tour, which we were unfortunately late for. We semi-rushed from exhibit to exhibit, checking out the local wildlife in this very interesting zoo of sorts. I'll leave it up to pictures and captions now.

I'm pretty sure this "play cave" is for kids only, but I'm really just a big kid at heart.  ;)

Wow! My sweetie got an awesome picture of this owl with it's handler. I just love owls!

This is a raven during the Skyhunters show.

An owl during the Skyhunters show. The show was wonderful.

Here's a hawk, about to fly over the audience. They came so close to our heads!

Liz and the kids are trying to look at something. What can it be...?

Aaahh! It's a snake! ... Liz didn't touch it. Hee hee.

Ice cream. Yum! Liz bought it for the kids. What a sweetie!

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A Day in the Life...

This was taken from a message to a friend, which I've expanded quite a bit. Wednesday. "Hump Day" for the fortunately employed, but rather hellish for me.

(It's funny... I googled "tough day" and got the above image. How ironic... don't ya think?)

It's been a very busy week here. We were in danger of losing the apartment, but thank goodness my mother helped us. Nikki just started working about two weeks ago, but she doesn't get paid until September 4th, so things are tight until then. I've been pulling the wagon back and forth to take Savannah to school (see previous blog entry).

On Tuesday evening, our air conditioning stopped working. It quickly got to over 80 degrees in the apartment. The serviceman came down, but he couldn't do anything on the roof since it was dark and rainy at the time. I ended up pulling an all-nighter because it was just too hot for me to fall asleep. I don't think I've done that since I was a teenager. I had the car on Wednesday so that I could take Skylar to a doctor appointment. I thought it would be a nice day, since I wouldn't have to drag the wagon around for six miles. Heh, not really.

I dropped Nikki off at work, dropped Savannah off at school, then went home to wait for the repairman, and for the package to come from my mother. The apartment manager has been giving us a hard time because I'm not on the lease yet. It turns out that any adult who lives in an apartment must be on the lease. On this one particular day, she decided to step it up a notch.

"I'm not allowed to give you any information because you are not on the lease."

"I don't need information, I just need the serviceman to come by and fix the air conditioning."

"We don't have clearance for the serviceman to enter the home, and only Nikki can give the clearance."

"Wait a second. She's at work and can't be readily reached, but I am here in the apartment."

"Yes, but you are not on the lease, and that's the problem here."

"The problem here is that there is a four year old in this apartment, and in a few hours, it will be over 100 degrees in here... and you won't let him fix the air conditioning."

"Sigh... it'll take him about a half hour since he's working on another repair right now."

He arrived less than ten minutes later. The problem was fixed in about five minutes. When I asked him what was wrong with it, he said that he had "gotten in trouble with the manager" for talking to me the night before, and Nikki would have to call the office to find out. (We don't care that much, as long as it's fixed.) I wonder how exactly he got in "trouble?" And why? How would he know if my name was on the lease or not?

Then I went to Sarah's school to give them some money she owes for lunches, went home and got one hour of sleep, then got up, gave Skylar lunch and took her to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor gave her a clean bill of health, and said her shots could wait until next year. I agreed to that, since I was late for picking up Savannah.

I picked up Savannah from school, then I filled the tank with gas, and went home to wait for Sarah to get home. I saw a note stuck in the door. The deliveryman had arrived while I was out running our errands, and the package was at the post office. It was made out to Nikki, since my mother still refuses to acknowledge in any way that I have a new name... yet she is intelligent enough to know that I can't sign for a package with a name that is no longer my own. Anyway, Sarah got home, and I helped her with her homework, but we couldn't finish because I had to pick Nikki back up from work.

Nikki usually gets off at 3:45. I got there early since I figured, who knows, we might get delayed in traffic and not make it back to the post office in time, 35 minutes from her employer! 4:00 PM came and went. I went inside and asked the receptionist if she was still there. She said that she believed she had left, but I was welcome to check the classroom if I wanted to. I was getting really nervous now. Did she get a ride home from someone else? Did she get hurt or sick at work, and was rushed to the hospital? Not only was I worried for her health and safety, but she was the only one who could sign for that package, and the court date was tomorrow! Then I saw her walking, and caught up with her. She asked me, "How were you coming from back there?" The kids were all crying because they were stuck in a hot car for 20 minutes, and they were thirsty and hungry. Savannah had a migraine. Unfortunately, to keep our home, we couldn't yet stop for food, water or pain relievers. We had to hightail it to the post office before the 5 PM deadline. We got there at 4:45 PM.

