Life in Michigan (Blast From the Past Entry)

This was written about a month and a half after we moved to Michigan. Things still seemed good at this point, or that they would become good. Little did I know, I would never obtain a job here, in almost three years of trying. I've worked all my life, from 1988 to 2007, with only two or three months between jobs at times.

It wasn't long after this entry that we started having problems with the neighbors (people pulling knives on each other right outside our door!), and that Nikki's mother started sending Child Protective Services (and the cops!) on us with made-up stories, like we have the kids go out in the snow with shorts and a t-shirt and no coat on. I mean, what???

This is the last of my old MySpace blogs. I do have some more "blasts from the pasts" though. We'll be going to back to 2002 to take another look at how all this started... "finding myself," that is.



Wednesday, September 26, 2007
-------------------------------------
Current mood: excited

Nikki just got a job! She's working for the school district out here. She actually just left for her first day, about an hour ago! I'm so proud of her! She'll be working this Wednesday through Friday as a substitute teacher for a high school special ed class. Yay!!! She's so nervous, but I really think she'll do fine.

This is my first blog since I moved to Michigan. Everyone is wondering how I'm doing here. I actually do like it here at my new home! I love our apartment, and the neighborhood is really similar to Long Island. Some will think that a good thing, and some will think that's not so good. For me, it's good because I've lived on Long Island all my life. I think I need a little familiarity. It wasn't easy just leaving my job(s) and my friends and just coming out here. But I'm really happy. I'm with the love of my life, and I'm free to be me!

Skylar (our youngest) lives with us. She's 16 months old. The two older ones are going to be joining us as of December 3rd. The court ordered that they go through some kind of "adjustment period." I can't see how that's going to work. They were ready to move out here with us. They would've been starting school in the fall like everyone else. Now they will be going to school in New York for three months, and then being uprooted to a new school in December. Well, when they do get here, all this crap will be over with.

I haven't been on any interviews yet, but I've applied at a lot of places. I can't find any computer/IT jobs out here, but there are more of them in Detroit. Detroit isn't that far for a commute, but I have to fix my car first. I'm having a problem with the brakes. I think the rotors need to be replaced. I have to watch Skylar for a few weeks anyway, until Nikki gets her first check. We have no money right now for daycare or a babysitter. I don't mind though. Skylar is so adorable, and I love her like she was my own.

We found an LGBT center about a half hour from us, called Affirmations. This place is really big. It has three floors, with a library. It's the largest center of it's kind in Michigan, and one of the 10 largest in the US. I feel rather lucky that we moved so close to it. They have so many support groups and events going on there.

Did I mention I love our apartment? I love our dishwasher! We bought a computer desk and an entertainment center at a thrift store for about $30 each! We got a bunkbed from Freecycle for the two older kids. We also picked up an artificial Christmas tree already. We have three months to work on ornaments and presents (LOL). Our place is really starting to look like a real apartment now. We just need the rest of our stuff from the storage unit in New York. We need $800 for that. Ugh.

Anyway, we're really happy here. It's like heaven to go to sleep next to my sweetheart and then wake up in the morning to see her beautiful face. I can't wait to hear how her day went! In the meantime, I'm going to see if I can get another hour or two of sleep. If I can even relax enough to fall asleep. I'm so excited and happy for my baby today!

Currently listening:
What I’ve Done
By Linkin Park
Release date: 14 May, 2007

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Take Me Home

I'm going to try something new here. New for this blog, anyway. I'm going to try to upload a song (mp3), and have a player on here, with lyrics to read as well. I did this many years back on my MySpace blog, but many (or all) of you readers haven't ever seen that.

Anyway...

Last Saturday, I was walking my nigh-two hour walk, and listening to my iPod (how did I ever live without that thing?). A song came on that I hadn't heard in a long time, one I've always loved. It's performed by Donna Lewis (many of you may know that cheesy song, "I Love You Always Forever"), and it's called Take Me Home.

