Anyway, watch this, and then go over to my YouTube channel and subscribe, leave a comment, what-have-you. Thanks!
Showing posts with label coming out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coming out. Show all posts
I Made a Vlog!
Anyway, watch this, and then go over to my YouTube channel and subscribe, leave a comment, what-have-you. Thanks!
Origins Revisited (Blast From the Past Entry)
I've included a bunch of pictures of me from 1997. These are the first pictures of Amy as you all know me, and they've never before been put on the net! The quality is not really there, but hey, it was `97.
Oh yes, my name is not really "Amethyst." I decided not to go with that name, as it was a bit outlandish and porn star-sounding. It is my favorite gem though. So here we go...
This introduction is just to bring everyone up to date on my life, particularly my "adventures into femininity." The only question I have now is, where do I start? When did the first manifestation of this feminine side take place?
One could say that maybe it was around the age of eight years old. My parents were repainting our rooms, and they asked what color we would want. My brother picked blue for his room, and I picked purple. (And I got my desire, but this wouldn't go much further, as you will soon see.) Or... if that was not it, then it was definitely somewhere between ten and twelve years old, when I found some little girls' clothes in bags in the guest room closet. They were meant for my sister when she got older, handed down by a neighbor. I was pretty skinny for my age, but of course I could barely fit into these things, as they were for a five or six-year-old. I ended up ripping some of them by just trying to put them on or take them off. Now I was scared at what I had done (plus not understanding why I had tried them on in the first place, not realizing why I liked putting on all the little dresses and skirts). Not knowing what to do at this point, I put all the ripped clothes back, and I acted shocked when asked if I knew anything about it. My mother seemed to think that it could've only been a certain neighborhood kid that would do this, who used to visit me or my brother. That is, until she found a button off of one of the outfits under my bed. That darn button started all the trouble by falling off and rolling under there while I tried on the clothes. I was found out, and when asked why I had damaged the clothes (putting them on was not yet the question yet), I lied and actually made myself look like some kind of psycho kid, by saying that I had ripped the clothes out of pent-up frustration from school.
Nothing much else happened until some time in high school. At this point, my mother's things started to fit me, and I started trying on her dresses, nightgowns, pantyhose, etc...and what happened next? I was either stupid, or subconsciously wanted to be discovered and understood for liking this so much. This was not to be the case. I was discovered by my mother, laying in my bed asleep, wearing one of her nightgowns and a pair of pantyhose. I had snuck them out of my mother's room and fell into such a blissful, happy sleep while wearing them. So, my mother was very upset, stammering with anger, and asking all sorts of questions, like, "Do you want to be a woman?" "Do you want our family to find out about this?" Of course, both of my answers were no, although I was too young at that point to realize that the answer to the first question would become a "yes" in the future. The conversation, such as it was, ended with an order to stop doing this so that I wouldn't bring shame onto the family.
But I have yet to hear of anyone crossdressing and just stopping. For me, it would go away for awhile and then come back. When I was 17, I had my first real girlfriend, Sandy. Somehow I managed to tell her about my love of women's clothes and makeup. She thought it was cool, but I don't think I ever let her see me with them on, I was way too shy. But she gave me some of her clothes, and even some makeup. Maybe my mother figured out that these were Sandy's clothes, because when going up to my room with Sandy (my father used to drive me to the train station to pick her up), we saw the clothes piled on my bed. Just her way of saying, "I know about this." But just imagine, if Sandy had not known, she would've found out about my crossdressing in this manner...!
Soon after that little situation, I had gotten a job and was able to buy things for myself. Alas, it was to be a waste of money, as I would buy things, hide them, my mother would throw them out, I would buy more things and find a new hiding place (always in my room), they would be found and thrown out, rinse and repeat. I even stuffed a bunch of clothes into an unused amplifier for my neglected guitar. Anyway, after about ten months, Sandy and I broke it off. We both just started liking other people, is all.
Enter college days. Somewhere after high school, I started wearing the spandex pants and shorts that were so popular during the `80's. I would wear women's or men's, I liked them all. It was probably because they hugged my legs like pantyhose would, that I liked them so much. I have always loved tight-fitting clothes regardless. My next girlfriend was Millie, and she seemed to almost have a love/hate thing going as far as my crossdressing went. Well, she was very hot and cold with me in general also. She thought something was psychologically wrong with me for doing it, yet she was also very interested in it, and she used to go to the library to read about it. Yet I suppose because she just wanted to make me happy, she gave me one of her wigs and a few makeup items (her clothes were way too big for me). She was a hairdresser, and always wore lots of makeup. I always wanted her to make my hair up in some pretty style (it had a little length to it at this time), or to put makeup on me, but she never went for it. Anyway, she really got angry when I confessed to her that I had gone out in public wearing women's clothes, for the first time. I wore the wig that she gave me (which was kind of poofy and out of control), some makeup (I tried to use powder to cover the shadow on my face, but it didn't really work), and one of my sister's dresses, black pantyhose and high heels (she was in her mid-teens at this point, and they fit me almost perfectly). I actually went down to the college which I was attending at the time, and sat in the lobby of the Student Center. It was very exciting, yet as a few students started to stare and point in my direction, I figured that it would be best if I left. I drove around for awhile, then went home, only to panic at seeing that my brother had come home in my absence! Here I am, wearing a wig, girl's clothes and makeup, stuck outside. I had no regular clothes to change into, and he could be home all day... and then my father would come home. So I had to go inside and sneak upstairs looking all pretty. That was at least 10 years ago and my heart is pounding in my chest right now just thinking about it! Well, I was lucky enough to get up into my room unseen. I didn't go out again for quite awhile. And oh yes, Millie wanted her wig back after that.
Awhile later, Millie "disappeared" on me. She just never seemed to be home and didn't return my calls. Whenever I came by the house, I was told she wasn't home, or I was just told to leave. I found out later that she had told her parents about my crossdressing, and they had ordered her not to see me again. Very soon after that, I met Vanessa. I told her pretty quickly about my crossdressing, and at first she seemed to be okay with it. At my request, she fixed my hair and put makeup on me, and we even made love that way. This was pretty unbelievable for me, like a dream come true, but I found out that at the time it had made her really upset. She has an attraction to both men and women, so she said it confused her. So while she accepted me dressing in women's clothes, she no longer wanted me to do it around her, or to go out in public like that as well. I did shave my legs once, during the winter when they would be covered up by pants, but she didn't like that very much.
