Tattoo Touch-Up (6 Days to Go!)

I finally got my phoenix tattoo touched-up! You can read about my original session here, and see some more pics here. Below are some photos, but first, a few anecdotes, if you will.

This session hurt worse than last time, yet only lasted an hour or so. Why did it hurt worse? First of all, he was using a smaller needle than last time, which causes more of a stinging, piercing sensation. Second of all, and what probably had the greatest impact: My skin, even after 19 days, still had not completely rejuvenated. Sure, the scabs were pretty much gone... but barely.

Thankfully, like I said, it was over fairly quickly. He told me, "All I have to do now is color the eye red." I was all, "Really? That's it?" Anyway, yes, I did get the eye colored red, and you can see the result above (though there is glare, sorry!). I do like the color there, as it really stands out against the blue, but I'm not entirely happy with the shape of the eye. I can always get it fixed for $20 or something down in Tucson. We'll see. Anyway, on with the pics!

This was at the beginning of today's session. He had just wiped the smudgy blue ink off my skin. It didn't feel quite as bad as the wipe-offs during my first session!

Happy (that's his name), doing what he does best.

No, I wasn't asleep here. I wish! I was actually feeling intense pain when this was taken. Who would've known, right?

I wore sandals that day, and kicked them off once I got in "The Chair." Thus you can see my toes curling and my feet rubbing against each other. Some people just say "OW!" a lot. Not me.

Here he's coloring the eye red. Coolness.

A picture can be worth a thousand words. This, a painting at the Happy Tats parlor, sums up my feelings on how painful it was to have this tattoo done. `Nuff said.

Happy and I. It's not that I'm that small (although I like the effect here, ha ha!), it's more that Happy is just big. He has to be over six feet tall, easily. And yes, he loves metal. I hope we come by here again and I'll get to see him. He's a really great guy, and a superb tattoo artist.

I saved my "countdown pic" for last this time. Six days until "hasta la vista, Michigan!" And good riddance! This is a really awesome pic, by the way. My favorite so far.

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Oops Again! (7 Days to Go!)

I missed a day again. One week `til we leave for Arizona. Wow, just a week!

Nikki and I watched "But I'm a Cheerleader," and then went to bed since it was so late and all. I've seen the movie once, but it was Nikki's first time watching it. If you've never seen it, I would highly recommend it. It carries a powerful message, that one should be who they are and not try to be someone they're not, just to please others. That, and the whole "Ex-Gay" thing is a farce!

Gotta go! I'm off to get some finishing touches on my tattoo. The appointment is in less than two hours. Blog with pics to come tonight. Film at 11. Wish me luck!

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Auntie M's and the PVC Skirt (Blast From the Past Entry) (8 Days to Go!)

Eight days to go until the move! Attack of the Malaysians? I wouldn't mind being attacked by these Maylasians. Okey-dokey, now here's the part where I wait for Nikki to read this entry and wack me over the head with a random item...

Here's the penultimate edition of "blast from the past." If I do any after more after the last entry, it'll be scans of funny stuff I drew or what-not. Not even trans-related. So enjoy it, willlya? And please comment if you can think of anything to say. My commenters have fallen by the wayside, even on my current entries.

I don't remember much about my parents being away from home. I think it was for a week, and I could come and go as much as I wanted to, being the only one in the house. It was a tantalizing taste of freedom. In fact, now that I think about it, I did go to the bank all dolled up, just to withdraw cash from the ATM. I was wearing my Mudd heeled sandals that I also mentioned below. I still have them, and they're still my favorite pair of shoes, despite the scores that I've worn since `03.

Auntie M's closed quite a few years ago.




May 17th, 2003
------------------

My happy little "vacation" is at an end. My parents came back yesterday, so Amy is back in hiding. I went out to dinner with Dee (who now prefers the name Diana), after getting ready at her place. I was wearing a blue stretchy shirt that's actually a young mens' shirt. I wore jean short-shorts and my new "feel good" Mudd heels. I really looked like I had huge boobs with this shirt! The real reason I wore it, is because the collar is cut high, to cover my annoyed birthmark. That last laser session left a bunch of scabs on it. Ick!

We went to a diner near the Smithaven Mall. I ordered a full dinner: flounder stuffed with crab, soup, salad, fruit cup, potatoes, creamed spinach... the works. There was another customer there with her husband or boyfriend, who was laughing, and then just staring at me. It didn't really bother me until she was watching me eat my entire dinner. How rude! This one man in the lobby (before we were seated) made a funny comment that I was "pushing the season," as I was wearing shorts, and the nights are still kind of chilly. I always do that though. I just love summer clothes.

Afterwards, Diana went home, and I picked up Carmen. We were going to Auntie M's to see the drag show and to see Karen (owner of FemmeFever). I changed out of the shorts, and into a black shiny pvc skirt. Oooh, naughty Amy!

Yep, it looks pretty much just like this!

It was pretty crowded that night at Auntie M's, so I had to park pretty far away, on a side street by a 7-11. On the walk to the bar, I got two "woooh's" and one cry of "crazy legs!" Insane gams? Hmmm... Anyway, we made it inside in one piece, and Karen said she thought we were two gg's walking in. She looked tired, but it was great to see her again.

