Savannah, My "Middle" Daughter

Since much of Sarah and Savannah's experiences between meeting me and moving to Michigan with us was the same, I'm going to duplicate quite a bit of text from Sarah's entry, and post it here. For those who've already read that entry, you can skip the blue text. Original material is in purple, as usual.

Savannah was born on July 30th, 2001. She's Nikki's second daughter. She was spared a lot of abuse from her father, perhaps because she was his favorite. I'm not sure. He still verbally abused her, and she was witness to much of the abuse that he heaped on Nikki and Sarah. She was a very easy-going child from the start, and she loved the quiet moments, and to be left alone for long periods of time.

I met Savannah in November of 2006, not long after I met Nikki. I showed up at the apartment one day (when her father wasn't there, natch), and her and her sister, Sarah, both made me drawings. They were full of smiles and they were both so sweet. Nikki had told them that she was in love with Amy, and that they were going to be living with mommy and Amy, but they would still get to see daddy. They seemed fine with it, but they had no idea the kind of hell they would have to go through over the next year. I still feel so bad that they had to go through all that.

Savannah in 2001, a few months old.

On January 30th, 2007, their father punched Nikki while I was there. His mistake, yet they paid for it. I attacked him, practically jumping on his back and pulling him away from Nikki. I heard them screaming and crying, but I had to protect my love against this monster. Nikki called the police, but she didn't press charges, and they really did nothing, since his brother is a policeman as well (which he made sure to tell them). We then took them to a motel and stayed there overnight, without notifying him. We showed up at court the next day, and so did he -- since the police had tipped him off that that's what Nikki said she was planning on doing. Nice one, guys! The scene at the courthouse was like something out of a Lifetime movie. Nikki's mother-in-law was trying to get them to come to her, but we wouldn't let them, since him and his mother were always threatening to take the girls and fly them back to his mother's home in the Philippines. That was so confusing for them.

Nikki was trying to get a "stay away" order of protection against her husband, but since he showed up at the same time, he filed it as well. The judge gave them a standard order of protection, that one would not harass or abuse the other... which basically amounted to nothing. Nikki had no choice but to take her and the kids and go into a safe house for abused women and their children. Naturally, I couldn't go with them, but I spent the time alone trying to find an apartment for us. Sarah and Savannah really hated the safe house. The staff there was not friendly at all. They were all kicked out a month later.

Savannah, 2003. I'll let you figure out how old she is here.  :P

Nikki and the kids got on the wrong bus after visiting me at the local mall for a few hours, and ended up in Queens (many miles from where they were supposed to be). The safe house personnel couldn't (or wouldn't) assist them, so I had to get them and drive them back. I dropped them off down the street, since I wasn't supposed to know where the safe house was. They kicked her out anyway, and I held all of us up in motels for the next two months. The school bus would come to pick up the girls at the motel. We were waiting for Social Services to help us with the first month or two of rent for an apartment.

They strung us along for months, and then pulled out.

Nikki then took the kids to Michigan to stay with her sister and her sister's family. Her sister kicked her out after two days, when the kids' father called up, threatening her.

Nikki took the kids to stay at her father's house. Her husband was threatening to put out an Amber Alert for the kids, even though he knew exactly where they were. Nikki had to come back to New York.

Hanging from the monkeybars in 2004.

The kids stayed with their father and their grandmother (Nikki's mother-in-law) while court proceedings were underway. Nikki and I got an apartment in Michigan, and then came back to New York a few days later. The kids got to talk to a lawyer appointed to them, a psychologist, and even the judge himself. I don't know what the kids told them exactly, but their father ended up on a national child abuse list because of it.

Near the end of the summer, the final decision was reached in court. The case was dropped, and Nikki would get to have the kids come to Michigan with us in four months. Why four months? Well, it was a real bonehead decision. They stayed with their aunt to make a more gradual transition towards living in Michigan, and living with two moms. There was no transition. Nobody back in New York said a thing about Michigan or having lesbian parents. They started school in September, and were uprooted in December. They were living with us in mid-December, and they started over at the public school here. They both started child therapy. Sarah was put on medication for anxiety and depression, and Savannah, for ADHD.