Sometime during our relationship, I got a P.O. Box and ordered some things from Frederick's of Hollywood, most notably a new wig. A nice one this time, although it was a shade or two too light for me. I took some pictures of myself in the house and out in the backyard when nobody was home. The backyard scenes are the nicest, I still love them. That natural light just gave off such a soft look. [These are the pictures featured in this blog entry.] Also, I had decided to keep my clothes in a public storage locker, since my mother kept throwing them out. I had them in there for several months, and one day, upon going to retrieve some things from there, I found the locker broken into. The lock was broken right off of the door, and all of the clothes were gone! Who would steal a bunch of women's clothing? To this day, I wonder if my mother was behind it. I went down to the police department with Vanessa to file a report, but of course they weren't going to open a case on a few hundred dollars worth of clothes.
Next up came my "dirtbag attack," as I sometimes call it. I was feeling trapped in my relationship with Vanessa. I wanted to grow my hair long, wear my tight, skimpy clothes (men's clothing, but skimpy athletic wear mostly), get my ears pierced, etc... and all of these things she greatly disapproved of. She ended up having to go into a mental hospital for a month, and during that time, I met another patient there, by the name of Christina. I got a big crush on her, and ended up leaving Vanessa for Christina. Christina was 17 (almost 18) at the time, and learning disabled. So yes, I made a pretty messed-up decision. But my just desserts come later.
When I told Christina of my crossdressing, she was very upset, and she ended up telling her sister, Donna. I was very uncomfortable about this, but Donna said it was normal and all that. Somewhere along the line, she became very hurtful to Christina (Donna had mental problems also), and I had to pick up Christina from a sleepover at her house. She basically kicked Christina out when I got there. We ended up having to call the police, because she wouldn't let us get Christina's medicine and other items from her house. She then followed me to my car, even with the policeman there, screaming that I wore girl's dresses like a sissy boy, and I was a fag, etc... all at 9:00 in the morning! So all the neighbors came out, and a good time was had by all... except the two of us.
Sometime after this, I shaved my legs again, and also my stomach and chest. I loved the smooth, silky feeling. But Christina didn't like it too much, so I didn't repeat the torso shaving again, although I did shave my legs a few more times.
Anyway, it eventually turned out that Christina was more receptive me to me getting dressed up, and somewhere around this time, I came up with the name of Jessica. Whether she really didn't mind, or was just trying to please me, I'm still not sure. The end result of either was that she agreed to come out with me when I was dressed. We went out four times. I'll briefly sum it up. We went to Burger King, and some guy thought I was a gg. He said to his friend that I was hot (Christina heard it). We went to Sears and tried on dresses together in the women's fitting room. We went to the mall, and I actually fixed my makeup right in the busy women's bathroom! We went to Taco Bell, and the man behind the counter called us "ladies." We went to the library. We went to a park, and she took lots of photos of me. I had little or no trouble with anyone until what was to be our last outing. I was in Macy's, trying on some clothes in the women's fitting room. Upon exiting the fitting room, I was greeted by security. "You can't use the women's dressing room, you must go in the men's room." Embarassed as hell, I left the store and entered the mall. Some black guy in the mall yelled out, "That's a man!" I tried to ignore all this and still have a good time, but then when walking into JC Penny's, I passed by Vanessa's brother, Greg! He did look at me, but I wasn't sure if he recognized me at all. After all this, I decided this was enough, and I ended the day as it was. (I later found out that he did recognize me, and he was upset about it.) In short, this day ruined the desire to dress up for me. Eventually, I wanted to do it again, but Christina didn't want to join me anymore, and she didn't want me going out alone either. So that was that.
Christina got pregnant over the summer of 2000, and we got married in January, 2001. Our daughter, Brittany, was born in March, and we moved into a condominium in April. I was free to dress however I wanted in the privacy of our home, but going out was still a no-no. I tried to get all that I could out of it though. I was able to go out wearing lip gloss, girl's denim "short shorts" in the summer, and black stretchy bell-bottoms in the winter. I had my night job, and Christina got a day job at a child care facility. I almost forgot to mention that in Christina, I had found someone whose clothes fit me. In fact, she gained a lot of weight during her pregancy, so her old clothes were now too small for her. So I "inherited" a bunch of nice things. So that was a big plus. But then for some reason, Christina turned into a psycho. Not coming home from work and not calling, spending no time with me at all, always out somewhere, screaming her head off at me for no reason at all... Then she wanted me to stay at my parent's house for a week. I refused, scared that I wouldn't be welcomed back to my new home again. But a week or two later, after her screaming at me and insulting me in front of my friends, and me subsequently smashing my hand through a glass panel lamp, I ended up going back to my parent's house after all. And there I stayed.
But a good thing came out of all this. Not only did I come to be in a much more stable environment (though I missed my daughter very much), but I was also free to explore my feminine side. Mind you, I have to be careful to not let my parents or siblings find out, but now I have the car to myself, and the freedom to go where I want, and when I want. Once I got my computer back online, I did some searching on the internet, looking for some salons in the city that would do a makeover on me. What did I find, but a place on Long Island, just 40 minutes away! (http://www.femmefever.com/)
The rest is history. I decided to change my "femme name" to Amethyst, Amy for short. I did this not only to signify a new beginning, but also just in case my "soon-to-be-ex-wife" decides to search the internet for my old name, since she knows the full name that I used. And that brings me up to my first entry. It was a long journey, but I feel that it's only just beginning.
Here to save the day! It's...organized religion. Oh goody. (Blast From the Past Entry)
I have a lot more transgendered readers on this blog than I did on my old MySpace blog (where this post originally appeared). There are many of you who have heard words like Jim's at one point or another. Agnostic or not, I believe that religion should never become a means to judge or vilify others.
If you really want to get into this, there are plenty of links that Jim and I swapped back and forth. I've taken the liberty of identifying the links that don't work. I've also added a bunch of pics having to do with the religion vs. lgbt issue. This is quite long as it is, so I'll end the intro here. As always, comments are more than welcome.
Friday, June 01, 2007
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Current mood: devious
This is rather long, but I think that anyone living a life outside what the bible says, will get something out of this. This is a bunch of letters back and forth between a friend (former friend?) and I. If anybody does read the whole thing (or what the hell, even just some of it), please leave a comment. I would love to know what all of you think about this.
I'll be off the net from 2 PM today until Tuesday morning, so I'll approve any comments when I get back. I'm off to Michigan to sign the lease on an apartment, where I will be living like total blasphemous heathen scum. I'll be in NY for two more months, and then I'll be moving up there for good. Anyway, without further ado...
