Reminisce the infinite faces of Eva

[ Omarion - Ice Box ]

so i finished my homework early, i'm still stuck in the old schedule before this daylight savings. so you can only imagine how awake i am (what a surprise). i was going through some of my photos deleting what i don't need nor want to keep anymore. i came across my picture folder of all the looks i did in the pass and how i went thru so many looks. i like the variety. so here ya'll can check it out. hopefully this will give an idea of what looks i was aiming for and what type of shit i like. i'll put it in the best order as i can remember. see how i mature or improve on some points. lol. let me know wut'chall think? and which one is ya'll favorite. my phases thru life:

yea... i admit, i rocked that side ponytail before. hah!

and knockers... -_-*

i rocked my 7's to the fullest, they are so fcukin beat up now... sighs... i would love to copp a new pair, and let these retire.

i've always kept my hair long cuz when i was a kid my moms never let me grow it out. so 4 sure i grew my shit out for a looong looooong time :D

before eyeshadows came into my life

slowly learning how to use eyeshadows, maybe you cant tell in this photo but i DO have a bit of naturals goin on. hahha...

this was my 'dress up' look. hahaha... whackkk i know.

and i STILL have this shirt too.

i started to go thru a phase of hair dyes. lol. a bunch of colors. first it was dark red...

then as that shit faded, i went to my favoritest purp

shit started to fade... so i dyed it hot pink one time.

that didnt last... faded to a nasty orangey red. blahhh. shit had to go! this is before i chopped off all my hair!!! btw, no foundation!!! the good old days.

but i did love my rihanna inspired hair + a little bit more spunk. the hot pink was so VIBRANT, i was in love with it for a while. it was my 2007 new years, new look for the new years.

Outter corner smokes w/ bright lips.

surprisingly the color stayed pigmented for a long time. i say approximately 4-5months! crazy i know right.

as the color fades, my blending starts to improve =]

i said bye to the faded hot pink and hello to highlights.

my signature look: Mermaid Eyes

Tiger inspired eyes

Golden purple

Nyx products only

a touch of blush + brows only

Corpse Bride Halloween 2008

i kept my hair short for a bit

SKETCH as my featured shadows

New Years 2009

i was diggin this hat for a minute, especially during the colder days & nights we have in the city.

4th of July Inspired '09

Watermelons ;]

SF Giants game!

my NATURAL feel days, i dont always feel like wearing colors.

when i feel colorful somedays

Stila's Smokey Quad (hair starts to grow slowly)...

my go-to brown smokey

Peacock inspired

L.A. Colors Naturals

Frrrresh out the oven highlights :D

usually when u have chinky eyes like me u have to rock the thick eyeliner

Cotton Candy inspiration

my lazy non pigmented naturals days...

my MORE pigmented natural smokey browns days...

japanese inspired

Watermelon re-do

custom quad shadows i put together, similar to my signature mermaid eyes look.

smokey prunes and browns

over the holidays of 2009

Lunar New Years, this is by far my favoritest out of all the looks i have done.

Valentines, typical smokey brown because thee boyfriend loves it most. he likes it when i look like your typical HIN Asian girl smokey brown look if i were to wear makeup. might as well, whatever turns the nigga on i guess. haha.

Flower inspired: Lillies - Stargazers my favorite

Kat Von D inspired, fashoooooo.

and NOW, Megan Fox inspired with the darker lipliner and nude lips. her signature look. tad bit thicker brows than my usual.

that is all. well that is waaaay enough already aint it? hah. i'll do this type of reminisce again maybe 5 years later tho. i hope u guys enjoyed my journey here. until next blog. i shall ttu then! toodles! *deuce deuce*

- LOVEVA<3

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Arizona... Or Bust?

Yes, I need to blog more often. When I'm not busy doing things like laundry at Nikki's father's house (until 12 midnight!), I'm feeling so laxidasical that though I think about blogging quite a lot, yet do nothing. As I mentioned in my last post, I was struggling through that entry quite a bit.

So, what's new? I colored my hair again (see above). I used a very bright red color this time, namely L'Oreal Feria Power Reds Ruby Rush. Now that's a mouthful! Nikki put it in for me again. She's such a good wifey. I wish I had taken a photo after I first had it colored (unlike the photo above, which was taken a week later). It was such a bright, light red, my goodness! I didn't think it complimented my skin color or vice versa. But after washing it twice, it faded (yet deepened) to the color you see in the picture. Now I really love how it looks on me. I'm wearing more red on my lips, as it just goes together so naturally. So it looks better after a few washes. Go figure. Anyway, I really like it and I'll be using more of it.