Savannah in her dance outfit, 2004.

They both had a really hard time adjusting. Life is really different here than in New York. None of their father's family were here, which was all they knew. Life was a bit stricter, yet more structured, than what it was in New York. Nikki used to be away at school and work a lot, and their father and grandmother just let them eat whatever they wanted, and however much they wanted. They were both overweight, especially Sarah. We broke it down: Breakfast at 8 AM (on weekends, otherwise it was at school), lunch at 12 noon (ditto), snack at 3 PM, dinner between 5 and 6 PM, and dessert at 7:30 PM. They're not allowed in the refrigerator without asking (though they often "forget" anyway), they're not allowed outside after dinner on a school night, and they're not allowed to play too far away from the house. They don't like the rules, but that would be so would any kid. This home is a safe, loving one... not the abusive, chaotic, hurtful one they had been in.

Last Summer, they stayed with their father and grandmother for a month. We knew it was a bad idea, but we had to prove that he really couldn't be a good parent to them. They missed their medication at least half the time, stayed up until 11 PM or 12 midnight every night, and were back to eating extra-sized meals and numerous snacks. It took quite awhile to get them readjusted to the rules and the way things are done in our home.
 

Savannah, 2006.

 
So who is Savannah? When she isn't spazzing out due to her ADHD (which includes being noisy, rowdy, and having trouble paying attention to anything we say), she's such a sweet girl. She's really outgoing and fun-loving, and just wants everyone to love each other. She has to hug both of us goodnight, and say "I love you" to each of us before going to bed, going to school in the morning, or going outside to play. If we don't answer her right away, she yells over and over, "I love you, mama! I love you, mommy!" She's plays quietly by herself at times, which seems to be an oddity in this household. She's more of an inside person than her sister (especially during the winter months), and she's much more of a girly-girl.
 

Summer of 2007.

 
She's very good at math, unlike Sarah. They're just starting to teach multiplication tables in her class, but Savannah is practicing double-digit multiplication at home. Sarah is a gifted student, but Savannah has more of an aptitude in math. When I met her three years ago, Savannah followed her sister's lead with almost everything. "I'll just have whatever Sarah's having for lunch." Now she often makes choices separately from Sarah, and sometimes it seems like she deliberately chooses something else. I'm so glad she's asserting her independence, but sometimes it can get difficult. With Skylar allergic to anything with tomatoes, I really don't want to end up making three different meals!
 
Sarah and Savannah alternate between getting along and hating each other's guts. "I'm never going to play with you again." Never equals an hour or two. Normal sister stuff. However, Skylar and Savannah always seem to be at each other's throats. I'm always tearing the two of them away from each other. From the very start, Savannah has had difficulty realizing that Skylar is a baby, and the same rules don't apply. Jealousy? Middle-child syndrome? I think so. Savannah just has no patience for her.
 

Christmas, 2007... right after they came to live with us in Michigan.

 
She's much more accepting of me and Nikki's relationship. She doesn't care who knows that she has two moms, and she's seemed to embrace the whole situation from day one. She seemed to idolize me in the beginning, and she would stand next to me in front of the mirror and brush her hair like I was. When her grandparents forbade me from going in their home (back in NY, when the court case was underway), she went outside to sit with me while I waited for Nikki, telling me, "If you're not allowed inside, then neither am I." I loved that, though I hope she wouldn't get scolded for it.
 
She needs to carry something around the house and to bed. No, it's not a stuffed animal. She calls it a "blankie," but it's actually one of Nikki's shirts. It can be any shirt which has been worn by Nikki, so that it'll smell like her. She will not go to sleep without it.
 

Face painting at a school carnival in Spring, 2008.

 
Savannah is much more adaptable to change than both of her sisters. Things just seem to roll right off the kid. Don't get me wrong, she has her weepy moments and her bursts of anger (yelling and talking back to us), but these are few and far between. When her meds are working, she's a pretty mellow kid.
 

Savannah with Sarah, October, 2009.

 
That's my Vannah and I love her.  :)