Nikki signed for the package and we brought it to the manager, and now yay, we don't have to appear in court the next day. The manager was a totally different person at this point. Personable and friendly. Hmmm, well she was getting money after all. My mother actually sent us a bit more than we needed, so that money is going towards getting my name on the lease ($39.00), and as a credit towards next month's rent.

We went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant near us. We came home and I jumped into bed and fell asleep so fast. I much prefer the Kiddo Karavan days.

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Amy and The Karavan of Kiddos

Coming soon to a theatre near you! Okay, seriously then. What you see to the left is me (duh), with Skylar in this new wagon we got. You see, we only have one car, and it's been malfunctioning quite often. Dropping Nikki off at work and picking her up puts a lot of wear and tear on that old thing... and makes us have to buy gas every three days as well.

Sarah and Savannah's schools won't bus them. Sarah is old enough to walk, but I still have to remind Savannah to look both ways when crossing the street, and not to make a sudden dash across it! I can't leave the youngest one at home, and she can't make the walk yet, especially in this heat. She seems to get overheated very fast. So I pull Skylar, and Savannah walks. It's about a mile and a half to Savannah's school. I drop her off in the morning and go back home. Then I pick her up in the afternoon and we go back home. So we're talking approximately six miles a day. All the while pulling about fifty pounds of weight behind me. Skylar is 30-something pounds, and this wagon is at least 15 pounds, maybe more.

It's a real beast dragging the wagon for all those miles, especially when it's over 100 degrees out. I bring at least a gallon of water with me. Sometimes I pour it on us. On Monday, I made the mistake of making the afternoon trip on an empty stomach. Bad idea. I had to stop right after getting Savannah because I thought I was going to throw up. Now I make sure I eat something! As of yesterday, I added Gatorade to my knapsack of liquid refreshers. It really helped. It also rained the whole way home yesterday afternoon, and I loved that. I was completely cooled off before I walked in the door. No resting in bed needed after that trip.  ;)

I make sure the kids are safe, of course. I found a pink Easter hat for Skylar to wear, and I pour water on her if she seems to be very hot. Skylar gets 70 SPF sunblock on any exposed skin. Savannah only gets half the trip we do, which is much easier. It's always on the way back that I start to become tired or overheated. Savannah complains if I get the car that day (for running errands and going to appointments) and I drive her to school. She prefers to walk. Skylar loves the ride. It's some time spent with just mama (aka Me), and their affections for me have stepped up a notch since we started walking. I don't mind that at all!

The real bonus for me is that it's kicking my ass, but I'm losing weight! I lost three pounds since last week. I've probably sweated enough to fill up a dozen gallon jugs. I make sure to rehydrate constantly, and when we get home, I eat something that'll put the electrolytes back into me.

As it is, people are really going to start recognizing me around here. "There's the woman with the wagon again. Look at `em go!" I try to look my best of course, but it's kind of hard when my face is all red and sweaty, and my hair is pasted to my forehead. All in a day's work, I suppose!

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I'm Baaaa-ack!

Hmmm, where do I start? It's been a month and a half since I last posted. Why, do you ask? It's been hard for me to settle down to a routine since moving to Arizona. That, and we used to have two computers running. We still have the other computer, but we need a desk and a new mouse. The mouse won't click, and the desk is back in Michigan. (There were quite a few things we just couldn't fit in the truck.)

Since my last post, we've had good times and bad times. Maybe I should get the bad news out of the way. Our car was majorly messed up. First there was some problem with something attached to the axel. (Cars are beyond me...) Then we had a problem with the brakes. They tried to fix it, but the parts were all rusted, and everything just crumbled and fell off! That cost over $400.

Savannah's birthday was on July 30th. We invited a whole bunch of people. Everyone canceled except for Liz. Thanks so much for coming, Liz! That, and it was raining the whole time. So much for a pool party. But Savannah thanked us for giving her the best birthday party ever. I love that kid!