I started walking again. Yes! Over the winter, I got back to 162 pounds, ugh. From 148. Seasonal depression + availability of comfort foods = NG. I want to lose 20 pounds before summertime. I walked for an hour and fifty minutes on Thursday, and then an hour and a half (to therapy and back) on Saturday. Unfortunately, it started raining right after I left our apartment complex on Saturday, and then on the way home, the rain had lessened, but it started getting really chilly. I thought of calling Nikki to pick me up from therapy, but then she would have to drag the kids with her and all that, plus I wanted the exercise. Surprisingly enough, I didn't get sick!

I was wearing these tights on my last walk that aren't really like tights. They look like thin leather pants but they aren't leather, nor do they feel anything like it. They feel soooo nice though. I begged and pleaded Nikki to get them for me (LOL). They were completely soaked when I walked into therapy, and my legs were freezing. Before the session was over, they were dry and my legs were nice and warm. I'll have to get a picture with them on.

Speaking of my session, last Saturday was my first free therapy. (No, I'm not telling anyone who this therapist is, nor how to contact her!) I'm dealing with a lot of issues, such as not working, and sometimes being accused of being a freeloader; no real social life; seasonal depression; neighbors who I despise for the most part, and sometimes fear; missing the privilege of just being able to buy something I want without begging (see previous paragraph); and a bunch of other things that I'd rather not mention, actually.

What happens to me is this: One thing goes wrong and I get upset. Grrr, grrr, you know... nothing major (or so it seems). If something else happens within the next half hour or so (even something minor like a fork getting suck in the dishwasher), I fly off the handle. I throw the fork into the sink in a rage, breaking a glass and sending shards all over. (This is both an example, and something that really happened.) The rage dissipates fairly quickly, and I sob deeply for about ten minutes straight. This has happened about five times in the last month. I initially wanted to blame it on my Provera, which is a progesterone supplement, but as you can see here, I started it in the beginning of January, and I started having these moods over a month later. I mean, it could be possible... but I haven't heard of anyone else having such severe mood swings due to this medication.

Speaking of therapy, I went with Sarah to her therapist (along with the other two), and we all went in the office and talked. Well, Skylar played with trains, but she's three years old. Sarah talked a lot during the session, which is really different for her! She would usually just shrug or give one syllable answers. She actually knows now (or at least she's finally admitting) that she acts out because of something she's mad about and holding inside. That is the first step! Knowing that, "Yes, I am doing this and it's not good," and, "I know why I'm doing it." Yay Sarah! Self-awareness is the key to happiness, that's what I think. Or at least one of the keys. A healthy environment helps too. We gave her the latter, only she can achieve the former, with help of course. And you know what her therapist said to me? She said that I'm a very calm person, and I make her feel calm when I come in her office to talk with her and Sarah. Hmmm. Nobody has EVER said anything like that to me. I make Sarah's therapist feel calm? How odd, but cool, no?

What else? How about my cover story? Okay, title story. We're still looking at moving to Arizona, and I'm looking forward to it more and more. Alternatively, I am pretty darn scared of moving there. I mean, sure... brand new beginning and all that. A place I've never even come close to visiting. Summer clothes every day, no more cold feetsies and chattering teeth. But what if I can't get a job down there either? What if Nikki and I fight a whole lot, and we're not happy together anymore? I could chalk it up to simple fear of the unknown (which is most certainly a factor), but Nikki and I have been having problems lately. Fights, arguments, and all that. We may be only having trouble because of all the stress and hardship lately (by the way, we got the money from my mother and now we're in no danger of being evicted, yay!). Maybe it'll all slowly fade away in Tucson, and I can work again, and feel like a real member of society. Maybe I'll become as strong a person as I was before I left New York. Anti-social feelings gone for the most part, and the strength to be me without caring an inch what others think. I hope so. I dearly hope so.