PS - My messages are in purple, whereas Jim's are in red. The red that stained the cross and... well, whatever.
Hey Jim,
Do you recognize me? If so, you'll be shocked shitless, I'm sure. If not, well I'll have to give you a hint. I do look a bit different in my photos. If you're not too freaked out to write back...then...write back. Ha ha!
- Amy
PS - I actually lived in East Massapequa for the month of January. Long story. I'll be moving to Michigan in about 3 months. Even longer story. I'll tell you next time I write (if I hear back from you). Until then...
Hi Amy!
Yes, I'm afraid you will have to give me a hint. I looked at your profile, and saw that you graduated Centereach High school the same year I did, so I know where you know me from. So I searched through all the photos in my high school yearbook for someone named Amy, and the only one I found was an Amy Levine, and you don't look anything like her.
Yes, please give me that hint. You have got me intrigued, now. I'm dying to know!
--Jim
Hi Jim,
Wow, you have no idea at all. Well, I'm not what you're expecting. I hope you won't be upset. From what you put on your profile, you seem to be not too tolerant of people like me. Please remember that I was always your friend.
I'm torn over whether to give you a hint, or just tell you. Okay, we played D&D together a few years back, and I had shorter hair. Most people were not calling me Amy at the time, though I was already in the process of getting to the point I'm at now. That should do it. If you're still not sure, I'll just tell you.
I'm moving to Michigan in 2 or 3 months, with my girlfriend. She's running from an abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband. She just drove up there & is in the process of getting a teaching position and an apartment for us. I'm saving up some money & getting things squared away before I go up there myself. I could tell you more, if you care to know at this point.
I apologize if I've freaked you out. This is just the real me. I hope to hear back from you.
- Amy
Hello (male name deleted)!
Yes, I know who you are now. After I sent you my reply last night, I perused your photos first. After looking at your facial features, I thought to myself "No way! It couldn't be!" Then I read your profile, and much of what I know about you was right there in your profile. Slowly but surely the realization fell upon me like an anvil from the top of the Sears Tower. And your reply confirmed it for me.
Honestly, to say that I am freaked out is the understatement of the year. In all the years I've known you, I had NO clue that you had such leanings. Even looking back, I cannot see anything that indicated that you wanted to live such a life. I never in a million years thought for one second that someone like you (Slayer fan, horror movie fan, death metal fan, etc) would ever turn this way. You were so right--I am completely shocked! (Can you blame me?)
Let me say though that I hold no hate or animosity towards you. I am in fact tolerant of people like yourself--but I also strongly disagree with such a lifestyle. What is it about being a man that you have come to despise? You are still a man, you know! And there is NOTHING wrong with being a man. It is who you are, dude!
As you can well imagine, I have quite a few questions for you, so here we go:
Did you get hit on your head with a sledgehammer? Who or what told you to stop being a man? Who or what inspired you to choose this way of living?
How long have you felt this way? Have you felt this way since high school, or was this more recent?
I have to ask this--are you pre-op, or post-op? Did you have "it" cut off? If not, are you planning on it, as well as having anything else (breast implants, estrogen shots, etc) done to you?
Does your family know about your lifestyle choice? If so, how do they feel about it?
I'm sure you don't care what your ex thinks, but what about your daughter? Have you considered how confusing this will be for her?
How long have you been living this way? When did you first become "Amy?"
Do all of your legal documents (Driver's license, Social Security Card, etc) have your new name?
Do you also have a different last name, or is it still (last name deleted)?
Is your girlfriend a woman--a REAL woman, I mean?
Since you're attracted to women (real women, I assume) anyway, why not just embrace your manhood and just be a man?
That's all I can think of right now. If I have any more questions, I'll certainly ask you. And again, I hold no hate towards you, even though I strongly disagree with what you're doing. But understand something:
1. It's going to take me awhile to get over this shock of the year.
2. You will always be (male name deleted) to me--and that is how I will always refer to you.
Please feel free to tell me more.
--Jim
Hey Jim,
From all the questions you've asked (darn, and none of them are multiple choice!), I predict this will be a long letter. (LOL)
No, I don't blame you for being shocked. In some ways, I do embrace things that are considered to be predominantly male: D&D, horror movies, death metal. But then again, plenty of females like those things as well. I had to hide my liking of anything that would be considered female. I had a hard enough time in school as it was! I fooled you and everyone else into thinking I was male in every aspect. Hey, I even fooled myself.
This may come as more of a shock to you, but I am male only in my physical aspect. My mind and soul have always been female. Estrogen was applied to my brain as a fetus, and testosterone to my body. They're supposed to match, and my mom being under a lot of stress at the time (my dad just came back from Nam), probably had to do with this birth defect. You can't change the gender in your brain, you can only alter the body to match it. Believe me, it took a long time and a lot of hardship for me to come to terms with who I really am. I only fit into the male role by copying what other males did. It was just never a part of me.
I know there's nothing wrong with being a man. There's nothing "wrong" with being either sex. I'm just female inside. And inside is where it counts. Our bodies are just shells. I got the wrong shell. Nobody and nothing told me to "stop being a man." I just eventually came to the conclusion that I'm not one. As far as "choosing this way of living," this is not a choice that I have. Well, maybe it is, if you consider it a choice to be happy. I would be miserable if I stayed the way I was. So there's not much of a choice there. Hey, I don't want to be transgendered. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! (Well, okay, mayyyybe I would, hehe)
I always felt that something was off. I wanted to do things that a young girl might, and was told no. Children don't question in the same way we do, so I was programmed what to do, and what not to do, in order for people to not have a problem with me. From high school on, I thought I was a crossdresser. It was only back in 2002, when I separated from Christina... that I finally focused on me and began to read up on transsexuals. I thought they were all like what you see on Jerry Springer or Rocky Horror. I was surprised to find that the vast majority of us live normal lives... in the role that we were always meant to be in, the role that matches the gender inside us.
I am pre-op, and yes, planning on surgery. I've never had shots (hate `em!), but I take pills of estrogen, and a testosterone blocker. I've been taking those for almost 4 years now. I have had laser hair removal on my face, and then followed up with Electrolysis. I still have some hair there, but the shadow is gone.
Men usually have a harder time than women, in understanding transgendered folk like myself. "Why would a man want to cut THAT off???" Well, just picture a girl with that there. Hey, that girl doesn't want that there, right? Don't look at it from a male perspective. I don't.