Donna Lewis

It really made me think of Arizona, as well as the love that Nikki and I share. I actually started getting all choked up and emotional, while walking down the sidewalk by a busy road. This song is all about starting over, "running with the rainstorms," and "leaving the meanness behind" that is life for us here in Macomb County, Michigan. How fitting. Now let's see if I can embed a lil mp3 player. Make sure to follow the lyrics below. I love Donna's voice, but she tends to murmur at times.

I've italicized the lines that especially rang a chord with me, though I love all the lyrics. (It's just that there won't be any snowfields where we're going!) If you wait a minute after the song stops, there's a little reprise on piano that plays for a bit. It's really quite pretty. Anyway, enjoy.  :)



Take Me Home

Here, I’m standing strong
I’ve made my choice at last
Forever

Here where I belong
With you my love, my friend
No other

Lost inside of you
I’m breathless, floating through

Take me home
We can run with the rainstorms
We can sit and stare at the world
Confess our secrets to mother earth

Home, down the new road of our life
Through the window of snow fields and happiness
A new you, a new me
Take me home

Now, I understand
The love we give away
We keep forever

Now, with tears of joy
I’m soaring free
With you, together

Lost inside of you
I’m breathless, floating through

Take me home
We can run with the rainstorms
We can sit and stare at the world
Confess our secrets to mother earth

Home, down the new road of our life
Through the window of snow fields and happiness
A new you, a new me
Take me home

Come, take my hand
My heart, my soul
Come to a place
Loved long ago

Come, take my hand
My heart, my soul
Come to a place
Loved long ago

Home
We can run with the rainstorms
We can sit and stare at the world
Confess our secrets to mother earth

And home
To the lakes of our childhood
We can leave the meanness behind
Under the sunset skies

And home
To the land of our loved ones
To a place where there’s a warm hand to hold
A wilderness unknown

And home
Down the new road of our life
Through the window of snowfields and happiness
A new you, a new me
Take me home

Come, take my hand
My heart, my soul
Come to a place
Loved long ago

Come, take my hand
My heart, my soul
Come to a place
Loved long ago

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Goodbye, New York... and... Grrrrr! (Blast From the Past Entry)

Yes, I haven't done a "blast from the past" in awhile. One might've thought that I'd run out of entries. Well, almost, and sort of. I only have one more MySpace entry after this one, but I've found a bunch of old looseleaf paper diary ones. Ones that I thought were missing forever. You see, I had typed them up into Word many years ago, thew away the original handwritten pages, and then forgot I ever did so. Ha! That's me for you.

Anyway, this entry is actually two in one. This was written less than a week before we left for Michigan. It's ironic, being reposted on the eve of our move to Arizona. I hope things will work out better than Michigan did! I'm reading back what I wrote, and I see that I had no idea what I was in for. So let's say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point. These entries also perfectly illustrate how crazy things were for Nikki and the kids back then. Thank goodness things are much more stable now. You'll see what I mean...



Monday, August 06, 2007
----------------------------
Goodbye, New York

Current mood: sick

Okay, I'm currently knocking on wood that Nikki's custody case goes well today. The odds are in her favor (okay, knocking on wood again!). If everything goes the way we want it to, we'll be leaving tomorrow afternoon for Michigan! Things didn't go the way we expected money-wise, so we can't get a U-Haul truck (or similar) just yet. $800 is quite an expense. We'll have to cram as much as we can into my car (which is just the trunk... we'll have two kids and a baby in the back seat). We will keep our things in storage like they have been, and save up for a truck.

I've come down with some sort of malady of late (okay, maybe I've been reading a lot of DragonLance, okay?). I'm not stuffed-up, I don't have a sore throat, I'm not nauseous (at least not yet)... I just ache all over. And I'm weak. I'm not looking forward to this 12-hour drive, even if Nikki and I will be swapping spots at the wheel. This is the third day I've been feeling like this, with no other symptoms. It makes me worry. What if I'm coming down with mono? Ugh.