Last Monday, I got pulled over for speeding. The speed limit changed from 40 MPH to 30 MPH along Broadway, unbeknown to me, and I got pulled over soon after for going 43. And little did I know, my Michigan license was suspended for an unpaid ticket I got up there, right before we moved. (You can read about that here.) Yes, my mail from Michigan is forwarded. No, I got no notice of this suspension. The car's registration had expired on July 1st, only a month before we were stopped. I was expecting to get arrested. I wasn't (thank goodness!), but the car was impounded. So we've been without a car for another five days. One way or another, we always seem to be denied it's usage. We walked down to the DMV a few days ago. We came back hot and exhausted. Walking four miles in this heat is not fun! Nikki got the car registered, and as I type this, she's going to get it out of the impound. I just paid the Michigan ticket online, to the tune of $598. Nikki is paying the impound and the tow trucking company now. Just the taxi fare for going back and forth will be over $100. We're not made of money. In fact, we barely have enough to survive. I just don't know how much more we can take until we end up on the street or something.

I haven't gotten a job yet, but Nikki has. She's going to be a teacher aide, working one on one with some problematic child that they have there. Hopefully he won't be violent. She's really disappointed, since she wants her own classroom. After attending college for six years in New York, and substituting for three years in Michigan... well, I think she's done enough, and she should be allowed to teach now.

Reliving all the bad events above has made me quite incapable of writing about any good times. They were there, believe me. It just seems hard to believe that more good times will be coming, not with the cards stacked against us everywhere we turn. I don't want to end on a bad note, so here are a few pics from the Tucson Botanical Gardens. We had a good time there, and there were many interesting things to see.

"Mama, how do you get this thing out of first gear?"

This is a pineapple cactus, so named because of the little pineapple-shaped fruits that appear on top during the hot summer months. I found out that they're sweet and safe to eat, now I just need to try one.

It was very hot out, so hey this is one way to cool down.  ;)

"Honey, it's got me!!!"

It's us, the "Bad Luck Gang." At least we're all beautiful, huh?

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Our New Digs!

Has anyone referred to a home as "digs" since the eighties? Anyway, continuing the tale of our move to Arizona. For the details on the trip down, see the previous entry.

We were staying at our second La Quinta, one that turned out to be right down the road from our apartment. We got up, had our last complimentary breakfast, and headed to our new home. I was immediately intrigued by all the palm trees lining the road. I knew there would be cacti (yet there weren't as much of those as I thought there would be), but I never thought palm trees! I love them almost as much as cacti.

We filled out the lease and paid the manager, and got our keys for the apartment, mailbox, and pool. Now came the fun part (yeah, right?): Unloading the truck. Our feet were already swollen and hurting from driving all that way. Walking around with added weight bearing down on them did not feel good at all. I think that was the main reason why unloading was harder than loading. To boot, we had to go down a flight of steps for each load. The apartment is a downstairs one, which would normally be ground level. However, we're slightly below ground level, by about five feet.

We moved almost everything in on the first day. That evening, while I was getting a few last minute boxes, I saw what looked to be a cat. It was pretty curious as to what was inside the truck. I looked again. No, it's bigger... is that a raccoon? It saw me and sauntered away, moving like a cat would. I had gotten to the truck by this time, and peeked around the far side of it. It was a bobcat! I was amazed. The manager said we also get visits by roadrunner, coyotes and other such animals. Seeing it was believing.

On our second day in Tucson, we took it a bit more easy. We only brought in a few heavier things (all that was left, as I had taken all the boxes and bags in already), and unpacked some boxes. We had two things that we couldn't possibly move by ourselves. Our entertainment center (good, solid wood) and our computer desk (ditto, but a bit lighter). We saved it for another day. We took nap breaks and showers. Recuperating. My body wanted me to sleep, sleep, sleep.

On the third day, we got a call from the manager, warning us that she's about to tow the rental truck. There was really nowhere to park that big thing. We called up a friend of Nikki's father. He came by and helped us move the computer desk in. We were heading back for the entertainment center, when he spotted a bunch of latino men, who were moving in themselves. He got them to carry the entertainment center in for us! There was nowhere to lend a helping hand (not that we minded that much, hehe), so Nikki and I just followed behind. They were such a lifesaver.

