Strength

I just read an email that made my week. It brought me full circle... perhaps even closure. But first, some history is needed to give you, my readers, a peek at why this had such an effect on me.

I've been continuing to get ahold of some of my old classmates from high school. Some were nice to me back then... some not so nice. Those who've been following my blog for some time, know that I had a horrific time in high school. I was female, yet living in a relatively small male body. Getting through the day was a major undertaking. One of the biggest bullies I had to deal with, was someone I'll just call L.

Lunch period in ninth grade was a nighmare. I sat by myself at the only table that didn't seem to be "owned" by a pack of high school kids. People came and went, and there wasn't too much trouble. One day, L, his girlfriend S, and a bunch of other kids sat down.

They wanted the table. They wanted me gone. Spitballs were flown, insults were hurled, and threats were wielded. L's poor girlfriend never said a nasty thing to me, and sometimes she was his target as well. Sometimes they would argue, and sometimes it would look like she was trying to crawl inside her own skin and hide there. They badgered and harassed me, and sometimes even tried to reason with me, in their own twisted way.

I refused to move from the table.

I stayed there all year long, and near the end of the year, they finally gave up and sat somewhere else. Strength or stupidity? Well... that's not all.

In my Business Dynamics class, the one and only class I shared with L (thankfully!), he swiped the glasses right off my face. He ran around the classroom with them, holding them just out of reach. Without my glasses. I can't see crap. Things that are 20 feet away, look like they're 1100 feet away... and underwater. Try as I might, I couldn't grab them from him.

My poor eyesight didn't stop me from landing a punch right to his nose.

He then pushed / threw me into a standing cabinet, and my head cracked the wood where it hit. He bragged about that over and over, but it was a weak piece of wood... and I came away looking better than the cabinet. The teacher then entered the room, and the incident was over.

He threatened to beat the crap out of me for months after that, but he never did. Did he sense the truth? Did he know that even if he beat me up, broke bones even... that I would not give in? The next time I hit someone, was almost three years ago, when defending Nikki against her ex-husband (in this entry). I'm not a violent person by any means, and these were the only times that I've seriously hit someone else.

A few years after I graduated high school, I was at a hotel that was hosting some kind of college class celebration. I went to the bar to get a drink, and there was L. No insults or threats this time, but still the same condescending demeanor. He bragged about making big bucks in the landscaping business, while I was off wasting time in college. I got my drink and I bade him farewell.

A few days ago, I found S (his old girlfriend) on Facebook and I sent her a message. I found out that he was a real controlling scumbag, who would stalk her... and even have his friends stalk her. We wrote a couple times, but her email today really made my week. She said that I wasn't at all the only one he bullied, and in fact, there were many victims. But what she wrote here really astonished me:

"You are probably the ONLY person that I can say didn't back down to him and his friends and stood their ground. You have overcome so many obstacles and facing them was probably the beginning of your true strength emerging."

I'm so proud of me right now. Thank you so much, S! I had to take the names out because she was afraid this entry would be seen by him, even though she hasn't seen him in almost forever. Well, I can say, S... that my old name is nowhere on this blog, nor even my full current name. A Google search will not pull up this entry, or any others. We're both survivors, and both have quite a bit of strength. Thanks again!