I'm so excited to be leaving though! Away from my parents and Nikki's in-law's. We can finally make our own rules and to hell with them if they don't like it! (Can you tell I'm fed up with the way things have been going for... oh, the past half year?) The negative side of this is that I'll miss my friends. I have one friend who's decided to cut all contact with me. I'm not sure why this is, but I have a few ideas. It makes me sad though. There were a handful of others that I meant to get together with before I left, but money or time (or both!) just wouldn't permit. But I will be back to New York. After all, my stuff is here!

But this is farewell to New York. Farewell to Long Island. Farewell to my network tech job and farewell to my alarm company side job. Farewell to my friends... for now. Farewell to my family, unless they want to speak to me after knowing my "alternative lifestyle." Hello to my new life! I welcome it with open arms.

Monday, August 06, 2007
----------------------------
Grrrrr!

Current mood: sick

I spoke too soon. The court date has been postponed until Friday! My poor sweetheart has to go through this shit over and over again. This judge has to make a decision. How much longer can we wait in limbo like this? We have an apartment we don't live in, Nikki has a car she doesn't drive... and our kids are ready to go to Michigan. I heard her on the phone. Nikki said it's delayed until Friday, and I hear one of the girls in the background ask her, "Are we going to Michigan tomorrow?"

We're stuck here until the end of the week... at least. I already had my mail forwarded. I want out of here. I want them to stop bossing around my sweetie. I want the stress on her to end. I want us to get on with our lives. I want out of here!!!

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My DREAM car has been stolen!

[ Kesha - Your Love is My Drug ]

wuddup,

its sunday, my SPRING BREAK officially starts tomorrow! whoot whoot! haha... anyhu, so i haven't told'chall that thee bf JULS has returned his BMW 335i because his LEASE was up; the original plan was purchasing the vehicle. BUT whackkk ass BMW was being douche bags and aint trynna help wutsoever with the pricing. so he ended up returning that ride. i know, we had to HAUL-ASS and strip his entire whip down to the very Carbon Fiber 335i Stickers that was inside his car. hah! i know right, he manage to do all that shit within 1 week before he had to turn that car back to BMW. back to the story, so he been on a HUNT for a new whip. he was suppose to stick with bmw, was kinna lookin into the 135 White w/ RED interior; but that DID NOT HAPPEN. we got to talkin and i mentioned to him my dream car which is the Lexus ISF a.k.a the M3 KILLER :) then he was just hearing me out, what got him THINKIN was when we stopped by my sister's place to visit my baby nephew Evan... him and my sis&Sam (sister's hubby) got to talkin, to get their advice and suggestions/inputs on a ride he should get. cuz both my sis&Sam's career involves cars. the sis is Finance Director for Acura vehicles and Samson is the 'GREASE MONKEY' (you can say) for Lexus Vehicles. what happen was IRONICALLY they both threw in the idea of Juls gettin a ISF. so... in the end... MY DREAM CAR has been stolen... HRMPH! but its okay tho, i get to ride in it like almost all the time. hahha... fashooooo. but still ): pooey! so he got his car officially on Wednesday 03/24/10 and he washed that baby on Friday. btw, Juls&i came up with a name for her :D her name is: ILLIANA aint that a sexy ass name?? we both was like; yea. make u wanna just bust a nut in yo pants. fashooo. here are a few quick photos of Juls washing Illi.



here's this lil kid washing Illiana, its like a baby with his candy. look at this nigga cheesin.my baby washing my baby, got baby on baby ACT-SHION goin on here. he got her nice and wet.i think this is the ONE TIME i am JEALOUS of Juls. haha....Guatemalan wash service package running for $49.98 LIMITED TIME OFFER! get'chur vouchers now!!!gotta love them both. but i love Illiana more. HAH!







- LOVEVA<3

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More on Arizona

I can't wait to get out of here. Michigan, that is. We're supposed to be leaving on May 27th, after Nikki cashes her check that would be coming in the mail that day. Or at the latest, maybe the 28th, to get an earlier start on the highway. Either way, I wish it was time to leave! I'm so ready. People here are just rude. If Arizona is at least as friendly as Long Island (New York) is, then I'll be very happy.

