Goodbye, Fizban

It breaks my heart. We just had to do it. Fizban had grown too big to remain in the tank in which he was residing. We were going to have a big one built, but it would've cost about $800, and we don't have that kind of money right now.

Originally we were going to put him in this area, behind our apartment:

We were going to cover up the exposed areas with a rubber or PVC-coated wire. Little did we know, not only is this not allowed, but the landlady moved into the apartment upstairs from us. She walks past our little back area at least twice a day, going to and from her apartment to the office. We couldn't even build him a cage and have it be in the back or front area. It's not allowed.

 Fizban at 3 months old.

 Fizban, taken on the day before yesterday.

We figured we had about a year to get him the big cage, but it started to get too small for him at about seven months old. My old iguana was in a 50-gallon tank for two years. I figured he never grew because he would grow to his accomodations. Not true. I think he actually had a calcium deficiency due to the absence of UVB rays. If these lamps were even made back then (in the late 90's), nobody was aware that iguanas need UVB light in order to absorb the calcium you give them.

Not the case with Fizban. We had three lamps on him during the day: a UVA lamp (regular old lightbulb), a UVB incandescent lamp, and a lamp with a CHE bulb (Ceramic Heat Emitter). A CHE produces heat, but no light, and it's perfect for keeping the iguana's cage warm (and dark) at night. I made sure to give him all the correct foods, and supplement it with calcium and a multivitamin. He was very healthy, and nice and green, unlike many other juvenile iguanas out there. He was ornery already, and he never seemed to get used to us walking past his cage. Just like any animal, an iguana's personality can vary. When buying an iguana, I pick what seems to be the friendliest one. Unfortunately, they only had one iguana when we came to buy Fizban.

Nikki, saying goodbye to our Fizban.

We could tell that he was stressed in the tank, because he got even more ornery, even when I was replacing his food and water bowls. He sure can whip that tail!

Rather than try to sell him on Craig's List or something, we chose to bring him back to the reptile store. We didn't ask for any money. Maybe he'll calm down enough for someone to want to buy him. I hope he ends up in a good home. We also gave the shop owner his vitamins and such. At least we helped out a small business over here. I'd always rather do that than shop at PetCo or PetSmart, etc.

I really miss him. I'm used to him watching me as I putter about our bedroom. Now the room just feels desolate. I can feel the absence of life in there.

Next time, we'll build the cage first, then get the iguana. We have the bowls, lights and decorations already. Having an iguana is a major investment. The pet itself is about $20. What you have to get for him to be comfortable and live happily, costs hundreds.

Fizban at the reptile store. Bye bye, green boy.  :(

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Cornucopia

This is a bit later than I mentioned in my last post, and there's no one topic for this entry, so let's dive right in!

I went to a therapy evaluation last Wednesday. The woman I saw thought that I should start on a small dose of Wellbutrin. After seeing almost every one of my significant others struggle with the side-effects of  psychiatric meds, I decided to hold off on that for now. Consider me "undecided." Most of my emotional problems are due to Nikki and I having problems. I'm fine for the most part, otherwise. But get this... there is a therapist who specializes in GID (Gender Identity Disorder), less than a half hour from me! I had called about 12 therapists and psychologists last summer, but none of them took my insurance. Some of them took NO insurance. But this one does, and he works for the same psychiatric healthcare organization that has already accepted me for services. What does this mean? Well, for starters, I get a GID specialist again (haven't had one of those since 2007), who "gets" transfolk and the issues they face. Second of all, he can write letters for surgery (GRS)! All I'll need now is mucho dineros... oh yeah... that. Well, one step at a time. The only downside is the fact that he's male. I feel much more comfortable with a female therapist. It'll be some kind of awesome if he's a transman though.

Speaking of Nikki and I, we are doing a lot better than we were. We still fight about stupid things, misunderstandings and such. I hate fighting with her. I feel like it injures my soul. Valentine's Day was very nice. We made each other handmade cards and such. She made a lot more for me than I did for her, but then, she's very artistic and crafty. We're going to buy each other something nice when some money comes in.

I got the notice from the court that I don't have to appear, due to my taking that diversion class last month. I thought I would have to appear in court to show them the notice and all, but now I don't even have to do that. Bonus!

We're going to have someone build a custom enclosure for Fizban (my green iguana). We wanted it to be outside, and Nikki found somebody at work who would build it for us, but the landlady doesn't think it's allowed by the management to keep the enclosure in the back or front yard. That would mean he might have to be loose in our room, probably with shelves going diagonally up the wall. I'm not too crazy about this, but we may not have any choice. I'm hoping we can fit a big enough enclosure in our room if we can afford it.