My family isn't too thrilled, and not all of them know. I do my best to get them to come around, but it's an uphill battle all the way.
Right now, there's nothing confusing about this to Brittany. Kids are very accepting at her age. I'm sure she'll have questions and concerns in a few years. Right now, the last thing she said about it was, "Okay, you're my daddy, being Amy." Then she kissed me goodnight. But I know she'll have a problem with it later. All I can do is explain it to her as best as I can, and reassure her that I'll never stop loving her, and I'll never leave her.
I came out to my friends first. I moved in with a friend back in 2004, so I was living as a woman at home and with my friends. At work or around my family, I tried to hide it. Now I've come out to my part-time job. They all got memos and they call me Amy now. They get the pronouns right about half the time. I was about to start the process with my full-time job, but now with me moving in a few months, I can't justify putting them through all the work, telling everyone and changing everything to "Amy."
I will be starting the name change process in a few weeks. I need $210 for the index number from court. I hear it takes about a month to process. Then I'll go to the DMV and get a license with the new name. They'll even change the "M" to an "F." I'm changing my last name, since my mother doesn't want it to be linked back to the family. Also, I recently found out that I do have a distant cousin named Amy, with the same last name as me.
My girlfriend is a born woman. She's Irish, German and Cherokee Indian. And beautiful! :D She's probably the only one who understands me for who I really am.
Don't get sexual preference confused with gender. All human beings have 3 separate aspects: physical sex, gender, and sexual preference. The first two almost always agree. Lucky me is one exception to that. The last is usually for the opposite sex, but not always. Observe:
Jim
---
Sex - Male
Gender - Male
Sexual Preference - Female
And then there's me:
Amy
---
Sex - Male
Gender - Female
Sexual Preference - Female
As far as how you refer to me, please respect the fact of how I wish to be addressed. If you simply can't write "Hi Amy" at the beginning of a message, for example, then just go "Hi there" or something. I understand that is how you know me and still see me. But I don't want to be addressed as (male name deleted) anymore. That's why I'm changing my name, after all. Making a mistake and forgetting is fine, but deliberately disregarding how I wish to be called is another thing entirely.
Yup, my prediction was right. This is one long-ass email. How are you doing, by the way? What's new with you? I hope you have a good night. I'm off to snooze-land now.
- Amy
Hey!
I read your message with great interest. And I want to respond to the things you said.
You say that your mind and soul has always been female. I have never seen that expressed in you in any way, shape, or form. I don't mean that you didn't talk with a lisp, or talk like a black woman, or say the word "fabulous" a lot. I have always identified your inner person as a guy. I talk to girls and I talk to guys, and your inner person did not come across as feminine in any way to me. Perhaps it was because you were putting on an act, but it didn't seem that way to me.
You say that you fit the male role by copying what other males did. Well, what guy doesn't! That's how guys learn to become guys. The same way girls learn to act like girls is by seeing what other girls did. It's how we learn to identify with our sex. Now you may have felt like you didn't measure up as a man. It's not unusual to feel that way. I've felt that way many times myself. It's kind of like Catherine Zeta Jones feeling like she is an ugly toad, even though others look at her and think she is incredibly beautiful. So I would ask you, what exactly makes you think you're not a man? You told me about estrogen going to your brain and not to your body. Do you have any medical documentation on this?
You say that you wanted to do things a young girl might want to do. Like what kind of things? When I was little, I played with my sister's dolls, and even played Barbie with her (not all the time, though--I still liked boys' toys). Yet, in spite of that, I didn't feel like less of a boy. I suppose I was curious about them. Mind you, I didn't do it anymore from age 9 onwards. That was when I discovered electronic games and Star Wars action figures--and of course Atari.
You say that you don't want to be trandgendered. Well good news--you don't have to be. More on that later.
I am aware of the difference between sexual preference and gender. I studied that sort of thing in college. I remember when I was in the city, I saw the "12 tribes guys," (the black guys who claim to be the real jews and preach hatred towards white people--they dress like Old Testament Israelis. Maybe you've seen them.) and I actually heard one of them say that whire people are all homosexual by nature. I remember thinking to myself, "Well if that's true, then I guess I'm a male lesbian." LOL!
I should also tell you that even after the surgery, you will not truly have a woman's body. Although you may have the appearance of a woman's body, it will not truly be one. All you will really have is a man's mutilated and hormonally altered body. A woman's body also consists of ovaries, a uterus, and mammary glands, and you won't be getting any of those. Your "vagina" will not function as a real one does (e.g. get wet on its own during arousal). You will not menstruate like a woman (some may call that a good thing! LOL!). You certainly won't ever get pregnant. Your breasts certainly won't be real. Think of it like a white man painting his skin black to look like a black man. He still won't have the other facial features or physical characteristics that a black man has, so he will still stand out.
Please understand that I tell you these things as a friend, not to put you down. I also want you to check out this article by a man named Sy Rogers. He also has a DVD that I would encourage you to check out. Here are the links to his article and the DVD:
Article:
http://www.lastdaysministries.org/articles/themaninthemirror.html (broken link)
DVD:
http://exodusbooks.org/Books/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=38
Check this out as well, just as a matter of interest:
http://www.becomingreal.org/articles/dev2.htm (redirects to another site)
I hope you will check them out, and consider them. Please read the articles, and if you can, order the DVD. I know you are an agnostic, but keep an open mind and check them out--especially the article by Sy Rogers and his DVD. He was a pre-op transgender, so I am certain you will relate to much of what he writes.
Let me know your thoughts. I'm praying for you.
--Jim
Hi Jim,
There is no need to pray for me. I am just fine. Of course you never saw me express myself in a feminine way. I never expressed myself as female in front of any men, and most women as well. I was indeed "putting on an act." I became very good at it. I had to. In fact, sometimes I found myself talking the way you do. I would use words that you do, and speak with a similar accent and intonation. It was very subtle, and I only noticed this about myself when listening to tapes of my radio show. Throughout the show, I would start to sound just a bit more like my guests (friends) that I had with me: Chris, Eric (he was from the midwest, and I started to talk with his accent without realizing it!), and Jim (it was another Jim who came to my show). After hearing the way I sounded, I became more aware of it. I tried to stop it, and I eventually did. It's hard to quit a habit that you perform subconsciously. I was copying off of males, in order to be accepted and safe.
Only those that I was extremely close with (girlfriends) saw the real me. Even then, it was hard for them to realize and understand. Because I was raised as male, I was convinced for about 30 years that I was one. It takes a long time to break out of the programming that society puts you through (though of course it isn't their fault, I looked and sounded like any male would... it was only my actions and personality that differed).