Nikki is always having problems at work, with people staring at her and giving her dirty looks... for no darn reason. She's been so stressed with all the bills, worrying whether we'll have enough money to get down there, and tired of taking care of the finances all by herself. I wish I could help, but I have no job... and I haven't had a job since I moved here in August of 2007. Nikki just found out two days ago, that they're going to be laying off HALF of the subsititute teachers working for our county school district. Seniority rules, and she's only been a sub for two and a half years. More and more, it looks like we're making the right choice in moving.

We've been trying to get our brains around how we're getting all our animals down there. We have one cat carrier, and we need to get another. Then we have three rats, three mice, and a White's treefrog. We suppose we'll just put the rat and mouse cages on the passenger seat and floor of the U-Haul truck, and the kids can hold the cat carriers, or put them down on the floor at their feet, in our car.

Sarah is especially thrilled with having unlimited time on Nintendo DS. Her and Savannah both got one for Christmas. We've been limiting their time to an hour a day. On the trip down (approx. 24 hour drive, split into two days), they get unlimited time. Good way to keep them busy and focused on something other than asking every ten minutes, "Are we there yet?" Unfortunately, Skylar will be much more idle. Maybe we'll give her a big coloring book and some crayons, which she'll drop every few minutes and whine until one of her sisters picks it up. Other than that, I don't know. Ideas, anyone (cheap ones)?

There are a lot of wild animals down in Arizona that we're not accustomed to, such as rattlesnakes, scorpions, and tarantulas. I am a bit concerned about these animals being around, but I really hope that there aren't any skunks. We didn't have them on Long Island, at least not in the four different towns I lived in... so coming to Michigan was a shock. Those things can be a half mile away and still make your nose want to commit suicide.

Someone had told me they were concerned about Mexican gangs in Tucson. The south side of the city is a particularly bad area, but these gangs are supposedly all over the city. I asked two other city residents, and they said that there are gangs in most US cities, and they're not worried about them. They usually just go after each other and leave other people alone.

A friend of a friend likes to go mountain biking. I've never lived in a place where mountains are nearby, so mountain biking has quite piqued my interest. Tucson is a very bike-friendly city in general, so mountains or not, biking sounds like great fun, and a nice alternative to walking.

Some interesting facts, most of which are taken from a website called The Pepper:

MSN named Tucson as the fifth best place to live in the US, as well as the fifth best place for outdoor activities (walking, hiking, and mountain biking, yay!). It was voted "friendliest city" by Conde Nast Traveler magazine, and Bicycling Magazine said it was one the three best cities for cycling. Tucson was named as the healthiest environment for women, by Self Magazine. Forbes said it was # 20 of the best cities for jobs. Prevention magazine and the American Podiatric Medical Association ranked Tucson as # 9 for cities that are best suited for fitness and walking. Criteria include crime, mass transit, air quality, and the number of historic sites, museums, parks and gyms each city has.

If you're still reading, then kudos to you. You're either very patient, have a lot of time on your hands, or are interested in Tucson like I am. Comments are welcome no matter what the reason. Thanks for tuning in!

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How to Lose Five Pounds in a Day!!!

Vomiting and diarrheah. And no, it wasn't purposeful! I caught something really nasty from Nikki, who in turn caught it from Skylar, who in turn caught it from one of her classmates, three of which had been throwing up that day. Beautiful.

On Monday afternoon, I felt a little pre-nausea (like, "I'm going to get nauseous soon? I hope not!"), but I figured a bottle of water and some fresh air would do me good. So I went for a walk. It wasn't actually that cold out, low 40's maybe... but the wind was blasting in my face the whole time, and wow... I had to turn back and go home. My 90 minutes of walking turned out to be more like 20 minutes. I got home and broke out into a sudden sweat. Then I felt a knot in my stomach. Oh boy. Nikki had just been puking her guts out the day before, so it wasn't hard to put two and two together. By the time the kids got home at 3:30 PM or so, I was throwing up.