For some reason, I find myself thinking of the trip down there very often, and looking forward to it. Yes, all 2000 miles of it. I picture it starting out (in mid-May, which is our schedule) with humid and somewhat hot temperatures, then gradually becoming hotter and less humid, as the hell that we've known (which is otherwise known as Michigan) fades farther and farther behind us... as we emerge from the dark clouds around us... and into the sunlight.

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Baby EVAn is here!!!

[ Tae Yang - Wedding Dress ]



greetings kids,

as some of ya'll know, my NEPHEW Evan Thomas Truong is finally here!! but if the rest of you who doesn't know...well...follow me on twitter and you would've known!!!lol. but damnnn, time flies!!! i swear shit felt like it went in super warp speed and *BLOOP* out he comes. but this nigga... is sooo fcukinnn cute tho. on the reals. damn. cant believe my older sister has TWO kids now, aint that some shit. i am really happy for her tho all shit aside. i love my niece & nephew. i love the fact that i'm a YOUNG AUNT. fashooooo. hahha... here are a couple photos of this little peanut!



anywho, for now... imma cut. i'll blog next time! stay beautiful ya'll! *deuce deuce*



- LOVEVA<3

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Emotional Rollercoaster

My day has been quite hellish, culminating in a talk with my mother a few hours ago. I haven't spoken to her in over a year. I should start at the beginning, so...

My regular readers will know that Nikki broke a rib about five weeks ago. Because of that and a few other things, we've fallen two months behind on our rent. I mentioned in my next-to-last post that we have an eviction notice dated March 5th. Yes, that's tomorrow.

We applied for State Emergency Relief (SER), and the worker said she didn't think it would go through, but she would try anyway. I called this Community Action Center, but they said they needed the denial letter from SER in order to help us. Which would arrive by mail. Sooner or later.

I'm actually struggling to make it through this entry. I feel like I don't have the energy.

So we cried, and held each other. Nikki called her father, and he said he could take the kids into his home if we lost the apartment, but he'd have to think about taking Nikki in. His own daughter! And then she called her sister, who yelled at her. She even called her ex, who was too busy painting his brother's apartment to care for a minute what happens to the kids.

I started looking up churches and charities in our county. I have a stack of papers all printed out and ready to call tomorrow morning. Nikki asked me something that I was trying not to think about. Calling my parents (namely my mother, who seems to be the only one who answers the phone). I called and left a message, explaining our situation, and that she didn't have to help us, that I would understand.

I got a call back about 15 minutes later.

To make a long story short, my mother said she would help us. My parents would send the full amount, which is well over $1000, by express mail, which should arrive on Friday. D Day.

To make a long story, uhhh... not so short, my mother started by reprimanding me for sending out the Christmas cards with the family photo (see this entry). She kept saying that I was putting everyone in an uncomfortable position, and they didn't know how to act. I told her that I sent them a card. They could act any way they wanted to, and I wouldn't have seen it. She did seem to concede that fact. It's not like I called them and said, "How do you like my new name?" That would be beyond awkward.

She also seems to think that while I understand and accept what I'm doing, the rest of the world does not. Hmmm, well I guess you good readers don't live on this planet then. Well, who needs it anyway?

So I pointed out to her that that just wasn't true. She asked me who would accept this? I told her, "My grandmother, and my cousins Deanna and Candice." She said, "Oh thanks, really nice!" I replied, "Hey, you asked, and they are fine with me, and we keep in touch." She then proceeded to rationalize (ala denial) that my grandma just wants everything to be hunky-dory, and my cousins want to use me as leverage with their family problems. That just made no sense to me at all, so I didn't even go there. Especially the part about my cousins... I mean, leverage? How?

I told her that I didn't want to make everyone upset, but I want to keep in touch with my family. I mean, how long will it take for them to want to talk to me again? Forever? So yes, I said all that, and my mother seemed to soften then. She told me not to send any more photos, and to sign the cards with my "real name," as she put it. (Yes, she knows I had my name changed.)  I might cool it with the photos for a year or two, but the second bit of advice is a no-go. Not only can I not stand anyone calling me by that name (and I've stopped telling people what my former name was quite awhile ago), but to send a letter or card signed in such a way, would only confuse the issue. I can just hear it now:

"Doesn't he know who he is?"
"Why can't he... or she... make up her, uhh his mind?"
"Did he change his name back now?"
"He or she doesn't really know what they're doing and who they want to be!"