No, that's neither me nor my iguana. I would love to have an enclosure that size though! Maybe someday...

I posted a new geocaching blog a couple days ago. You can find it here. Then if you want, click on "home" on that site, and read the rest of the posts. Maybe follow and leave a comment. It's very quiet over there. "Shhh... be vewy quiet. I'm huntin' geocaches."

On the Wicca front, I'm still waiting for the classes to start. End of March. Sigh. I'm also wondering what tradition I'm going to be joining, and who will have me. This has me maybe more worried than I should be. Here's an excerpt from a message to my good friend, Page. She's my mentor for all things Wicca, and just an overall wonderful gal. Anyway...

"I'm feeling somewhat discouraged, Page. I asked the High Priestess, who I met two weeks ago) if there would be any problem with me being in their coven due to me being a pre-op transsexual. She said that the fact that I am in-between sexes (transitioned but have not yet had surgery), would confuse the flow of energy. Garderian Wicca, which the High Priestess practices, is rather strict and structured, with a distinct male and female polarity. She also said that I could join the outer circle of the coven, but to be initiated into the inner circle is highly unlikely. They have had a transwoman as an active member, but she had to leave to relocate to a job elsewhere. She wasn't a part of the inner circle.

She was very nice, don't get me wrong, but I don't want stay a member and be never be initiated, ever. I want all the experience that I can have. And what's more, I want to belong. I thought that in Wicca, I could find a place where I belong. Gardnerians won't initiate me, and Dianic Covens want women-born-women. I had to fight and fight to get to where I am, to just be seen as female. What does almost every other female have to do, to be seen as female? Be born. They get the "my precious baby girl," the pretty dresses, and the treatment that boys their own age just don't get. I missed out on that. I missed out on grade school, middle school, high school, my 20's (party girl time!), and now I'm going to miss out on being initiated into a coven, when Wicca is supposedly the most accepting religion there is...??? I can't accept that. I don't want to just practice solitary, it's not enough. Maybe others like doing it and that's great to worship the way you truly enjoy, but I want more. I've missed out on almost EVERYTHING ELSE that's out there. I want to be included already.

The bad thing is that most covens aren't listed anywhere. I can't just email somebody about it, or look on their webpage to see their bylaws or anything. I've heard that Feri (or Faerie) Wicca accepts transfolk, and so does Reclaiming Wicca, but I can't find out if any covens following those traditions are out there. Maybe I will find a very understanding Dianic coven, there are quite a few here, but I can't find any instance of a Dianic coven with a transgender member. But then again, most covens aren't on the net at all. Sigh. I'll just have to be patient and hope for the best."

Like I said, maybe I'm making more out of this than I should. Or maybe I'm just neurotic. Or both. Here's a YouTube video for your perusal if you wish. It's someone protesting about transsexual women being discriminated against in regards to learning, or joining, the Dianic Wiccan tradition. She got on my good side, this one.  :)

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2010 in Review

A few recent blogs have featured a "year in review," so I figured I'd adopt the idea for myself. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all.














In January, our daughters had a sleepover, I experienced some breast growth due to progesterone meds, and Nikki broke a rib (ow!).

In February, we ate at Red Lobster, I started going to therapy at no charge, and we started thinking about moving to Arizona.

In March, I (sort of) completed my own Interactive Fiction game, I had a talk with my mother after a long absence, and I got very sick.

In April, we had our apartment in Arizona approved, and I colored my hair redder than ever before.

In May, I got my Phoenix tattoo, Skylar chopped her hair off with a pair of scissors, some of our animals passed away, we said goodbye to family, and we headed off to Arizona!

In June, we moved into our new apartment!

In July, I didn't blog at all since we were so busy with the kids, and fixing up the apartment.

In August, Nikki got a job, we met trans-kid Rachel (among other people), I got my Arizona driver license with no problem at all, and school started for the kids, and I got some exercise pulling a wagon six miles a day.

In September, we had to replace the wagon already!

In October, I got a green iguana, one of our rats gave birth unexpectedly, and my mother sent me an upsetting letter.

In November, Nikki and I celebrated our four-year anniversary, the Transgender Day of Remembrance saw it's twelfth year, and I got free shoes!

In December, we went geocaching for the first time, my breasts started to grow again (!), Sarah got a girlfriend (!!!), and we celebrated the holidays.