I threw up eight times, and had the runs all throughout. A few times I had both puke and diarreah simultaneously! (I know, this is an icky entry.) I ask you this: Why must I always vomit so violently? When Nikki ran to the bathroom the day before, it just came out. And no, she was never a frequent vomiter. With me, it's all gagging, gasping, moaning, trying to catch my breath... it's just too much.

So I was dozing between "bursts," shall we say. The kids kept telling Nikki to help me, as if there was anything she could do. Everyone said it sounded like I was dying. I've never thrown up so much, at least not that I can remember. I threw up five times when I was 18 years old. I had a 12 ounce bottle of Coca Cola, emptied half and filled the rest with whisky. Wow. I had Metallica's "...And Justice For All" playing. To this day, if I hear "Harvester of Sorrow," I almost feel like puking. It's such a shame since I love that song!

So anyway, things finally subsided into the occassional diarreah episode. Savannah threw up once during the evening, and Sarah said her stomach hurt. I tried to sleep, but my body wouldn't let me roll over. That is, I was stuck lying on my back. My least comfortable position. If I would roll to either side, I would get a big wave of nausea. My back was starting to hurt, but I was too weak to sit or stand. Eventually, by the time Nikki was asleep, I could roll onto my side. Sleep ensued.

I heard giggling and yelling, indicating that the older two were up and about. Was it time to get up already? I put on my glasses to look at the clock, only to see a big blur. What happened to my glasses? Or worse, my eyes?!? Oh. I fell asleep with my contact lenses in. Glasses off. It's 2 AM! Sarah was coloring or drawing, and Savannah was running around and making monster noises. They got punished, and they went to sleep. No rest for the wicked. I took two Immodiums and went back to sleep.

I woke up yesterday (Tuesday) and felt okay, just a bit weak. I gave the kids their breakfast, got dressed, and walked Skylar to the bus (which comes right to our apartment, thankfully). I got changed back into my nightie, and woah... the room starts spinning. She just can't do it, Captain! She don't have the power!

Back to bed. I woke up feeling better, and got Skylar back off the bus. Nikki came home around 3 PM and we went back to bed for a couple hours. Nikki still wasn't at 100%, and she worked that day anyway. I was very comfortable in bed next to my baby. We woke up to make dinner. Ugh. I felt worse than when I went to bed. My shoulders and neck hurt so bad. (They still hurt as I write this.) No wonder, all that puking. I didn't realize that at first.

So now I feel much better, except for the shoulder and neck pains. And I lost five pounds. I know I'll gain at least most of it back, but maybe my body will "forget" a pound or two. Maybe my stomach will have shrunk to where I can eat smaller portions without being hungry afterwards. Maybe...

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Goo Goo for Ga Ga

[ After School - Because of You ]

sup sup,

alright, so today i decided to do a tutorial; but had no idea what to do. so i went thru my 'LIST' of 'to-do's' ppl had requested or suggested i should do. i notice i havent done a look by the INFAMOUS Lady GaGa yet. so of course i chose that sexy beast as my inspiration for today's tutorial. if ya'll havent seen the video yet, CLICK HERE to check it out; so ya'll have an idea of the video. but here are some of the photos i took from the video and including my results to this look.

ITEMS USED:



BROWS_

MAC - CARBON



EYES_

TF - SI

BEAUTIES FACTORY 120 PALETTE

+ DARK SILVER

+ WHITE

+ BROWN

+ BLACK

MAC - BLACKTRACK

COVERGIRL - LASHBLAST

DAISO - #7's



LIPS_

NYX E/L - BLACK PENCIL

NYX - HESTIA here she was on the phone with them diet COKE cans in her hair. that shit is just crazyyyy, its insane what a mind can create. damn she just has that look to her that makes her so sexy aint it? i LOVE how dramatic this wing'd out eyeliner is, i think its fcukin anal rape hot. her lips are indescribable, on the reals; shit is on fire literally. bitch in a jail cell home and still manage to dance with just a thong on with her CHEEKS showin. dont give a fcuk, put it ALL OUT there to prove she aint a dude. no dick plz.

