The Rest of 2003 (Blast From the Past Entry)

After giving my parents my "coming out letter" (which you can read here), there are only a couple things that I can remember about the year of 2003. I continued laser hair removal and birthmark removal. I went for hair removal a total of six times, and as for birthmark removal, I believe four times. I stopped seeing progress with both, and I didn't want to pay for nothing. The laser hair removal had only affected my cheeks and neck. The upper lip and chin looked exactly the same to me. Some hairs fell out in those areas, but grew right back. The birthmark did lighten, to about half the intensity that it was previously. I'll have to get around to getting some before-and-after photos.

More importantly, I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) in July of 2003. The endocrinologist I was seeing had not treated any transgender patients, but he was willing to learn, and he started networking with a few doctors who had done a lot of work with those who are transgendered. I remember looking up their names on the internet after the doctor had told me about them, and finding out about all the work they had done... but I can't remember their names now. I wish I had kept up with the diary. It would be really interesting to read my experiences when starting hormones, but I'll have to go from memory here.

My first change was felt mentally and emotionally. After a month or two, a wave of serenity and tranquility came over me. I remember thinking, "Is this what a woman feels like all the time? This is awesome." And oh boy, did the emotions come pouring out of me as well. I would cry over music videos and commercials. I had at least one full-on laughing fit a week. You know the kind where you start trying to say, "No no, stop stop, oh my stomach hurts! Ow ow! Ha ha ha!" I love those. Oh, and anger felt different too. Someone made an anti-semitic remark towards a Jewish friend of mine, and I picked up a heavy book and stood up from where I was sitting. He and some other friends I was with stopped me. What I was feeling seemed remarkably similar to a motherly, protective kind of anger.

The next change was my hair and skin, which both got softer and less oily. Before hormones, I would shower one morning, then the next morning, my hair was oily already. Ugh, I do not miss that! But then, I don't miss many pre-hormone conditions at all. Next, my body hair got finer and less prickly, and started growing in slower. I remember that my arm hair was unchanged. I had never shaved it before, so I decided to try it. Everyone was telling me, "No, don't do that, it'll grow back in thicker and all bristly!" I did it anyway. The arm hair took a week to grow back, and it was softer and finer than ever. Yay!

The last change was breast growth. This started just after two months on hormones, and kicked into high gear when my doctor upped my dose at the three-month mark. Oh, I was so ecstatic! I had to start wearing tight sports bras to smoosh them down. I didn't want to bother with wrapping them and what-not. I was so happy, though! I felt so content, so at peace with myself and my body... more than ever before. I remember thinking, "So this is what it feels like to be whole."

These photos are from January of 2004, at my second Auntie M's annual drag contest/dinner/dance. (Click here for my first one.) I don't remember many specifics from this event. Lorna, who I had met once before, was competing this time. She totally rocked! She should've won. Someone else who I wasn't really impressed with took the title. Bogus. Anyway, there was more dinner, more dancing, and I had a really good time. I felt more comfortable in my skin this time. I love this dress and I would love to wear it again, but I need somewhere to wear it to. I wasn't wearing the breast forms anymore. No electrolysis yet. But yes, this is my real hair... finally! I got it cut and styled on the same day, so this is the only time it looked like this. I kinda like it.