After the drag show, I played some pool with Carmen, then we played as a team against two guys. One of them thought he recognized me from somewhere in guy mode, but he didn't look familiar to me at all. We left around 4 am (!!!), and I got a few more "woooh's" and whistles as walked back to the car. I should've known that skirt was trouble. Guess I'll have to wear it again soon...!

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Holiday House Party (Blast From the Past Entry) (11 Days to Go!)

A few notes on this one. I remember "shaving myself down," and hey, I don't miss that at all. I still shave my legs and arms. I shave my stomach about once a month. The hair, while very soft, takes forever to grow. So it's like peach fuzz until about a month in, when it starts getting too long to be peach fuzz.

Vanessa's mom died in March of 2004. I really miss her. She accepted me so much more than my own mom did.

Karen is the owner of FemmeFever. She's so sweet, and I think one of the other FF girls told me, "We've all had a crush on Karen at one point or another." It makes sense. After going for years without, you finally find someone who is not only attractive, but accepts you for who you are.

Woah. I'm reading this now for the first time in at least four years, and I really wrote this? "I can be feminine when I want, and then just relax and be a guy afterwards." It's hard for me to imagine that I ever felt that way or thought that way. But notice that a few paragraphs later, I'm trying to get my brain around transitioning... without transitioning! It was only six months later, that I decided I wouldn't ever go back to "being a guy." Ever.

The pictures posted here were originally posted in this entry, as I had the pictures but not the diary entry. In fact, I didn't even remember I wrote about this until I found it again.



December 14th, 2002
-------------------------

I went to my first FemmeFever "house party" and I had a great time! I had a little bit of trouble sleeping as I sometimes do. I look forward to the get-togethers, and just "being Amy" so much. But at least I got five hours of sleep today. I got up, showered, "shaved myself down" again (I hadn't shaved in over a week), and went to Vanessa's house to get ready.

Unfortunately, Nessa wasn't feeling good and couldn't meet us at Auntie M's afterwards. But Nessa and her mother still let me get ready at their house and then come back afterwards to sleep over. I thank God for Vanessa and her mother. I would be lost without them. I try to remind them as much as possible without being redundant, that I appreciate them, and what they do for me, so much.

Vanessa even had Christmas cards for Michelle & Cecile, Lilly, & Karen. I didn't even think of that! Although I had a birthday card for Karen. I really like her. I don't know if it would be right for her to have a personal interest in someone in her "club" as more than a friend though. I wonder... ;)

So I drove to Karen's, actually found a place to park not far from the house, and upon entering, saw so many familiar faces. I was so happy to see Lilly, Michelle, Anna, Heather, Karen of course, Carmen and Suzy (who I met at the Father Jerry photo shoot), and Kristine and Phyllis (who I met at RS Jones). I also met Andi, who is so funny and crazy. :) She told me I was "so cute, just look how cute you are!" Of course, I'll never get tired of hearing things like that from anybody. :)

What are the highlights of the time at Karen's house? I talked to so many interesting girls like me, I had delicious shrimp cocktail, took some photos, was in some photos (I still have yet to see some of those group shots by the tree), I lost my amethyst off my necklace (the necklace just came off, didn't break though, thank God), but I found it in the bathroom, thank God again! I got a manicure set from the grab bag. Carmen got the gift I bought, a huge makeup set. All kinds of eye makeup, lipsticks and blushes. I'm glad Carmen got it, she deserves it. :) I liked it so much I was tempted to just grab my own gift, but nahhh, that would have been boring.

I keep wondering if Karen really likes me, but she seems to be very friendly and "flirty" with many of the girls. When we were posing for the group shot, Karen and I were sitting in front of the tree with others sitting or standing behind us. She started playing footsie with me, and then she put her legs over my legs... it was pretty surreal with both of us wearing panyhose, lol! But it felt nice and got my heart beating a little faster. I am soooo bad at being able to tell if people are just being friendly or genuinely have an attraction or fondness for me. So it's the same case here. Karen has John (or Siandra, John's "femme name"), but I have heard it's an "on-again, off-again," relationship. Maybe they see other people, I don't know... I don't know if it would be proper to ask Karen out on a date...? It's probably complicated since she runs the group/club/whatever you want to call it, and I am one of hundreds of members. Well, I'm sure I'll see more of her, so we'll see what happens... if she keeps up with the flirting, I'll either jump her bones or faint, lol!

Afterwards, we went to Auntie M's. I followed Michelle there, and Lilly followed me. It's a very small bar, pool table in front, one "unisex" bathroom. A few guys were staring at me when I came in, & once again I cannot "read" people. I don't know if they're staring at me because they find me attractive, they do not like me for some reason, they are trying to figure out what gender I really am, hehe. I have no idea. But I had a good time there. There were some verrry attracive lesbians/bisexuals (?) there...very young and very nice...they did not stare at me though, oh well. :) There was one there who looked like Dominique Swain...oooh, I love Dominique Swain! Now guys are staring at me, I am staring at this Dominique look-alike, and she seems oblivious to all of this, ha ha! :)

There was some girl (also very attractive) playing pool while laying ON the pool table, hehe. Heather goes over and "chases" her off. Heather is sooo funny, just irrepressible, really. And of course, that is great! :) I talked to Phil, who is a Vietnam vet and former firefighter...wow...my father was in Vietnam. He was too embarrassed to come dressed. I do feel bad for those who are older and of a heavier build than me. Some of them feel unattractive or embarrassed. Not everyone can be 5'5" and be "out" in their 30's like I am. But someday (unless something terrible happens to me), I'll be that age myself. I do not judge anybody by their age, weight, gender, sexual persuasion, race, etc... I just try to be thankful and appreciate what I have as much as possible without having a swelled head over it.

