Recent Events

Things have been going much better with Nikki and I. We both have our baggage. Sometimes my baggage sets off her baggage, and then her baggage gets my baggage even more set off. This begs the question, "How can we get rid of our baggage?" After all, it's easy enough to do at an airport, without even trying!

Seriously though, I went to therapy with Nikki yesterday. We saw her normally scheduled therapist. What we basically found out near the end of the session, is that we both prefer different levels of closeness and attachment. (Pssst! I'm the one who likes to be more attached!) What happens is that I get very enmeshed with Nikki, and prefer to share every little aspect of my life with her, and vice versa. Nikki prefers more freedom, so she tends to get freaked out at times, and can somewhat forcefully define her boundaries. "I'm not telling you that." "That's none of your business." This gets my paranoia sparked, and I'm wondering what shocking thing is going on that she can't tell me. I start feeling that she isn't telling me because I'll be very upset to hear this oh-so-secret thing. So then we argue, and I spend some time feeling upset - which I'm perfectly entitled to feel, but Nikki tends to feel guilty and pressured, and sometimes she even assumes that I'm not feeling this way, that this is all an act to make her feel guilty. Certain people in her life have been manipulative and controlling in the past, so she's used to having to deal with this behavior. Sigh.. relationships can get so complicated at times.

I'm still not talking to the former friend I mentioned here, nor do I expect to any time soon, if ever. I did block this person, finally. I felt a lot better once I did. Nikki even said in therapy that this non-friend is completely wrong about me. This person has quite a bit of baggage as well, and hey, three is a crowd.

DISCLAIMER: This shouldn't be necessary in this day and age, but it seems like it is. Wicca is a very gentle religion, based on worshiping nature, in the form of a God and Goddess. Wiccans don't all wear black, can't turn into animals nor turn you into one, they have nothing in common with Satanists, and there are no sacrifices or harm to others in any way. "An' it harm none, do what thou wilt," is the Wiccan Rede that they all follow. Any deed you commit (good or bad) will return to you threefold. Many in the LGBT community have joined Wicca and other Pagan religions, as there is far less (if any) discrimination based on sexual orientation. Gender identity is still an issue with some covens (small groups of worshipers), but it is still a much more open-minded path for people like me. END DISCLAIMER.

A week ago, I had the privilege of meeting a Wiccan coven, right here in Tucson. They are called Desert Henge Coven, and I met four of the coven members at a coffee shop about eight miles from our apartment. There were two women there as well. One of the women was interested in being handfasted on April 1st, of all dates. Her fiancee is not religious at all (atheist or agnostic, I forget which), but she is Wiccan. So he's basically humoring her with the whole ceremony. He didn't want a lot of "god mentioning," and so forth. The coven was willing to work with this, but just to a certain degree. It is a form of ritual, after all, and how can one hold a ritual without mentioning the gods at all? There would be no point to the entire endeavour. By the way, the high priest did tell us that he is an ordained priest (an ordained Wiccan priest, mind you!), and he helped to make handfastings legal in Arizona. You can get be handfasted and end up legally married when all is said and done.

Anyway, they got on to talking to me after that. The "Introduction to Wicca" classes don't start until late March / early April. I thought it would be a lot sooner than that. (Waaaah!) Well, it does give me a chance to research and learn quite a bit on my own. (Right now, I'm reading Raymond Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft.) I will most likely not be joining this coven, since they are Gardnerian Wicca. This is a very popular tradition (and many claim it's the only true form of Wicca), but I'm beginning to notice some of the symbolism of the male organ, and also of heterosexual sex (the wand going into the water to symbolize the guy's thingie going into the woman's hoo-dad...). Ummm, no thanks. Anyone is welcome to take their classes, even non-Wiccans, so I figure that will be a good starting point. Then I'll see what Dianic Wicca covens there are around here. Those are female only covens. Some are lesbians, and many (if not all) are feminists to some degree. While Gardnerian worships the God and Goddess equally, Dianic Wicca focuses on the Goddess.

I'm sure I've lost a bunch of you by now. For the rest: I'm so excited about these classes! I've been agnostic all my life, and it's about time I found my way. With both therapy and religion to focus on, I'll have plenty of outlets for my energy, besides just Nikki. I think it'll be good.