Nope. Not doing it. But I didn't tell my mother that. I just "yessed" her to death. There was no point in deliberating any further. To her credit, my mother wasn't overly mean, and she was actually understanding when it came to our money and rent situation. But as far as anything having to do with my "change," so to speak: "How could you do this to everyone?" Same song as the one she sang back in 2003, when I told my parents I'm a transsexual. She sang that song a few more times between then and now. Time to learn a new tune, ma.

What's most important to me now is Nikki and the kids. I can't imagine my life without Nikki. It scares the hell out of me. I've been forced to consider it lately, and that doesn't put me in a good frame of mind. We've been growing closer and closer since last Summer. I'm not sure why, we just have. Maybe the joint therapy sessions really helped. Nikki has been fighting it, which is something she admitted a week or so ago. That explains the fights and the mood-changes. She doesn't want to fight it anymore. It hurts both of us. She's just scared. But who could blame her? She's had such a rough life, from an abusive mother to an abusive ex, and the rest of a family who really seems to care about nobody but themselves.

But I can't help any of that. All I can do is be her present, and her future. All I can do is love her now, and for all my days to come.

And oh, do I.

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I Made an Interactive Fiction game!

Yes, it's true! Though it is a preview of a game, there's quite a lot of playtime to be had. I actually entered this game in a competition in 2009 (called The Spring Thing), and won third place (though there were only four games competing, d'oh!). I programmed this game using a relatively new interactive fiction making system called TAB.

This has been what's taking up a lot of my time lately. I recently re-released this game with a bunch of enhancements and bug fixes.

Some of you may not know what Interactive Fiction is. Well, the old-fashioned name for a game like this would be a text adventure. The most famous Interactive Fiction games released are the classics released by Infocom, such as Zork, Planetfall, and A Mind Forever Voyaging.

Here's an excerpt from the manual I made for my game:

Interactive fiction can be considered a game, as well as a story. The best ones are like a well-written book, only you get to interact with the plot and influence the path that the main character takes. An interactive fiction game will describe something, like a location or some kind of activity going on, and then it will wait for the player to type in some kind of action, in the form of a command. Think of the locations in the game as scenes, the items as props, and the characters as, well...the characters.

Like many works of interactive fiction, this is a turn-based game. This means that the game will wait indefinitely for you to tell it what to do. If you're in the middle of being attacked by some monster, and you have to stop playing to use the bathroom or something, you will still be alive and at the same point in the game as when you left. There is no need to "pause" the game when you have to stop for a little while.

However, keep in mind that whenever you enter a recognized command into the game, things will always change. For one, the game keeps track of how many turns you have made so far. Secondly, characters may come and go as they please, making their own moves during the turn. Some will probably continue to attack you if they're already doing so, and some may perform other miscellaneous actions of their own, which may or may not have anything to do with you.

Most IF games have the following actions that can be taken: Getting items, dropping items, taking an inventory of items that you have, looking at things, saving and restoring game files, fighting or talking to characters in the game, reading signs, notes, books, etc., moving from place to place (usually by entering a compass direction, such as north, south, east or west), and opening or unlocking doors.

This is a screenshot from my game. Click to enlarge!

Interactive Fiction games usually have no graphics or sound, just text. The difference between my game and others like it, is the fact that it has sounds and music.

Some of you may have played games such as the one I made. Some not. I think the more geeky of you will appreciate it. Just a fair warning: This game is pretty gory and nasty with some of the descriptions, and you'll die often, so save the game whenever it seems like a good time to do so.
 
The game is for Windows (98 and beyond), but you can play it on the Mac, with Parallels Desktop (if you have an Intel-based processor), and you can play it on Linux, with Wine.
 
This is a video narrated by my friend, Omar, illustrating how the game runs on a Mac using Parallels Desktop. Once you get it running, it's identical to running it in Windows:  



Creating this game has been an amazing outlet for me. The creative aspect of my brain enjoys plotting the game. What do I want to happen? What do I want this character to say? Where is the game going? The puzzle-solving aspect of my mind enjoys figuring out how to make my plots and plans a reality.

If you feel like trying out this game, go to my other blog (yes, I have another blog!) here: http://amethystgames.wordpress.com/

You can jump right to the page with the download links here: http://amethystgames.wordpress.com/92/

If you try it out, let me know how you liked it (or disliked it)!

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