At some point, our white's treefrog died. We had him back in his tank, with his crickets hopping all over, but he died. Maybe it was the shock of moving. Maybe it was the dry climate. Either way, all our frogs are gone now (we had three), so we need to get some more, as soon as our budget allows.

Other than that, there's not much to tell. We've unpacked almost all the boxes. Almost, because we had to leave our bookcase and cd racks behind. Not everything fit inside the truck. We know where all the local stores are: Walmart, Safeway, Staples, Petco, etc. We've been doing lots of laundry. I took that for granted for so many years in New York... being able to do laundry AT HOME... whenever we want! Skylar is in her own room now, thus unable to destroy her sisters' things or bother them while they try to go to sleep. We need a few things, like a couch, lawn furniture, and the aforementioned bookcase and cd racks. But we love our new home.

Here are a few pics of how it looked before we unloaded the truck. Thanks for reading.  :)

Our living room. Those blinds cover a sliding door, which we blocked with the entertainment center. It was too easy for Skylar to open.

A view of the kitchen, with the breakfast nook in front. Yes, the stove/oven is electric. Yes, we have a dishwasher.  ;)

And yes, we have a washer and dryer! YAY!!!

The kids' bathroom. There is now a froggie shower curtain hung there.

This is Skylar's room. Sarah and Savannah share a room, that is a bit bigger, with a double closet.

The master bedroom. The blinds cover another sliding door, this one leading to a small yard, covered with brownish/reddish rocks. I would love to sit out there and read, as there is an outside light. We just need patio furniture first.

The master bathroom. The sink is off-camera to the left.

The master walk-in closet. The sink is off-camera to the right, and you can see the edge of the counter here.

This is the small yard, looking out from the master bedroom. I hang out there sometimes.

This is a shared patio (with one other apartment), looking out of the front door. Those steps are a lot easier to navigate without carrying boxes and furniture!

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Welcome to the Realm of the Sun!

I'm baaa-aaack! We made it, from Michigan to Arizona. And yes, I have photos. (This one on the left is one of us standing in front of a cactus in front of a restaurant.) I'm going to split this into a few entries. This one will be about the trip down. The following entries (over the course of the next few days, if I can stick with this) will be about the apartment, unloading the truck and unpacking, job searching, and whatever else that's gone on in the nigh-three weeks that has passed since my last entry.

Speaking of which, I must humbly apologize for the lack of entries of late. I've been a fish out of water lately, and I'm having trouble getting myself into any kind of routine at all. I've also been rather unsociable, which happens when I feel stressed in some way. I'm getting there though.

Before I get into our road trip stories, I just want to say that I love it here! Everyone was telling me the heat was unbearable. Pshaw! True, I've yet to see any 120 degree days (though it got up to 107 last week), but so far it's been a snap. The humidity is very low here. To me, it seems like 85 degrees when it's really 105. Yes, I sweat... but not profusely. It doesn't stick to you like it would in Michigan or New York. I love the nights. Sooo comfortable. I've always loved summer nights. The neighborhood (read: apartment complex) is very quiet and serene, and the neighbors are pleasant. What a change from Michigan! I would never want to walk around our old apartment complex at night, for fear of being harrassed by the local hoodlums. People would walk around at all hours of the night, fighting and screaming at each other.

Here? Silence. That is, besides the sound of people's televisions inside, cars passing by on the road outside the complex, and the hum of air conditioners. I look up and see the stars, clearly visible with nary a cloud in the sky. I feel the warm air caressing my body. There are no mosquitoes, no horseflies. Later, day breaks. It gradually begins to get hotter outside, but it bothers me not. (I don't burn too easily.) The sky is so bereft of clouds that I can see the moon in one part of the sky, and the sun in another... way before sundown. I try to find a cloud in the sky, just one wisp of white... none. I venture out by car to the main road outside our complex. Palm trees line the roadside, and every so often, a saguaro cactus stands defiantly, thrusting towards the sky. But the masters of the sky around here must be the mountains surrounding Tucson. The Santa Catalina Mountains to the north, the Rincon Mountains to the east, the Santa Rita Mountains to the south, and the Tucson Mountains far to the west. This may not be a paradise to some... but it's my paradise.