damn i can't get over how crazy these lips are; the combination is DOPE like COKE. alright, for the ones who DON'T like Lady GaGa what so ever, well then; just bounce. lets not stirr no drama up in my blog now. keep it clean people.

i hope ya'll liked this shit as much as i did. if you didn't well somethin is WRONG WITH'CHU. why the FCUK u on my page then. might wanna get it check out before you start sniffin' better start stabbing. yadig. until next time. *deuce deuce* be safe, dont get raped.





- LOVEVA<3

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Adventures in Wal-Mart (Starring Amy and Nikki)!

Right after I wrote my last blog entry, like less than an hour later (seriously), we lost our internet. That bill caught up with us again. So I'm writing this in Notepad, waiting to copy/paste it into my blog.

Well, I brought you up to date on my life so far, in the last entry. I did leave out something for another entry. Despite all the stress, arguments, etc., Nikki and I can still have a lot of fun. And Nikki is extra-fun when she gets tired! If we go out in public somewhere (like Wal-Mart in this instance), then hilarity often ensues.Read on...

Some female in another aisle yelled to someone else (rather loudly), "I love you!" Nikki yelled back, "I love you too!" This is when I usually try to hide. I said, "Oh my God, hun!" Nikki copied what I said, word for word. A man was in the aisle with us, and then he said, in a voice that couldn't have been his real voice... maybe a cross between Yoda and Arnold Shwartzenegger, "Oh my God." We laughed and skedaddled out of there.

Then Nikki was trying to decide between buying canned white corn, or yellow corn. With her head cocked to one side, she said to a woman passing by (and this was not said seriously), "What about you, do you like white corn or yellow corn?" The lady responded most earnestly, "Oh, yellow corn. Most definitely, I love yellow corn." So I'm pretending to clear my throat to cover the laughter now. Nikki had to switch gears and talk seriously, and tell the lady thank you. It's not that she likes to start trouble with people, it's just that when she's really tired, words come out of her without her brain having any say-so.

Okay, I have another. I was determined to get Canada Dry ginger ale. I've been craving the stuff lately (that and the 7-11 chips with chili and cheese... I know, bad Amy). They didn't have Shweppes, and Vernor's is nasty, I don't care what anyone says. I see two bottles on the very top shelf, all the way in the back. Even if I could climb that, I couldn't reach into those little ramps. There was one bottle in two different ramps, and that was all Diet Canada Dry. Yechhh! These ramps are tilted so that when you take the bottle in front, the rest are supposed to slide down. Well, these two rebel bottles didn't slide. I tried to see if I could push them forward from the next aisle, but then I couldn't tell which bottle was which. I could only see the caps, and I couldn't reach them anyway. So I decided to go back to the bottles and try to scale the shelf. I wanted my Canada Dry! Nikki tried to hoist me up, and well, she succeeded, but she goosed me as well! One hand was almost in my crack (imagine if I was wearing a skirt or something?), and the rest unintentionally groped my ummm... goods. So we proceeded to broadcast all this to the entire aisle, which was quite packed. She gave me a broom to wack the bottles into falling forward, while holding onto the shelf (Nikki's hand now removed from the between-the-legs areas), and I was able to grab them. Time to hightail it out of there again.

In general, people stare us down if we walk around holding hands or with my arm over Nikki's shoulders, etc. This is to a much greater degree than in New York. People are so rude here. The men just gawk like some monkey, and the women try to look without actually looking. It's actually quite funny, when it's not downright annoying. Nikki has a habit of saying hello to these people when this happens. On this particular visit, she said to this one bald dude, "Hey, how are ya doing?" He looked quite alarmed, then looked away and started walking away from us faster than he had been. It was hilarious!

So I hope some of this amused some of you. It may be a "you had to be there" kind of funny, but hopefully I gave someone a chuckle. Thanks for reading!

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