I never felt truly male. It isn't just that I'm not living up to the expectations put on males... I am not male inside. I never felt comfortable with being male. I copied things that males did, but I never felt it inside. It just wasn't me. You said: "It's how we learn to identify with our sex." I copied off of males, but I never identified. Never. I was doing what I had to, in order to avoid getting the crap beat out of me every day.
Yes, I played with dolls and hung out with the girls crowd in grade school. I can count on one hand the number of times in my life that I have peed standing up. I have no interest in cars, and the only sports I might watch are gymnastics and ice skating. I always seemed to understand and empathize with women when men just couldn't. I have always been shy and quiet, because I never felt right in a male's life. From 10 years old or earlier, I was interested in women's clothing and makeup. I had no male idols, rather females were who I chose to idolize. I could go on and on. It isn't just one of these things that are telling of my condition, but rather all of them combined. I should have been born with a female's body. In fact, perhaps I almost did.
My legs and behind have always been very feminine. I have heard this from every girl I have been with. I'm 5'5" and have a small build. I think I would have been born female, but something went wrong along the way. Somehow testosterone got thrown into the mix and my pre-birth development went awry.
I don't have any medical documentation. It is a theory that is widely supported, backed by my own beliefs and the knowledge of who and what I am. Religion is based on belief. You don't believe in God because there is documentation of God. You just know it to be true. I know myself, and I know what is true within me. I don't have to prove myself to anybody. There's no need to. I know who I am, and what I want out of life. I am much happier and much more at ease with my role in society. This is a good thing for me. People I don't know see me as female. It's hard for me to blend in as a male now (nor would I want to anyway). I do very well out there. I can be wearing just a t-shirt and jeans, and have no makeup on, and be called "ma'am" or "miss."
I used to be very apathetic towards my appearance. I never felt bad about myself, but I just didn't care. I was out of sorts all my life. Now since I have found the real me, I have lightened my birthmark and fixed a protruding incisor (I called it my "fang" and I had it since my pre-teen years). I drink 64 ounces of water a day. I take vitamins every day. I take care of my skin, hair, and health. I went back to school (this was back when we dissolved the D&D group), and set myself up with a career.
You say my breasts won't be real. I already have them, and they are real. Yes, they are shaped like any woman's breasts would be. They are b-cup size, and I don't stuff with tissues or wear padded bras. They are somewhat larger now than what you see in the photos on my Myspace profile. Not having ovaries or menstrual cycles is fine with me. I don't want any more childen, and I'm never going to complain that I don't get a period. Many women are not capable of bearing children. Many have to have their reproductive organs removed because of cancer or some other illness. They are still women. Oh, and I'm altering my body, not mutilating it. Also, there is a surgeon who has recently found a way to make the vagina "wet."
I will always be transgendered. Even if I decided to forget all this and go back to a male role in society (not happening, by the way), I would still be transgendered. Transsexualism isn't a way of life or the manifestation of the decision to live in a different gender role... it is a bonafide medical condition. And yes, that much is documented. The cause is theoretical, but the diagnosis is real.
The BSTc region of the hypothalmus is bigger for females than for males. They have performed studies of the brains of transsexuals (after death, of course). Their BSTc regions are identical to those of females. What is not known, is if their brains are always this way... or changed due to so many years of hormone therapy. It's very hard to find a transsexual who has both never been on hormones and is deceased.
I couldn't relate to the Sy Rogers article. He speaks of being molested, his mother's alchoholism and her death. I went through none of these ordeals. I was brought up in a stable, yet strict, environment. I also never had any homosexual ideations. I always had a wish to be female, from an early age. Sy Rogers didn't wish for it until dropping out of college after two semesters. I don't get the "chromosome tests" that he mentions. Of course, testing the chromosomes of a biological male would only prove that he is... biologically male.
The other article pertains to homosexuals only. While I do consider myself a homosexual (for liking women while also being a woman inside), I don't think that is in the same way you look at it. In short, I'm not attracted to men.
I thank you for the debate. It has sparked my reasoning, and I am glad to express my point of view. However, I don't need saving. I'm doing just fine the way I am. In fact, I have never been better.
- Amy :)
Hi!
Hmmmm---you give a lot of interesting retorts.
Well, I am glad that you checked out the articles I sent you. It shows that you have an open mind.
Do something else though--contact someone at the following websites, and tell them everything you told me. I'd be interested in knowing how they respond.
http://exodus.to/component/option,com_frontpage/Itemid,1/
and especially check out this one, and contact them:
http://www.realityresources.com/ (broken link)
This is a link to a book written on the subject:
http://www.realityresources.com/towardwoman.htm (broken link)
I realize that you are admanant on what you want to do. But check it out anyway, and contact the two organizations, and tell them everything you told me. See what happens. Couldn't hurt!
Oh, I forgot to ask you--how did you find my MySpace page?
Hi Jim,
Sorry, but you're more interested than I am in hearing what they would have to say. You would have to be, since I'm not interested at all. What would be my motive for contacting them? If you want to hear what they would have to say, cut and paste my messages into an email to them. You could say, "My friend wrote all this, what do you think?" If they write back, feel free to send me the response. It's just that you have the motivation to do this, and I don't.
I found your Myspace page by doing a search for your name. I had no intention of contacting you until I decided to. I don't want to think that I deliberately set out to shock or upset you by contacting you.
Anyway, enough about me. How have you been? Are you working? Going to school? I see you live in Massapequa Park. How did you end up there? I hope everything is going well for you. :)
Take care and talk to you soon...
- Amy
Hi!
I just thought maybe you might be interested in reading about those who were in your situation--especially the second link (reality resources) I sent you.
Okay, how about just checking them out? You don't have to contact them if you don't want to--but why not just peruse the info? The gentleman in Reality Resources has been where you are. He even posted pics of himself when he was a transgender. You may find the info quite intriguing.
I've lived in Massapequa Park since August 2002. I answered an ad for a studio apartment, and I got it. I'm currently working at a Dave & Buster's as a server. But I am trying to seek a better career for myself.
Anyway, take care! And as I said, at least check out the websites I sent you, and see what it's all about.
--Jim
Hi Jim,
The reality resources links do not work. Give it a try and you'll see what I mean. It looks like the page was removed. I couldn't find transgendered folk mentioned in the other website you gave me a link to, that exodus thing. If you have better links, I'll check them out.