So anyway, Phil finds me very attractive, and he is bi-sexual. He bought me TWO drinks, spent 8 bucks on me, which I appreciated very much. Unfortunately, I am only occassionally "bi-curious" as I have mentioned before. If I ever do have an encounter with a man or another T-girl (who is usually still a man under all that anyway), it would be with someone I know very well and am totally comfortable with. And it will very likely never happen, and no big loss if it doesn't. And if it did happen, I may or may not enjoy it. I just don't know at this point. It is not at the forefront of my mind anyway. I just enjoy meeting all these interesting people, and making friends!

Speaking of which, I spoke to Andi, who I mentioned above. I'm not sure what made Andi confide in me with her dilemma, though I am glad she did. (Even though it's very sad.) Maybe she is attracted to me (at this time I don't know her sexual preference), maybe I was just there at the right moment, I don't know. But she is married (to a gg), and has three kids... and is now at the point where she wants to get SRS. This is probably the end of her marriage I am guessing, and maybe the alienation of her kids. Plus "coming out" in the workplace. She is very depressed living life as man, and she showed me scars on her wrist, which I'm not sure is from suicide attempts or self-mutilation. I tried to console her as best as I could, and I can only imagine what it must be like. I do not hate my male persona at all, but I do enjoy my female persona more. But I like the way I am, having the "best of both worlds." I can be feminine when I want, and then just relax and be a guy afterwards. But not everyone is like this, and Andi is one of them, has a need to be a woman that just won't go away. So the only choices are to stay the way she is, and be miserable, just wanting this all her life and never getting it...or make the change into a woman and risk messing up everything else, family, job, marriage, etc...it must be so hard to make a choice like that. So I want to help her in some way. I sent her an email a day after the party, left her my cellphone number if she ever needed to talk or whatever.

Anyway, three gin and tonics later (two of which were bought by Phil...thank you Phil!), I was feeling very happy, hehe. I hugged almost everyone goodbye, and usually I am very hesitant in doing that. I gave Karen a nice squeeze.  :) I just have never hugged much and done touchy-feely things like that in "guy mode," but I want to be very sweet and everything as Amy, so hopefully one day I will be as sweet and nice without being totally blasted! Hee hee.  :)

Kristine drove me home, and I left my car in the lot. I very much appreciated her for doing that for me. :) She's very pretty also. Some of the girls are sooo pretty and feminine, then they speak and I hear a "guy voice," and I don't even expect it. Kristine wears very nice outfits, satin (or satin-looking) blouses, leather skirts, sexy heels, long-ass legs, and her makeup and hair are immaculate. I get "fooled" sub-consciously into thinking a sexy, sultry voice would come out of that mouth!  :)  So she drove me to Vanessa's house, it was 1 am at that time. I changed and broke out the makeup remover pads, and had to relate my conversation with Andi to Vanessa before calling it a night. Vanessa has had problems similar to Andi's (not related to gender identity though, caused by other things), so I figured she would understand at least the symptoms of these problems, even if she couldn't relate to the cause itself (the cause being this life-shaking, potentially life-destroying, thing that is called having SRS, and the reactions of those you love).

Now a related thought, which has been invading my mind more and more lately. As I do more and more "Amy-related" things, I begin to love it more and more. I am starting the hair-removal appointments in January, thinking of removing the birthmark on my shoulder, going to these FemmeFever get-togethers, thinking of growing my hair into at least a semi-feminine style, and just going out in "drab" with some makeup, clothes on, etc... I begin to fantasize more and more, about if I lived by myself (or with an understanding roommate), I could just wear these clothes/makeup/etc..., all the time. Then I might even consider going dressed to the workplace. Just imagine...! Going to work in a dress, blouse and skirt, or just jeans and a shirt, but with the makeup, hair, nails, etc...! Wow. I would be so nervous, and people would probably be giggling, staring, etc... But I would still feel great. I would ask the management first though, and I have a feeling they would be okay with it. This job is the only job I have ever had that I actually like my supervisors, bosses, etc...usually I get along with the other employees and not the management. But I guess I would tell them, "I am a crossdresser, and I prefer to wear women's clothes and makeup. Would this be acceptable to come to work dressed in that way?" Man, I am so curious as to what they would say! I would of course reassure them that I wear normal women's clothing. A lot of people do not know a lot about crossdressers, and they may mistakenly assume that I would come wearing some gaudy outfit or wear inappropriate clothes. Maybe I would stop by in person to discuss this, and show some photos of how I would present myself at work. I don't think I would be fired for this... either they say yes, and it's fine... or they would say no, and I would continue to attend work in "guy mode." They already had a outwardly homosexual man work there, and he used to wear wacky leather outfits and do his nails with the girls there. Anyway, I keep thinking about this. But, this could only happen after all of the following happen first: A) I live in my own place or with an accepting roommate, B) I finish up my laser hair removal (as I mentioned before, my skin is so sensitive I can't shave every day or even every two days, so stubble is not acceptable, I have to totally look the part at work, for me anyway), C) grow my real hair long (that wig would really get on my nerves every day), and probably also D) get that birthmark removed. Now...B and D are happening real soon, C will take awhile, and I hope I can get my hair to look nice, and A is probably very far off. This job is great, but $10.25 an hour is not enough to live on, especially with child support taken out. I can barely afford my bills as it is. So it's either get another job or a second job (who may or may not let me come dressed as Amy in the workplace), or take a few years to pay off my debts (without running up new ones!), get some raises in the meantime hopefully, and find a roommate or girlfriend to live with. Just some thoughts... but I would love to live full-time or almost full-time as Amy. With my hair long and my facial hair removed, I would only have to throw on some girly clothes, put on makeup and go. Soooo easy compared to now. Shaving... I hate it. That shadow is always there no matter how close I shave. Covering my birthmark... hate it. Takes so long and the concealer gets on my outfits. The wig... I love my wig, but my scalp gets hot and itchy, it gets tangled, smells like smoke after going out to places like Auntie M's. And living with my family... I have to hide everything. If I lived away from home, I would probably only be in "guy mode" to see my family and my friends who don't know about this. I wouldn't want to hurt my family or my daughter. Besides that, just be Amy... go out anywhere as Amy, sleep as Amy, go to work as Amy... just be that way all the time. How wonderful it would be. Maybe this will happen eventually. It's just nice to think of it.  :)

