Hair Removal (Blast From the Past Entry)

Looking back on this now, I can't believe the stuff I wrote about Andi. I honestly didn't even remember writing it, or even feeling that way. I know that I was trying to find myself, and I was extremely lonely at the time.


January 6th, 2003
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Today was... ta-da... my first hair removal session! Unfortunately, I didn't set myself up very well for the day, sleep-wise. I didn't go to bed right away, after coming back from Honey's on Saturday night, and then ended up sleeping for twelve hours! So I basically got up shortly after 6 PM. I tried to go to sleep that night, and my last try at that was around 7 AM, but no luck, and the appointment was at 11:30 AM.

I got there late (damn snow!), but Barbara Ruggiero was her usual friendly self. I had come in male mode, just like when I first met her for my consultation last month. I had just printed some photos from the Long Island Pride Winter Ball and the New Jersey photo shoot, so I showed them to her. I said, "Do you recognize this person?" She was very smiley and complimentary, especially regarding my legs.

Then we got down to it. I had put this cream called EMLA on my face about 90 minutes prior to the appointment. It helps to numb the face a bit. Despite the EMLA, this freakin' hurt! Every five seconds, the gun went "ZAP!" It felt like a scalding hot rubber band hitting my face. I tried to keep perfectly still like I was supposed to, but I couldn't stop my legs from trembling. Barbara has the best bedside manner you could imagine (without getting x-rated, that is), so that helped. The whole procedure was supposed to take 40 - 45 minutes and cost $300.00. Well, it ended up taking more like 90 minutes and I was only charged $275.00. So whatever her reason, it sure seems like Barbara is not in it solely for the money. She's somewhat similar to Karen from FemmeFever, as far as her friendliness and general attitude.

After 90 minutes of torture (interspersed with the application of cooling gel, cortizone cream, and wet tissues), my face was beet-red, especially my neck. I left the office and started heading towards Vanessa's house, as I was going to "hide" over there for the night, while my face looked all nasty. It turned out, though, that she couldn't have me over, as she had to take her mother to the doctor's office and help her at home.

So I went home with the A/C blasting on my face. My hands were freezing, but my face felt nice! Everyone was still away at work when I came home, thankfully. I wouldn't know how to explain to my parents what happened to my face. I took some food and drinks up to my room and hid. The pain had reduced drastically by about 3 PM. I could already feel some very small clear patches on my cheeks, chin and neck. So while this was very encouraging, Barbara did tell me that some of the hairs may grow back, in about four weeks or so. Or... it may never grow back. I hope, I hope! But in either case, it's a good sign, since it shows that my skin is reacting positively already. In three weeks or so, I should notice even more of a change. Anyway, I had taken the night off from work, so went to sleep around 5 PM, and that was that.

And now for some random thoughts. At the New Year's Eve party, I realized that it seemed Carmen was either upset or tired. Well, upon asking her, I found out the answer was: upset. It turns out that Carmen has a crush on me. Now keep in mind that Carmen is a crossdresser. So we're basically talking "guy on guy" here, at least physically. At this point, I think I may be "bi-curious," but only slightly. I may one day want to experiment in that way, but I'm still very girl-crazy. With a man, it would probably have to be the right person, right mood, etc. Upon telling Carmen all of this, she was pretty embarassed, yet she said that I definitely have her as a friend. I stopped by her place last night to help her set up her new computer. I set up her email, and bookmarked a bunch of websites (FemmeFever, our group; urnotalone.com, t-girls.net, and some others). So we're friends, all's well that ends well.

Then we come to Andi. What I wrote before about the "right person?" Andi might be that person. Although, get this, Andi is starting the process to physically become a woman. She's starting the hormone therapy this week, and is looking to go "full steam ahead" with the changing of her sex. Where this leaves Andi's marriage is unknown to all at this point. While this may sound callous, if Andi's wife leaves her, and she is anatomically a woman at that point, should I express an interest in her? Mind you, I have never asked Andi what her sexual preference is, though we have talked about what seems like everything else (many lonnnggg emails). I don't know, I just find it rude and awkward to ask her what her preference is. We could assume that Andi likes women since she's married to one, but men? I'm already attracted to Andi, and not only her appearance, but personality-wise also. She is so funny and honest.

As far as Vanessa, she has lately become very unsupportive about "Amy." She was, until recently, very positive and supportive of my feminine side, but either she has changed her mind, or is just now voicing things that have been on her mind for months. She says she will still come out with me to "tg-type events" or "situations" only. I can also still get ready to go out at her place, but she feels that I have an actual disorder, and I'm irresponsible for going out just anywhere like that. So without going further into the comments and criticisms she had, I'll just say that the whole conversation was very negative. She apologized later, but I still don't need that kind of negativity in my life. It does not help in the least.

I'll close out this entry in a positive way. I have never felt so popular or desired this much ever in my life. It's great! Carmen has a crush on me, Andi says that I'm so passable and "everything about you screams girl!" Dee says that I'm so beautiful, and I have the perfect size body. That guy Cat goes nuts too. I'm popular, I'm popular! And I love it. Hee hee!

I think that I make a much better woman than a man. As a man, I found it difficult to get a date. Now, everyone wants me or envies me. I refuse to let myself get stuck-up, or of the opinion that "I'm so great." But it does feel nice. On top of that, I put my picture as a man on hotornot.com. I got a 1.5 out of 10. Then I put up a picture of me in girl mode. 7.8! The numbers speak for themselves, I guess.