I'm sending you a friend request. I'll understand if you don't wish to accept it. If you want, I'll add you to my preferred list for my blogs, in case you want to read them (the private ones have to do with the transgendered issue). I'm going to be posting a letter I sent out to fellow employees a few weeks ago. Yes, they call me Amy now at work, and they actually get the pronouns right half the time.
Take care and have a nice day today. :)
- Amy
Hi!
Okay, I checked it out. Apparently, the Reality Resources webpage is undergoing a facelift. So check it out now and then to see if it's up.
Meanwhile, here are a couple of more links, the second one has an interview with Jerry Leach, a former transgender. Check them out.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=17438
In this link below, go to where it says "Transgender Confusion" for the interview with Jerry Leach. It's in two parts.
http://masteringlife.gospelcom.net/page.php?load=int (broken link)
Tell me what you think. Must get to work, now.
Jim
After this were a few messages passed back & forth between Nicky & Jim. I don't have those messages anymore, but he was saying the same thing he does in his messages above (he's praying for her too). Nicky was defending me & saying that she just sees me as a woman.
Hi Jim,
I forwarded your message on to Nicky. She wrote that message after I let her read the letters we have been sending back and forth (I hope you don't mind). Without realizing she was still on my profile, she wrote to you. I'm sorry she was a little descriptive there. She's protective of me, and often pretty blunt.
Nicky has not corrupted or manipulated me in any way, shape or form. She understands that my inner self is at odds with my physical body, and she loves me for who I am inside. She supports me 100%. She had nothing to do with my decision or the realization of who and what I am. I started hormones in July 2003, and our 6-month anniversary is tomorrow. I was in a brief relationship with another woman last fall, who also considered me as female.
You're making a whole lot of assumptions regarding Nicky (as well as me). She knows that not all men are abusive. She just isn't attracted to them. Similar to myself, it took a lot of soul-searching for her to reach that point.
One does not choose to be transgendered. It's a medical condition. If I chose to live in the same role as that of my physical sex, then I would still be transgendered. I just wouldn't be doing anything about it.
Please try to keep an open mind, and realize that I know more about transsexualism than yourself. Listen to what I say, and know that I speak with the wisdom of having gone through this personally.
Let me ask you something: What if God meant me to be transsexual? What if I was meant to go through this journey, for some purpose higher than myself? "The lord works in mysterious ways," after all.
I have yet to look over your latest links, but I will. Here are a few links of my own to give you.
Here's an article on a transsexual priest:
http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/content/news_syndication/article_050926trans.shtml
Here's an article on a transsexual vicar:
http://www.pfc.org.uk/node/720
Here's an article on the bible and what little of it could be thought to pertain to transsexuality:
http://www.drbecky.com/lynnmont.html
Here's another article:
http://www.whosoever.org/v2Issue2/starchild.html
Please read with an open mind. Try to realize that there is a lot more out there than you have experienced personally. I'll talk to you soon. :)
- Amy
Hello!
Okay, I checked out the links you sent me, as well as a couple of others that are pro-transgender.
My response to the articles on biblical references to transgender, they take the passages from the Bible, and twist it around to mean something else. For instance, a eunuch is not a transgender--he is still a man who simply lost the means to have sex with a woman--but they are still men. And the bit where it says that "there is no male or female, because Christ is in all" that only means that God does not hold men over women, or women over men.
The secular links I have checked out--even those that are pro-transgender--have stated that gender dysphoria is self diagnosed, and that there are no physical characteristics for it, and no test for the condition. I've read the theory that testosterone did not go to the brain, but that is just a theory, and one that does not make any sense. The body is a universe, and connected to one another. How is it possible for testosterone to not reach the brain, but reach everywhere else? Also, it is acknowledged that there is no physical cause for GID or gender dysphoria. So how can it be a medical condition if there is no physical evidence to attest to that?
I have a few more links for you to check out--and I hope you will:
About Gender Dysphoria:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+gender+dysphoria.htm#causes (redirects to another page)
You asked me what if God meant for you to be transgendered. I think these links will show you that although He may be allowing you to go down that route by your own free will, it is not His will for you to live that life:
http://www.gotquestions.org/sex-change.html
http://www.bible-infonet.org/ff/editorials/homosexual/107_12_02.htm (broken link)
And especially read this:
http://www.exodusyouth.net/youth/fluid.html#TF (broken link)
I must go to bed, now. As soon as I find more info, I will send them to you. And you are welcome to send me any info you think I should read.
Praying for you,
--Jim
Hello!
I'm sorry for the late response. It took me quite awhile to get to reading all those links. What I have to say, is basically, everyone has opinions. Everyone has opinions on what the bible means, and they very often do not match. Everyone has different opinions on people like me, and they don't all agree. I have to do what I believe. I have to follow the calling of my heart and my soul.
As far as Jerry Leach (yes, I read the whole interview), here is a transsexual who has decided not to align his (I use that pronoun because that is how he sees himself) soul & mind with his body. He suppresses his need to be female in various ways. His faith is important to him. I understand that. There's nothing wrong with the way he is leading his life. It's his to live. But he is not me. His opinions and beliefs do not follow my own. That's perfectly fine in my mind that he helps others in coping with their transsexuality in ways other than transitioning to match the gender within themselves. Many will go back to their old ways. That's okay too. It's all up to the individual and what they want. Everybody is different.
As far as the link about gender dysphoria, most of what is written in there is true, and most of it pertains to me.
As far as that "What does the bible say about getting a sex change." Sigh. I wrote this...
"What if God meant me to be transsexual?"
Then you wrote:
"You asked me what if God meant for you to be transgendered. I think these links will show you that although He may be allowing you to go down that route by your own free will, it is not His will for you to live that life."
They are writing this:
"To say that a sex change is okay is to say that when God created an individual that God made a mistake."
I never said he's making a mistake. Maybe this is his will that I (and others like me) go through this ordeal. Maybe we're meant to learn from it. Who can question or determine the will of God? Well, that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to state what God wants. That's not our purpose, now is it? I am not saying that is true, I'm just wondering. So many people go about saying, "God wants this, God wills you to do that." It's not for us mortals to say.
The rest of that little editorial talks about homosexuality. They say that if you are physically male and have a sex change, then you're still male... so if you're with a man, then you're a homosexual. This doesn't pertain to me, since I'm with a woman. According to the bible, I'm still in a heterosexual relationship. LOL! It's gets better. This quote:
"A woman must not wear men's clothing, and a man must not wear women's clothing. The Lord your God detests people who do this" (Deuteronomy 22:5)."