All in all, it was a great night! I'm not sure what the next "Amy event" will be, but I do want to go to another of Karen's house parties on Jan 31st, a Friday night, which may be a sleepover/slumber party, if enough are interested. Another night I have to take off work, ah well. Then I may have my first facial hair removal session on the next day. My appointment right now is for Jan 10th, a Friday, so I would have to take off two Friday's in one month, that would be not so good. So maybe I can schedule a Saturday appointment for hopefully later in the day. They only do Saturdays every six weeks or so, and Feb 1st is one of those Saturdays. I just have to call them on Monday to find out if they have any good times for me on that day. In any case, I'm looking forward to banishing my beard.  :)

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15 Days to Go!

Technically, it's Friday over here, so it's actually 14 days now... but what the heck, it's still Thursday in other parts of the world.  ;)

I had the pleasure of meeting another transwoman (Hi, Jen!) and her wife a few days ago. We couldn't find someone to watch the kids for a bit, so we went to a McDonald's with a Playplace so that said kids could have something to do while the adults talked. They were celebrating some kid's birthday there, so the place was filled with screeching children. What I found sad is that the majority of the parents stayed in the restaurant and merely peeked through the window at the Playplace from time to time. Way to watch your kids! Anyway, Jen and her wife are a couple that stayed together through and after transition (the spouse always goes through his or her own transition as well), which is always heartening for me to see. There are so many couples who break up. True, it doesn't pertain to Nikki and I (she met me while already knowing I'm a transsexual), but it is nice to see. Other than that, they certainly seem like great people and I was glad to get to know them. Figures that we make new friends here, three weeks before we move. I told them we'd invite them to the wedding, which would be in about a year and a half. We might go to their house for a barbecue in a week or so. Sounds fun!

This tattoo is really itchy now. The tattoo is blue, but the scabs are greenish or aquamarineish (aquamarineish?). I guess the brown of the scab mixed with the tattoo's color? I've been really good, and haven't been picking at it. I did actually scratch at a scab in my sleep last night. Oops! I had no idea what I was doing, of course. It got me nervous, because I want this tattoo to remain looking awesome, and it needs to be healed for when Happy finishes his work on Saturday the 22nd.

Nikki and I bought a whole bunch of snacks for the trip. We found these bags of candy that were 10 for $5.00 or something like that, plus some other things. Gummi worms, gummi bears, sour gummi worms and bears, Twizzlers (gotta love Twizzlers!), Doritos (cheeseburger flavor for me... yes it's odd but yummy, and tastes like eating a cheeeseburger!), Slim Jims and Tootsie Roll Pops (there were banana flavored pops in there!). The last three are a tradition for me on long road trips. I am still trying to lose weight, but I'm putting it on hold for those three days of traveling. Gotta have the snacks and the tunes, or else I'll go mad!

We went all the way to Southfield to talk to the nice people at the traffic court. I got a ticket on the way to the tattoo parlor, mentioned here. We didn't have the insurance information in the car at the time, which was a $450 fine... unless we provide the traffic court proof of insurance at the time of the accident. So we did just that, and now the ticket is down to $145 ($120 for speeding, and $25 for the insurance fiasco... can you believe it? They didn't dismiss the insurance matter entirely! Wow, it was never like that in New York.). The ride there and back was hell. Lots of slick highways and lots of rain. Maybe it's the progesterone, because I can't remember being so scared while driving. My heart would fly up out of my chest every time the car in front of me hit their brakes! So I think I'm stopping this progesterone now. It alters my mood too often. It's given me all the nice features I wanted (breasts, hips and possibly buttocks as well) and rounded everything out, making me a bit more "bootylicious." But I can see no benefit from staying on the stuff indefinitely.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to pay this ticket. This $145 would probably cut into our "extra expenses" and such for our trip down. Things such as dinner at whatever fast food place they have at the rest area, emergency cash, and so forth. Michigan can suspend my license, but hey I won't be driving in Michigan after two weeks. My question is this, for whoever might know: When I go to get my driver's license in Arizona, will they require me to pay off the Michigan ticket first?

