I went to a therapy evaluation last Wednesday. The woman I saw thought that I should start on a small dose of Wellbutrin. After seeing almost every one of my significant others struggle with the side-effects of psychiatric meds, I decided to hold off on that for now. Consider me "undecided." Most of my emotional problems are due to Nikki and I having problems. I'm fine for the most part, otherwise. But get this... there is a therapist who specializes in GID (Gender Identity Disorder), less than a half hour from me! I had called about 12 therapists and psychologists last summer, but none of them took my insurance. Some of them took NO insurance. But this one does, and he works for the same psychiatric healthcare organization that has already accepted me for services. What does this mean? Well, for starters, I get a GID specialist again (haven't had one of those since 2007), who "gets" transfolk and the issues they face. Second of all, he can write letters for surgery (GRS)! All I'll need now is mucho dineros... oh yeah... that. Well, one step at a time. The only downside is the fact that he's male. I feel much more comfortable with a female therapist. It'll be some kind of awesome if he's a transman though.
Speaking of Nikki and I, we are doing a lot better than we were. We still fight about stupid things, misunderstandings and such. I hate fighting with her. I feel like it injures my soul. Valentine's Day was very nice. We made each other handmade cards and such. She made a lot more for me than I did for her, but then, she's very artistic and crafty. We're going to buy each other something nice when some money comes in.
I got the notice from the court that I don't have to appear, due to my taking that diversion class last month. I thought I would have to appear in court to show them the notice and all, but now I don't even have to do that. Bonus!
We're going to have someone build a custom enclosure for Fizban (my green iguana). We wanted it to be outside, and Nikki found somebody at work who would build it for us, but the landlady doesn't think it's allowed by the management to keep the enclosure in the back or front yard. That would mean he might have to be loose in our room, probably with shelves going diagonally up the wall. I'm not too crazy about this, but we may not have any choice. I'm hoping we can fit a big enough enclosure in our room if we can afford it.
No, that's neither me nor my iguana. I would love to have an enclosure that size though! Maybe someday...
I posted a new geocaching blog a couple days ago. You can find it here. Then if you want, click on "home" on that site, and read the rest of the posts. Maybe follow and leave a comment. It's very quiet over there. "Shhh... be vewy quiet. I'm huntin' geocaches."
On the Wicca front, I'm still waiting for the classes to start. End of March. Sigh. I'm also wondering what tradition I'm going to be joining, and who will have me. This has me maybe more worried than I should be. Here's an excerpt from a message to my good friend, Page. She's my mentor for all things Wicca, and just an overall wonderful gal. Anyway...
"I'm feeling somewhat discouraged, Page. I asked the High Priestess, who I met two weeks ago) if there would be any problem with me being in their coven due to me being a pre-op transsexual. She said that the fact that I am in-between sexes (transitioned but have not yet had surgery), would confuse the flow of energy. Garderian Wicca, which the High Priestess practices, is rather strict and structured, with a distinct male and female polarity. She also said that I could join the outer circle of the coven, but to be initiated into the inner circle is highly unlikely. They have had a transwoman as an active member, but she had to leave to relocate to a job elsewhere. She wasn't a part of the inner circle.
She was very nice, don't get me wrong, but I don't want stay a member and be never be initiated, ever. I want all the experience that I can have. And what's more, I want to belong. I thought that in Wicca, I could find a place where I belong. Gardnerians won't initiate me, and Dianic Covens want women-born-women. I had to fight and fight to get to where I am, to just be seen as female. What does almost every other female have to do, to be seen as female? Be born. They get the "my precious baby girl," the pretty dresses, and the treatment that boys their own age just don't get. I missed out on that. I missed out on grade school, middle school, high school, my 20's (party girl time!), and now I'm going to miss out on being initiated into a coven, when Wicca is supposedly the most accepting religion there is...??? I can't accept that. I don't want to just practice solitary, it's not enough. Maybe others like doing it and that's great to worship the way you truly enjoy, but I want more. I've missed out on almost EVERYTHING ELSE that's out there. I want to be included already.
The bad thing is that most covens aren't listed anywhere. I can't just email somebody about it, or look on their webpage to see their bylaws or anything. I've heard that Feri (or Faerie) Wicca accepts transfolk, and so does Reclaiming Wicca, but I can't find out if any covens following those traditions are out there. Maybe I will find a very understanding Dianic coven, there are quite a few here, but I can't find any instance of a Dianic coven with a transgender member. But then again, most covens aren't on the net at all. Sigh. I'll just have to be patient and hope for the best."
Like I said, maybe I'm making more out of this than I should. Or maybe I'm just neurotic. Or both. Here's a YouTube video for your perusal if you wish. It's someone protesting about transsexual women being discriminated against in regards to learning, or joining, the Dianic Wiccan tradition. She got on my good side, this one. :)