Right after that, they have a law that you must have a railing around your roof. Who does that nowadays? And you can't have one crop growing in the same field with another crop. Huh? Besides... I'm a female inside, so therefore I must stop wearing the clothes of a male. I'm defying Deuteronomy 22:5 if I keep wearing male clothes. My soul is female. And God knows, your soul is very important.
That link for bible-infonet.com is in regards to homosexuality. According to the bible, I am male no matter what, so since I'm in a monogamous relationship with a woman... I am not homosexual. According to the bible anyway. So I skipped reading that. Next!
As far as the last link, that's his opinion, one of many out there in the world. He has a right to his own opinion. I have a right to disagree with it.
I know that for some reason, you think that all this reading and research is going to change the way I am, and what I want to do with my life. It won't. I did all the research I needed back in 2001/2002. I still do read up from time to time. But the thing is, since that point, I have never ever gotten even close to changing my mind. I know who I am. I've found myself, and that's a wonderful thing. I will be much happier and have a more fulfilled life in a few months (name change, living 24/7 as a woman and moving to Michigan). I'll be okay.
The thing with religious folks is that they often have such closed minds. The bible doesn't speak of transsexuality or sex changes. The surgery didn't exist back then, and transsexuality wasn't known or understood. There is no passage in the bible that relates to transsexuality. This is new. Throwing about God's word or what you think to be God's word isn't going to do anything as far as convincing me I'm on the wrong path. I am agnostic, after all.
- Amy
Hey!
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I had a stomach bug all week. But I'm ok now.
You seem very bent on doing this.
But to respond to what you said:
"I never said he's making a mistake. Maybe this is his will that I (and others like me) go through this ordeal. Maybe we're meant to learn from it. Who can question or determine the will of God? Well, that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to state what God wants. That's not our purpose, now is it? I am not saying that is true, I'm just wondering. So many people go about saying, "God wants this, God wills you to do that." It's not for us mortals to say."
You can determine God's will by 1) reading His Word--the Bible, and 2) having a relationship with Him. Now you're right in saying that I cannot determine what God wants for your life. But you cannot know what God wants for your life if you do not have a relationship with Him. Also, He is not the author of confusion. He would not be so cruel as to gave you a man's body and then tell you that you're a woman trapped in a man's body. Although He may be willing to have you learn from it, I do not believe for one moment that He wants you to alter your body to look like a woman's body (and I stated before, it won't truly be a woman's body). Since by your own admission you are agnostic, you cannot know God's will for your life, since you have no relationship with Him. But you can have one. If you want to know how, I will be glad to tell you.
A question for you--what happens if you have the surgery done, you've gone through with the whole thing, and you find that you're not as fulfilled as you thought you would be. You find that your life is not what you thought it would be. You realize that you made a mistake. But the surgery is irreverseable. You may deeply regret it! Have you thought about that?
One last thought--you say that religious people are often closed-minded. Are you sure you're not being closed-minded as well? Think about it.
Hey Jim,
I already am fulfilled. By moving in this direction, I have become so much more happy in my life. The normal day-to-day things hold new meaning and joy for me. The closer I get to my goal, the happier I become. People tend to think that it's "all about the surgery." It is important, but what is even more important is my role in society and life. Not many people will see what's between my legs. Changing my name and shedding the male role will be the biggest change for me. I'm already half-way there.
I do know that my body will still have some differences from that of the typical female. There's no need to keep bringing that up. I make do with what I have, and what I have is quite a lot. :)
Of course I have thought of the surgery quite often. I'm not one to blindly rush into anything. I think everything through over and over again, and then I think it through again. One has to be absolutely sure of what they are doing. And I have been for years now.
Yes, I know what I want. That's not being closed-minded. In fact, I am more open-minded than I ever have been. It's been over 5 years since I discovered the real me, and there is no doubt in my mind the path that I want to travel. I do see how others can have problems with understanding what I am doing and why. Nevertheless, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I have learned so much from what I am going through. I feel that I have really gained a great insight on gender and our roles in society. I have experienced life in both a male and a female role. Not just an isolated experience here and there, but life! Work, play, family, relationships, friends, strangers, and everyone in-between. There are so many things that I can relate to on a different level now. I have directly experienced how it is to be a man (or... just look like one, heh!) and how it is to be a woman. It's quite a profound and eye-opening experience.
American Indians have called some members of their tribe, "berdache." These people are of a "third gender." The Indians felt that these tribe members had great wisdom, and they often held important roles in their society. I'm not saying that I am a berdache, as it refers to someone with both a female and a male spirit... I have only one spirit in me, which is female. I'm just trying to show that other beliefs can have value as well. Your faith is playing a large role in keeping you from seeing the truth about me. Of course, you will never believe that. I'm sure you would have troubles even without the religion, but you are unable to see past the bible (which doesn't address transexuality anyway).
- Amy
Jim never approved my friend request. I found this whole tirade to be challenging and interesting. My responses gave me an "uplifted" feeling. Not towards Heaven, but rather a more personal nirvana, if you will. I think I did a good job making my point(s). Though after awhile it did get rather tiring. I suppose more tiring to Jim, or he just got stumped by my reply. That last message from me was sent on May 20th. Jim has yet to write back...
Scars of the Crucifix
By Deicide
Release date: 24 February, 2004
Pink Eye and Post-Holiday Thoughts
Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I know, I've barely touched my blog for quite some time. I had pink eye for almost two weeks (Yes, two weeks! Unheard of!), and the flu accompanied it for a week. I spent my Christmas shivering and weak, with my eyes watering constantly. It was like trying to see underwater, that's how bad it was. I've had pink eye at least twice before, but it's never been that bad or lasted that long.I went to the doctor on December 23rd, and saw Dr. Singleton, not my usual doctor. She prescribed these drops that stung when I put them in. I put them in every two or three hours, and used just about the entire bottle before seeing my primary physician, Dr. Butler. I showed him the medicine I was prescribed, and he chucked it into the garbage can. He gave me an ointment that made my eyes all blurry, but after four or five days of that, the infection was gone. It's called Erythromycin Ophthalmic Ointment, and my doctor told me that it would stay in my eye for several hours, rather than just 10 minutes like the drops.
Until then, my eyes would water whenever I looked at the computer screen or the TV. I was barely online at all. I did go on Facebook for a few minutes a day, but often it would result in my eyes getting all irritated for the next few hours.
This is why my lapse in blogs, comments, emails, etc. I humbly apologize.