Anyway, the ride down:

DAY ONE

I wrote a series of scheduled posts the night before we left. The first one (for day one of our trip) was pretty accurate. We wanted to take our picture in front of a sign saying, "Now leaving Michigan" or something, but there wasn't any. Not on I-75, anyway.  :(   The entire trip that day consisted of farmland, houses, empty fields... and more farmland. Yes, it was quite rural. We had lunch at a picnic table outside a gas station/food mart in Ohio (see photo below). The people there were quite friendly. 

An Ohio lunch.

I don't remember much of Illinois or Indiana (Indiana was over quickly, if I remember correctly). The people were pretty rude in the section of Missouri we stopped in (an hour or two from Waynesville). Nikki and the kids went to McDonald's for dinner, but I ran across the street to get Taco Bell.  ;)  As I was walking back into McDonald's with my bag o' Taco Bell, I was given the evil eye by an employee sitting down on her break. Well, frag you too!

This was either Illinois or Indiana, I'm not sure which.

Then we got to the motel in Waynesville, after getting lost in St. Louis because Sarah had to use the bathroom. This particular motel did not allow animals. There would be a $50 charge if evidence of animals in the room was found, plus expellment from the motel. Besides the rats, mice, and frog... we had two cats with us. We put blankets over the cat carriers and prayed they wouldn't meow. They didn't. We passed right by a group of Harley Dudes. One of them said, "Helllllo ladies." I don't think they were paying attention to what we were carrying!

DAY TWO

The scheduled post for day two was pretty accurate as well. The day was mostly boring, as we were only on two roads (I-44 and I-40). We managed to sneak the cats and other animals back into the car with no problem. I almost left my cellphone behind at the motel. Thank goodness one of the housekeeping staff found it and told me, just five minutes before we were about to leave.

Nikki discovered that the mice had died. There were two of them in the little carrier, and they were both dead. Maybe it got too hot for them, though I did make sure to keep their cage in the shade at all times. They had food and water, so we're still not sure why they died. Nikki's rats were (and are) fine.

At one point during the day, I kept seeing tufts of cotton fly by my face, and out the car window (no air conditioning, so the windows were open). It took awhile for me to realize it, but Skylar was pulling the stuffing out of her pillow. I had to confiscate it from her, at which point she began to wail quite loudly. I put my earbuds back in, and jacked up the volume on my iPod. It worked like a charm, except for between tunes, of course.

Oklahoma, I believe. We didn't take many pictures on this day.

I'm really glad we moved to Arizona, and not Oklahoma. Not to say that there aren't fine, good people living in that state, but... well, Nikki needed some help pulling alongside the pump at a gas station. (Long story.) The young man (I think) who helped her... well, he looked young, but acted like an elderly gentleman in some ways. All he was missing was some wrinkles and a shaft of wheat sticking out of his mouth. He was sporting overalls, baseball cap askew and backwards, and some missing teeth. He was rocking back and forth on his heels, and looking me up and down, saying, "You don't come from these here parts, do ya? Are you and ya friend moving here in that there truck? No? Awww, it ain't so bad here. Ya might like it!" Interestingly enough, Nikki thought he might be a very odd female-to-male transsexual. That's not what I saw. I suppose he defied characterization... by us, anyway. We couldn't get out of there fast enough.

We got turned around a few more times that day, for restroom breaks, gas stops, and meal time. That stretch on I-40 in Texas was particularly barren. We were feeling very drowsy, so we stopped for an hour and parked in an empty parking lot to get some rest. We didn't get to the Amarillo La Quinta (a motel which which allowed pets, yay!) until about 4 am. We then decided to change our plans somewhat. Originally, we were going to get into Arizona on Monday, May 31st. This day is also Memorial Day, so we wouldn't have been able to move in just yet. We'd have to occupy ourselves in Tucson for a day, then move in the following morning (June 1st). So we decided to have our "resting day" a day earlier, in Texas.