Here's looking ahead to 2011! I hope everyone has a fantastic year!

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Meet Fizban, My Green Iguana!

 A long time ago (i.e. the mid-90's), I had a green iguana named Merlin. After spending $450 to get a bladder stone removed (only a few months after I got him), he mysteriously died about two years later. I was heart broken. I always thought of getting another iguana, but I didn't want it to die as well.

Fast forward to today. My sweetie bought me a new one! In keeping with tradition, I named him after a wizard as well. Fizban is a character from the Dragonlance series of books. That Fizban is ancient beyond anyone's knowledge, but my Fizban is about two and a half months old. He's still quite nervous when I pick him up, but he no longer tries to get away unless someone else comes near or makes a sudden or loud noise (sigh... kids). He's adorable! He eats out of my hand and is always on the go when I take him out of his tank. He's growing quick! Every day he looks bigger, or I see more of those cool spikes where I hadn't seen them before.

When doing some research, I found out quite a few new things compared to what I had known in the mid-90's. I also found out why Merlin died. In addition to a basking lamp (which provides standard UVA rays like any common light bulb), iguanas need a bulb that emits UVB rays. These are both produced by the sun, and iguanas need both. UVB allows them to utilize the calcium in their diet. Without these rays, the calcium can build up into... drumroll now... calcium deposits within the body, such as bladder stones. When an iguana doesn't get enough calcium (or be able to use it), it gets... metabolic bone disease (MBD for short). I always noticed that Merlin's legs were held at an odd angle, and it had some toes that were just bent around the wrong way. Also, he didn't grow. After two years, I should've needed two hands to hold him, but he was barely bigger than Fizban is now in these pictures. Unfortunately, they didn't know that much about UVB at the time. I had a couple books on green iguanas, but they made no mention of it.

What does Fizban eat? What's best for him is certain leafy greens, such as collard greens, mustard greens, dandelion greens... as well as green beans, prickly pear cactus leaves, parsnips, snap peas, alfalfa, and different kinds of squash. He can also eat fruit. The vegetables are best, but he loves watermelon and mango! He eats those two fruits ravenously. It's pretty funny to watch.

I have him in a little tank right now (29 gallon) until the 55 gallon ones go on sale at Petco (for a dollar a gallon!). In no time at all, though, no conventional tank will be big enough for Fizban. See what he'll look like in three to five years:

Yes, they can grow from five to six feet long! Where to keep such a beast? Why, right here, in our mini-backyard of sorts:

Without the bike, of course! With the exception of the low fence dead ahead, it's pretty well enclosed. Fizban can roam loose in this area, but we need to make sure he stays in, and something like a bobcat stays out! We're going to buy some coated chain link fencing to go over those areas (hope the neighbors don't complain!).  Fence or mesh is good, to let in some natural sunlight (though that only happens in the morning), and it should be coated so he can't scratch himself on the fence if climbing or rubbing his nose on it. We'd remove the rocks, as he can scrape his belly on those sharp things. I want to borrow some large rocks and branches from Mother Nature for him to climb on. We'll still need a basking light and a UVB lamp out there, since the sun won't shine into the yard nearly enough for him.

The only thing is, once it starts getting under seventy degrees at night, we'll have to find alternate accommodations for him - probably in our room. This awesome iguana owner (female, natch) has a series of racks nailed into the wall at high levels. She has the lights hanging up there, and it's food bowls and such on the racks. The racks went all around the room, in a spiral fashion. Pretty cool idea!

Oh, one last thing: I know I've been calling Fizban a 'he,' and he's (did it again!) named after a male wizard. Well, it's impossible to tell what sex they are until they reach sexual maturity - about one a half years old. I call him... well, him, both because I don't want to be calling my adorable little lizard an 'it,' and because I thought Merlin was male. The man at the pet store told me he was a boy when I bought him - at 2 or 3 months old. Amateur. So I was used to calling him 'Merlin Boy,' 'Green Boy,' and such. It just comes natural now. Female iguanas are usually blessed with a calmer temperament (though both are easy-going if you train them right), but they tend to have health issues due to their egg-laying. Constipation, loss of protein, and other problems may occur. One can get them spayed at a veterinarian that knows what they're doing with reptiles.

Comments? Questions? Fire away! If you want to seek answers for yourself, try this website. There's a ton of iguana info here: http://www.greenigsociety.com

Fizban is awesome. I love my little one!

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