Oh, this just in. Nikki called the cops on our neightbors upstairs. They've been blasting their music until 3 or 4 in the morning for the last three nights. It's nigh impossible to get back to sleep if you get woken up by this hip hop crap (sorry... I hate most hip hop). The police showed up rather quickly. Getting them to hear the knocking over their music was another thing. I think they fell asleep while the music was blasting. Maybe drunk or something as well. At least it's stopped... for now. I really can't wait to get out of here!

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Recovery, and Other Creatures

Wow! Today I was able to raise my left arm up over my head without experiencing more than a little pain. It still wasn't very comfortable, and the muscle was a bit tight. It's amazing how quickly one's muscles can fall into disrepair.

I have a few scabs on my my shoulder and bicep area. It took me awhile to figure out they're scabs. It's difficult when everything is colored blue. Oh yes, and my skin is peeling quite a bit too. I left blue skin all over the bottom of the bathtub yesterday. Well, I cleaned up my smurf droppings and checked to see if anything else was ready to just fall off me.

All this is very natural and normal after getting a tattoo. What I'm wondering about, is the small pimples near my tattoo. I have them on my left breast right under the tattoo, and on my arm on the side of the tattoo. I have no idea what's causing these. Nikki thought that maybe my skin is allergic to the tattoo ink. But... I don't have any pimples on the tattoo itself. Then I thought maybe irritation from the bacitracin zinc ointment I used, dripping down from the tattoo. But wouldn't the tattooed area be irritated as well? Well it is possible that it has nothing to do with the tattoo, and merely coincidental that it just happens to be near it? In any case, I see my doctor tomorrow (probably my final visit before the move), so this is a good chance to have him look at it.

I've gotten a bunch of compliments on my tattoo. This one cashier at Wal-Mart really liked it, and he asked me a few questions about it. He seemed pretty impressed that it was my first tattoo and it took five hours to complete. One lady at Speedway (a gas station, for those who haven't heard of Speedway) was asking me, "Wow, does it hurt?" and "Where's the head?" I definitely want the head more defined.

Besides the tattoo stuff, we're so psyched to get out of here. A lot of our neighbors are simply people we can't stand. They walk past our window all the time, yelling at each other and starting fights. 18 days to go! Then they can beat the hell out of each other, and we'll be blissfully unaware.  ;)

Last week I made a mistake and missed Skylar's bus! She gets dropped off from preschool a half hour early on Wednesdays, and I could've sworn it was a Tuesday. The bus transportation called me and left me a message while I was out walking. I called them back and only got voicemail. I left them a message, asking them why so early, and that she's supposed to be dropped off at 11:30 am. No call back.

When I was almost home, Skylar's teacher called. "Today is Wednesday? Are you sure???" I told her I don't have a car, but I can walk there. It was about an hour's walk. When I got there, I asked them if they had a stroller or a wagon... something I could push or pull her in, at least part of the way. Her little legs just can't walk three miles or so! They didn't have one, but she said that she could take the next bus... onlyyyyy I can't go on the bus with her, and she would get home before I could walk there. Oy!

To make a long story short, they called a taxi and paid for it. I actually had enough money on me to pay for it, but they insisted. I felt like a heel for missing her bus and then showing up with no way to get her home. Man, I miss my car! (It was totalled in an accident about a year and a half ago.) So we made it home at around 1:30 PM, and I gave her a late lunch. She said she wanted to go to bed, so I obliged her. I laid down for a half hour as well. After walking two hours, and then another hour to get to her school, I was pretty tired. I must've walked about eight miles that day!

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Tattoo Pics in Progress

Here's the tattoo pics as promised in my last post, though I'm a day late again. With the exception of the photo on the left, these were taken while the tattoo was being done. We should've taken more, but hey, I go back on the 22nd for a touch-up. I want to get some better pics of Happy in action. (The tattoo is only 80 - 85% complete.) Since I wrote all about this in the previous entry, I figured I'd just put the pics up, with captions. Thanks for reading... and viewing.   :)

Right before the tattooing process had begun. You can see my birthmark, surrounded by inked-on flames, and the woman in silhouette.

Nikki's hand, which I held most vigorously during most of the process. She only seemed to mind when my nails dug into her flesh...

Here's my cyan bird of flame, about halfway complete. The tail and the right wing were done, as well as the silhouette and the phoenix's head. He's working on the body now, and next up comes the left wing, going over my shoulder.

I sweated bucketloads! The more it hurt, the more I sweat. Somehow I still managed to smile for the camera.

Here's my final rub-down. Notice how I'm kinda trying to get away from him. Wiping hurts so bad. This man = pain right here!

Yay! Done for today! That alone brought a smile to my face. But to see all that work come to fruition was priceless.

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I Got My Phoenix Tattoo!

Five hours of pain and several hundred dollars later, I'm witness to a beautiful blue phoenix tattoo on my left shoulder and upper arm! Then he tells me that he wants to touch it up on another day, which will take another hour and a half. That'll be free, at least. I was originally going to write about this last night, but I was in so much pain afterward that I popped a Vicodin, and it made me a bit queasy, so I just went to sleep. Anyway, let me begin at the beginning.

