Lindsay Lohan To Be Charged With Grand Theft

One would think that if a person spends enough time in jail and in rehab, then sooner or later they should be able to re-enter the outside world with a pretty good sense of what was belongs to them and what doesn't.

I mean, tough people are in jail, right?! That's where they live! Have you seen that show on A&E called Beyond Scared Straight? Yes! Jail is full of roughers and toughers! In Beyond Scared Straight, the girls and guys who are in prison for life take it upon themselves to SCAAAAAARE troubled little kids (who beat their moms and skin cats to make yoyo covers) into getting their acts together so they'll stay AWAYYYYY from jail by saying "YOU WANNA BE LIKE ME? I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU COME HERE SO YOU'LL NEVER BE LIKE ME!" Right, so if that's what jail's like, AND THAT'S WHAT JAIL'S LIKE, how come Lindsay Lohan can't get her shit together enough to take a $2,500 necklace off of her neck before she leaves a store in Venice, California? Oh, right. Because even though the state of California considers her a criminal, they don't expose her to real prison life because even though she commits the crimes that violent people commit, a cell in general pop (that's an abbreviation for "general population," everyone) is too dangerous for her celebritydom! So they keep her in ad seg (administrative segregation), where she never learns how stealing hinders one's efforts to keep one's arms attached to one's body. 

Seriously, A&E isn't just good for documentaries that chronicle the life of a huffer that's narrated by Meredith Vieira!

But anyway, it seems like Lindsay Lohan has learned nothing from any of her experiences behind closed doors since today, she's being charged with felony grand theft for supposedly "stealing" that $2,500 necklace. She plans to plead not guilty to the charges and even if she didn't intend to "steal" anything, the court plans to enter into evidence the almost half a million dollars worth of things that she's taken from photo shoots, NYC nightclubs, and from friends. So that's bad. If she's convicted, she could be sent to California State prison, where she'll do whatever it is she does in place of learning lessons.