As far as Christmas, it went well otherwise. The kids had a LOT more presents than last year. I'm not sure how that happened, but they sure didn't mind. I mentioned in a previous post that I had sent Christmas cards with family photos out to my family, all of which (besides my grandmother) had never seen me with this hair, make-up, etc. Here's the photo:
I heard nothing back from my parents, brother, sister, or anyone on my mother's side of the family. My uncle (my dad's brother) and his wife did send a card, but wrote nothing inside other than, "Dear Amy and family." I was told by my grandmother that the two of them had no problem with me, but it was nice to get a card from them anyway.
New Years Eve was fine. Nikki and I aren't much for going out and getting liquored up and partying, so we stayed home and watched the remake of Star Trek. It was very clever how they respected the old fans while reinventing the entire cast. Afterwards, I switched the channel and caught the last three seconds (really!) of the ball falling. 3...2...1... Kissi for Nikki! ;)
Those are all my thoughts for now. I hope to keep on top of this blog again, though I found myself struggling to begin writing this entry. Once I get started, however, I'm usually fine. I often get seasonal depression in the winter, and there are other stressors as well. I'm fighting it though, and trying to do things that I enjoy and maintain a positive mode of thinking. I haven't gone too far past the "blah" stage so far. So far, so good.
I was going to send a couple people out there ecards for the holidays. Because of my illnesses, I never got to do that. I'm sorry, but I'll wish them (and anyone else reading this) a safe and Happy New Year! :)
Letter to Fellow Employees (Blast From the Past Entry)
This was such a big step for me. After coming out to my part-time job, I did the same with my full-time employer. The funny thing is, I was living male at my parents' house, and working as female. I had to go to a deserted parking lot every morning to get changed. I didn't want to go to work and then get changed. That would've been kind of odd. I would have to go to Michigan to have my cake and eat it too. That would be three months after this blog entry. Enjoy. :)Friday, May 11, 2007
---------------------
Current mood: content
Some of you may not know this, but I came out to my part-time job about a month ago! I apologize to those that haven't known. I know I've been out of touch with some of you. My life has been so crazy lately. A lot of good things are on the way though.
I wrote a letter for all employees. I had to make copies and stuff them into envelopes. Writing via email wouldn't have worked, since not everyone has a company email. I wanted to have them attached to people's paychecks (hey, everyone gets paid, right?), but human resources said that would be a bad idea. Since it was me who wrote this letter and not the company, it would be better if I distributed it myself.
The reponse from my fellow employees was very supportive. I'm very happy about it, and glad that I came out. I only know of one person who doesn't agree with what I'm doing, but she never liked me anyway, so who cares. :P
My username in the system has been changed to Amy, and so has my time card. I can go to work appearing the way I want to now, although my mother has forbade me to leave the house in anything remotely feminine. That makes things... ehhh, interesting. In short, I feel very fulfilled, happy, and I have a sense of wholeness also. It's so wonderful to just be me!
Anyway, here's the letter:
Dear Fellow Employees,
I'm writing this letter to inform you of an important change that's currently taking place in my life. It's not easy to explain, but I'm going to try. I hope that no matter what your reaction is, you'll take the time to read this letter entirely.
I was born into the wrong body. My physical sex does not match my mental gender. In other words, I'm transsexual. It's something that took me years to understand and accept. I'm in the process of changing my body to match the gender that I am inside: female. This is the only way I'll be comfortable in my body and in my role in society.
I have been coming to terms with this for most of my life, so I don't expect this to be easy for other people to understand. I'm not even certain it is possible for a 'normal' person to understand what I am doing. I was not a 'normal man'. I will never be a 'normal woman'. I am now, and always have been, a transsexual woman. Until sometime last year I always tried to hide this fundamental fact about myself. I'm not hiding it anymore. That is the real change in me.
I'm not a transvestite or cross-dresser. I'm not a gay male. (Not that there is anything wrong with being either of those, but I'm not.) I am in a long-term monogamous relationship and that is not going to change. Being transsexual is not a choice. The only known remedy is to physically change gender. It's an unusual medical condition, but it's more common than most people think. Chances are, you've already met other transsexual people without even knowing it.
For over a year now, I've been living two lives. Here at (company name deleted), I'm known as (male name deleted), but to my friends and almost everywhere else, I'm a woman known as Amy. Clearly, I can't continue to do this forever. Furthermore, my body has changed because of the treatments I'm receiving.
The reason that I'm telling you about this 'transition' now is that I will soon be starting the process of the 'life test' where I will be living full-time as the woman I am. I will begin by legally changing my name. I've reached a point where it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to keep this change personal. After I get my name changed, I intend to live as a woman everywhere and that includes (company name deleted). This may require some adjustments on your part, so I think it's important that you know what to expect.
WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM ME?
Overall, you can expect things to remain pretty much the same as they are now, besides the new name and gender. I'll be wearing clothing that is more feminine in nature. I really like working here at (company name deleted), and I'm committed to continue doing a great job and being a part of a great team. I'll try my best to minimize any disruptions caused by my transition on my work and on the team.
For those of you who may be genuinely curious about what I'm doing, I'll make myself available to answer in person or by e-mail any honest questions you may have. I've talked to Jackie, and if you're uncomfortable asking me questions directly, she's agreed to pass them along to me anonymously, and then return my answers to you.
WHAT DO I EXPECT FROM YOU?
You with whom I work are some of the last ones to find out about this. I realize there will be some embarrassment and awkwardness. I'm sorry for that, but I hope this will be an occasion for some of us to think deeply about sex, gender, and sexual preference and what they mean in peoples' lives. I don't expect you to understand or approve of my decision to change gender. However, I expect you to respect and accept this decision. Since I will be legally changing my first name from (male name deleted) to Amy, it's courteous to refer to me by that name. It's also courteous to now refer to me as 'she' rather than 'he'. I won't get upset because of genuine mistakes, as I'm quite aware of how difficult this can be, but I'd appreciate it if you make an effort. Beyond that, there's no need to treat me differently. I'm still the same person, and I hope you'll continue to relate to me like you do now.
(Company name deleted) fully supports my decision to change gender and in doing so, shows its commitment to provide the best work environment for all employees and to embrace diversity in the workplace. In the end, I hope that once you process the information in this letter, you'll come to realize that what I'm doing is really not such a big deal after all.
Sincerely,
Amy/(male name deleted)
Currently listening:South of Heaven
By Slayer
Release date: 25 October, 1990