I mentioned in my last entry that I forgot my camera, and hoped I would remember it this time. Ummm... oops. Nikki had me stop at a Wal-Green's and get a disposable camera. I haven't gotten the pictures back from that yet, so I'll have to tide you over with pics taken at our box-ridden apartment on Tuesday, a day later.

We were almost at the tattoo place, and we got pulled over by a cop. I was going 55 in a 35? First of all, it's ridiculous to post a speed limit of 35 mph on a three-lane highway. Second of all, I don't think I was going that fast. But he gave us a break (I suppose) by writing the ticket as being only 5 miles over the limit. He left, I pulled out of the bank in which I had turned into to "pull over," and lo and behold. The tattoo parlor, Happy Tats, is right there. We almost made it! Grrrr!

While Nikki and I are waiting for me to be seated in "The Chair," two other people walk in. It seems they also have an appointment at 12 noon. It turned out that I was actually supposed to come next Monday, but they messed up and told me to come the same Monday as these two. Since my appointment was approximately five hours in length, and the other people would only take an hour and a half, we were asked to come back then. They did try to put off these folks for another time, but one of them was going to be out of town, yadda yadda yadda. So we hung out at Wendy's for a bit and then came back, and waited for another hour. I was finally seen at 2:30 PM, and after gabbing about the tattoo and figuring out just how I wanted it done, the actual tattooing began at 3 PM.

Wow, it hurt. A LOT. It hurt so much due to where he was working. The chest was excruciating. The inside of my arm (that soft part) was torture. The shoulder and outer arm hurt too, but the back was a breeze in comparison. I squeezed Nikki's hand until my hand got tired. Then I squeezed some more. Because of the tattoo being over my birthmark, he had to keep going over it again and again, because the color just wasn't taking. And because he was using a lot of blue, he had to keep wiping the area over and over since it smears. Wiping HURTS. BAD. All the nerve endings in the other areas that hadn't been touched for a few minutes just wake up and start screaming!

The plus side, other than my baby being there with me, was that Happy is a really nice guy. We had some nice conversation. And he played some really fine (read: heavy) music too, which helped to get my mind off the pain. I found it hard to talk during the tender spots, though. One syllable answers were all I could muster while I was feeling like my skin was being torn off my body.

He stopped the torture at 7:45 PM. To my credit, I didn't issue a single tear. A few whimpers, and some leg thrashing during some wiping, but that was all. Oh yes, I did tremble and have my teeth chatter when he was blazing over my chest. And I must've sweated a bucket-full. He told me to stand up, and then to come closer. He wiped me again, over the entire tattoo. YOW! Then he said he would finish this in two and a half weeks. He stopped before having the chest finished, since he knew I was in extreme agony from having that area worked on three times already. So I'll have another hour and a half of agony. Oh happy day.

We figured out an appointment time, and then he told me again to "come here." I did, reluctantly, and he smeared petroleum jelly all over it. Once more, excruciating pain. I started backing away and that made him laugh. I told him, "Right now, Happy equals pain. In a week or so, Happy will equal awesome dude, but as for now, you just equal pain." Nikki started laughing her ass off, but I was at least partly serious. I was ready to run out of there! But it was worth it.

Well... I hope so, actually. I'm not quite sure, but the red from the birthmark might be starting to show through the light blue colors of the tattoo. Not good! I hope it doesn't start looking like crap, with red showing through the light blue, and maybe even the darker blue. Maybe he could tattoo purple over the light blue? It would make the claws stand out more anyway. I want the head to stand out more also, but there's purple around it already. I do want the eye to be red.

Right now, my pain is quite bearable. I can reach my eye with my left arm, and hold it straight out to the side of me (like the silhouette in the tattoo). I still can't lift it over my head. Hopefully tomorrow. The inside of my arm is red and swollen, even four inches away from the tattoo. My back is fine. It stings when I wash it. The rest doesn't sting. It burns. Happy told me that I was nuts for getting this as my first tattoo. It was a really rough ride. But then, I wanted this birthmark covered up and done away with, once and for all. Hopefully it won't rear it's ugly head and ruin this awesome tattoo. Time can only tell.

Be sure to tune in tonight, to see photos of the tattoo in progress!

Oh, one other thing. If I had known how bad this sucker would hurt, for five damn hours, well I might've never gotten it done. Ignorance can be good for reaching one's goals... at least in my case.

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Tattoo Delayed! And a Promised Document

I went to Happy Tat's yesterday, but was turned away until Monday (Hey! That's tomorrow though!), since I got a sunburn the day before. I tried to explain to them that the birthmark itself is not burned, just the skin around it. The birthmark doesn't hurt. The birthmark won't peel. No, no... come back on Monday. I was relieved when they told me Monday, since when I first made the appointment, it was made for two weeks later.

Yes, stupid me got a sunburn. (That pic is NOT me, by the way! But I'll get a lot of hits from it, hehehe!) Well, I don't see it as completely my fault. I go walking almost every day. If it's not raining or cold out (seems the cold days are over), I'm walking. Michigan decided to be 80 degrees on Friday, and very sunny. NOT the typical weather here for the the end of April. But hey, I need my walk! And I had a lot of music I wanted to listen to on my iPod, which I have vowed never to listen to, except during my walks or during the trip down to Arizona. I didn't even wear a tank top. But I got burned on my lower arms and the center of my chest... the lower and right-most extremes of my birthmark. Sigh.