DAY THREE

There was no travelling at all on this day. We slept too late to take advantage of the continental breakfast offered by La Quinta, so we ate lunch at Denny's next door. Not bad at all, though a bit pricey. We went back to our room, put on the TV for the kids, and passed out cold. We woke up a few hours later, only to find that Skylar had squeezed all my shampoo and conditioner out onto the floor. Yay. And I so badly needed a shower. Double yay. We found a nearby Walgreen's, and, since I couldn't find my brand there (Marc Anthony's Thicker), I got the new sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner from L'Oreal (one of them, anyway). Sulfates tend to strip the color out of dyed hair quite quickly, so I wanted to give a sulfate-free hair product a try. It does make my red hair color stay in much longer, but it doesn't provide the sheer volume of Marc Anthony's products, even though L'Oreal's are volumizing as well. Anyway, I digress.

We ate dinner at Wendy's, or rather, Nikki and the kids did. I pulled my "run across to Taco Bell and bring back" routine. No stares this time. The Texans were friendly, at least in Amarillo. Oddly enough, best Taco Bell I've ever had. Seriously. I know, most (or all) of you are thinking now, "What's the difference? It's all the same ingredients!" It was all so fresh though, and the Volcano Nachos was packed full of stuff. I ran out of nachos before I ran out of toppings. Now don't get me wrong, Taco Bell is so bottom-of-the-barrell as to not even be considered Mexican food (that would be like comparing Spaghettios to real spaghetti with homemade meatballs), but this was the best they could do with what they had. Impressive, if you like Taco Bell. I have no idea if this is a rarity or a commonplace occurence in Texas, but it sure was yummy.

We made sure to turn in early to prepare for the last day of our trip.

DAY FOUR

This would've been our lounge-around-in-Tucson-day, but we decided to make that Amarillo instead, so this day consisted of the trip from Amarillo to Tucson. We got up early enough to have some continental breakfast at the motel this time. There were waffles in the shape of the state of Texas. Cute, huh? Then we were on I-40 for another 285 miles. We had trouble finding somewhere to eat for lunch. We were tired of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. We shouldn't have, but we stopped at a Mexican restaurant (in New Mexico) and blew $50 on a late lunch. I had posole (a spicy soup with corn and pork), and a huge burrito. It was delicious. Nikki and the kids had boring crap like chicken fingers. Go figure. We took a whole bunch of pictures before and after crossing through New Mexico...

Sarah in some field in Texas.

Nikki in the same field.

Savannah, just inside New Mexico.

Savannah with a wild cow (?) in the distance.

Skylar sleeping it off in New Mexico.

Sarah, ditto.

I have no idea what cool-looking mountain in New Mexico this was... but it sure was cool-looking.

I know the sign is cut off (d'oh!), but this was taken in front of Exit 321, to Palomas, on I-40 West.

Some time after that, we went up this road that went up some mountain. We got off of I-40 and onto I-25 South after going back down the mountain.

We got food to go from McDonald's for dinner, and ate while on the road, since time wasn't being our friend once again. We were really low on funds by this point, and were worried that we wouldn't have enough money to fuel our vehicles for the rest of the trip. (It was close.)

We didn't cross into Arizona (on I-10) until after nightfall. We were starting to close our eyes for more than a second or two again, so we slept for an hour or so in a gas station parking lot. We headed out again on I-10, and it was soon after that I started seeing odd shadows on the roadside and median. Cacti? It teased me for awhile longer, until an approaching tractor trailer on the other side of the road illuminated the median for just a second. There I saw it: A saguaro cactus at least ten feet tall! I was so excited that I phoned Nikki to tell her what I saw. She said, and I repeat, "I'm so glad you shared that with me, baby, but remember my battery is low?" I love her.

I was stopped by border patrol not too long after this. The officer was very friendly, and was just making a routine inspection to make sure that drugs or other illegal thingies weren't going to or from Mexico via our car. He wanted me to open the trunk, and he exclaimed, "Wow, you're really packed full." He bade me a safe trip and a good night, and I continued on my way.

The rest of the ride into Tucson seemed to take  f o r e v e r. But we finally made it to La Quinta in Tucson (which is down the road from us and quite a simple drive, yet the Mapquest directions had us going in circles). Check in we did (though there was a little confusion on the part of the clerk there, since we had cancelled day one of our stay (we stayed in Amarillo instead), and kept day two), and pass out we did. We moved into our new apartment the next day! But then, that's a subject for my next entry. After seeing the length of this entry, now you see why I'm splitting all this into separate entries!

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