Some old man passed me on a little cart thing as I was walking. It was like one of those little vehicles you see in supermarkets, plugged into the wall. He must've had the off-road version, because he drove through the grass to get around me. That was interesting, and made me feel weird. I walk as fast as I can without going into a trot, and the old man passes me on this Wal-Mart cart like I was standing still. Hmmff!

The move is coming along. 26 days to go! I'm mp3-izing all my CDs, since so many in my collection were lost or damaged during my last move. I have a lot of cases without CD's, and a lot of CD's without cases. Some are missing both components, and only remain in my memory... if they're lucky.

Anyway, there are boxes all over. I stubbed my little toe on one of them earlier. Stubbing the little toe is just the worst. It had no defense against that mean old box. Big toe was laughing it's ass off. As if it has an ass to begin with!

You had to progress through all this rambling to get to this: The UpToDate document on transsexuality. I mentioned it in this post, and a few people wrote me to tell me they wanted to read the entire document. Well, here it is, in PDF glory. My objection to said writing is in that beforementioned post. The underlines and little notes were written by my doctor. I'll see him next week so he can look at my tattoo, and also hopefully get me a prescription for 60 or 90 days, so that I have as many HRT-related pills as possible, to maybe last me until I get a job with health insurance. Somehow I doubt that Arizona has state or county-funded programs like Macomb Care Connect.

So here's the link: UpToDate Treatment of Transsexualism

So now I'm psyched for tomorrow. I hope the sunburn is gone, as they predicted. He doesn't live close by at all, and Nikki is taking off work so I could use the car to get there. She loves me.  :D  I forgot to bring my camera yesterday, so hopefully I'll remember it tomorrow. I want to get some pics of the tattoo in progress. All five hours of it! If it doesn't get delayed again, I'll have a post up tomorrow night with the pics. Cheers!

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Odds and Ends

It's been a week or so since I last blogged. Things have been pretty quiet until the last few days, and now I've finally gotten some time to post it all.

First of all, as you might be able to see from the photos, I've recolored my hair. (And I also love girls. LOL!) I used the same color as last time, L'Oreal Feria Power Reds Ruby Rush. I remarked on what a light red it was at first, and a few of you wanted to see what it looks like right after I color it. Well, it didn't look quite so shocking this time. It's maybe a tad redder than the picture in the link provided above, but then said picture was taken a week later. I guess because I still had a lot of the old red in my hair still, or my hair got "used" to the color? Who knows? I do love the way it looks right now. I hope it doesn't wash out too quickly!

Also in the same post, I mentioned these tights that I wear sometimes when I go walking. I'm wearing them in the photos shown here. My therapist thought they were leather pants. Nope. I do have leather pants, but wow I'd probably have to lose 20 to 30 pounds to fit into them again. Last time they fit, I didn't have hips and a butt. It's amazing how fat on females is stored in different places than on males. And yes, the leather pants that I speak of are women's pants, just small!

By the way, I've lost seven pounds in a month and a half! From 163 down to 156. I wanted to lose 20 pounds before Arizona, so I may have to step it up a bit. I've still been eating fast food and such lately, thinking that walking alone might do the trick. Guess not. Three years ago, I was 135. That's pretty good for my height and bone structure (I'm built rather small), and I could fit into all my clothes again if I got back there. Well... almost... I don't think the leather pants would even fit at 135 pounds.

Next! (And this is not in order of importance!) We have an Arizona apartment approved and ready for us! It has three bedrooms (one more than we have now), two bathrooms, a private patio, a washer and dryer (Yay! We need those appliances so bad!), a dishwasher, and all the usual amenities. There's central air A/C, which is much better than those swamp coolers I've been hearing about. (I've been told that they're big machines that sit outside and pump in non-cooled, moist air into the apartment, making you all clammy and such. Ick!) We haven't paid them yet, as we haven't seen the apartment in person. But we hear that it's in a good area, and the pictures look good. Keep your fingers crossed for us? The amount of money we have to pay to move in is surprisingly small, which makes me skeptical. But I hope, I hope, I hope! My mother is kindly paying for the moving truck (Penske), and we already have the money saved to move in. We're working on gas and miscellaneous expenses... well Nikki is actually, since I'm not making any money. Anyway, it's going to cost about $500 in gas to get down there. We have some of that saved. We have 28 days to go. Four weeks! Wow. I can't wait! Even Skylar said she can't wait. What a cutie. She turns four on May 17th!

My tattoo is on Saturday! (I wrote about it here.) I can't wait for that too! Nikki's worried that I might bleed too much (due to it being over my port wine stain birthmark... see that entry), or it won't come out good. Nikki is a born worrier though, while I am sometimes dangerously optimistic. I'm just excited and so looking forward to this. You can bet you'll read about my experience here, with some pics, of course.

As I mentioned earlier, I've been walking a lot lately. I've had some interesting experiences, that's for sure. Some guy kept honking at me in his SUV. He then turned around and followed me, and tried to turn into a parking lot that was up ahead of me. Traffic on the other side kept him waiting, and I passed the entrance to the parking lot before he was able to turn. He came out and tried to do it again at another parking lot. Same thing. Ha ha! He honked again and drove away. Thank goodness he gave up!

Oh, and some guy came up to me and shook my hand (!) and asked me if I had any cigarettes... or money (!). I told him I don't smoke, and nope, no money. I hightailed it away from him as he uttered some non-intelligible words in reply. Oy! What else? Some guy on the back of a garbage truck yelled out, "Shake it, baby!" Something like that. I had some girl smile and wave at me. Maybe she thought she knew me. But then another girl was just staring at me and smiling from her car. I wasn't even wearing my pride bracelet! And lots of men staring. And old ladies. I'm not sure what's up with the old ladies. Sometimes I enjoyed the attention (as long as they were in their cars and didn't start following me), and sometimes I felt kinda creeped out. Go figure.

I got this bag (from Xhilaration) to keep my water, cellphone, money and other stuff in while I walk. It kind of looks like this, only the strap is black as well. (Too bad, it looks nice with a pink strap...) I love it, and Nikki says it looks like "rocker chick." Or is that "rocker chic?" Before this, I was walking around carrying my jacket or a Wal-Mart shopping bag to put this stuff in when I didn't have any pockets with my outfits (which is 90% of the time). This is much much better. Cute and no hands required. Sarah and Savannah also got some bags, since they loved mine so much. Sarah got a denim hobo bag with a matching hat, and Savannah got a small green bag.

And that's all my news. I surely can't think of anything else. I'll probably post another "blast from the past" on Friday night, and then on Saturday night, the results of my tattoo. Wish me luck!

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First Professional Makeover (Blast From the Past Entry)

Wow. I'm reading this and remembering all the body hair I used to have. It wasn't a lot for a guy... but way too much for a girl! Icky. I'm glad all that is long behind me. It feels like a completely different life to me. And I really don't miss the breast forms. It's so much nicer having real ones!

For those who may not have read my past "blasts from the pasts," or don't remember, FemmeFever was run by one woman named Karen, and she did makeovers, photoshoots, and organized events and parties, both at her house and away. She was a doll, seriously, and we got along great. Eventually though, I distanced myself from them because I was often the one transsexual in a room full of crossdressers. Don't get me wrong, I was good friends with a lot of them, but it wasn't what I was about. I thought I was all about dressing and putting on makeup and such, and hey that's fun, don't get me wrong... but along the way, I found me. The real me.

At the time of this writing, I had yet to find her. But oh was I having a blast! Included are some of the pictures that were taken after the makeover.

October 7, 2002

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Today I had my first makeover by Karen of FemmeFever. It was just fantastic! I came with a bunch of clothes and some of my makeup, although she has plenty of both at her house. I actually met Karen a week ago, when I needed someplace to shave my hairy legs and torso. I was in a rush to do it, since I thought that I was going to dancing at Luxe in girl mode with Vanessa, and my mother took that week of vacation off. But it turns out it'll be going to Luxe this Friday. In any case, I shaved for 2.5 hours and ended up clogging up Karen's pipes. :(  I feel really bad about that, but she said it wasn't my fault, since she told me to shower rather than do it in a bath.

Anyway, she showed me how to do the eye makeup, which is by far the most intricate of all. She even shaped my eyebrows using makeup, which I don't think I'll bother to do myself, but it was interesting. I told her that I didn't like the shadow on my face showing, so she put red makeup on my face to cancel out the "blue" from the shadow. Then she covered it with three different concealers and powders. I can still see it a little bit though, so I won't bother with all that in the future. One concealer and one powder is good enough for me. Karen even showed me how to cover my birthmark. She used a green concealer to cancel out the red color of my birthmark, and then covered with two or three different skin-colored concealers or powders.

She made me look beeee-yoo-tiful! She took a photo shoot of me afterwards, and we ended up taking over 100 pictures. We took pictures with four different outfits: a short, green dress that was originally Christina's, a purple kimono-style dress that Karen has in one of her four (!!!) closets, a cute pink skirt and jacket that I bought at Rave Girl, with a stretchy white blouse, and...a thonged leotard that used to belong to my sister. (She threw it out, but I "rescued" it from the trash.) That was quite a risque outfit indeed!

Karen made me feel very comfortable in front of the camera, giving a lot of smiles and nice comments. I also bought breast forms from her (cup size C), and a bra to put them in. The bra has to be underwire so that they don't fall out. I had removed the wires from all my bras that had them, because...well, I didn't really need them (until now), it made them more comfortable. If only I had known. Karen also GAVE me a pocketbook, for free. (It would've been one of the things that would've been given away at the next house party.) It has special holders for two lipsticks, and a blush or powder compact. The breast forms felt weird at first, but after awhile, they warmed up from my body heat, and I almost forgot they were there. They're comforting in a way. When I finally took them off, it felt uncomfortable, as my real breasts had gotten used to the warmth and softness of the silicone.

So, Karen gave me a CD-ROM full of all the digital pictures she took, and I left her house while still in girl mode. I was wearing the green dress that I mentioned earlier. I went to Genovese and bought a few items, went to get gas for my car (I pumped), went through McDonald's drive-thru, and lastly, went into the women's room in Waldbaum's to get undressed back into guy mode. Nobody stared at me or seemed to "find me out," that is, except for two men at Genovese, and one on the road, but they were flirting, not laughing. :) So it was a great time! A few days later, I went back to Karen's to have her take a picture of me in guy mode. If you let her put the pictures on her public webpage (www.femmefever.com), as "before and after" shots, she gives you a $50 discount. So I did that, and while I was there I bought a pair of thigh-high stockings. Anyway, that was my makeover experience.

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