Meet Rachel, a Transgender Child

I've been very privileged to meet some transgender children since moving to Arizona. Today I'll talk about one of them. Her name is Rachel and she's nine years old. Despite having short hair (I'll get to that), she looks like a girl, and acts like one. If you saw the attitude, the spunk, that this girl gives off, well you should not doubt for a second that she's indeed female. Her mother's name is Amy (Love the name! Ha!), and she's simply a fantabulous mom, not only to realize who and what Rachel is, but to allow her to be who she wants to be. In this day and age, when parents still pressure their kids to take on a certain profession, this is simply amazing.

Savannah, Rachel, and Sarah.

I got a chance to play a sort of bodyguard for Rachel twice already. The first time was when I met them at Venessia's house, mother to Josie Romero, another transgender child. There was another mother there with a FTM trans-child named Emerson. We were all swimming in a community pool (well, okay, I was the only ADULT in the pool), and Rachel was in the deep end, and too tired too swim. I dragged her over to the side, and almost went under myself in the process! My oldest daughter, Sarah, took to Rachel immediately. Savannah really likes her as well. Skylar had fun playing with Rachel's little sister, Zoey. They're less than a year apart in age.

Last weekend, me, Nikki and the kids had the pleasure of attending a party for Zoey's 5th birthday. Great fun was had by all, though there was one little episode at the playground that really hit home for me. I was playing with Skylar, who was pretending to drive her "truck" to the grocery store and McDonald's. I overheard one boy tell Rachel that she's a boy, and he was calling her by her old name. I told him to knock it off, that Rachel is a girl, and you're going to hurt her feelings. My older daughters made me so proud. They told him that Rachel was born as a boy, but she's a girl inside, and it's what's inside that counts. I wanted to cry. (By the way, though Nikki and I have taught them about transsexuals, they haven't been told that I can be counted among their number. Baby steps, baby steps...) I asked Rachel if she was okay, and to not listen to what the boy was saying. She just shrugged it off and said, "Yeah, I know." If she was upset at all, she sure wasn't letting it show. I've felt from the start that I want to protect Rachel. She may not need protecting, with such a wonderful mom, but she reminds me of myself, who I could've been at that age. I wasn't allowed to be who I wanted to be... who I desperately needed to be.

Rachel and Skylar, beautiful girls both!

I can identify with both Rachel and her mother in two very basic ways. I still wish to this day that I had a mom or dad (hey, how about both?) who were even half as understanding and accepting as Amy is. I can only imagine what it must be like to attend school as a girl, to be accepted for who I am, not some caricature that I had to invent just to survive. As far as Amy, well... I have an ex who will not let me see or talk to my daughter because she noticed certain things about me while I was transitioning to live full time as a woman.

Nikki and I were talking with Amy, and what she told me almost brought me to tears. I didn't admit to it at the time, but I was almost speechless to hear what Rachel has to deal with. She has visitation with her father every other week, for five days out of that week. This man flies into a rage if he sees the name "Rachel" on her homework, or if anyone calls her by that name. He insists on her getting her hair cut short like a boy, almost to the point of it being a buzz cut. In effect, she is in a prison when she's with her father. I feel so bad for her, and I can only imagine Amy's anger and frustration at not being able to help her child for that period of time. There is a custody case building up, and Amy's ex will be trying to discredit her by saying that she's confusing Rachel, endangering her life, and using her for some sort of revenge against him. Rachel has tried to reach out to her father again and again, but he misses the point entirely, each and every time. He says that the whole "Rachel thing" is Amy's way of "getting back at him" because of issues causing their failed marriage. His own parents have tried to explain to him that this child is female.

Skylar (what a face!), Sarah, Savannah, and Rachel.

Why is it that children can understand what adults can't? Why can my daughters understand that Rachel is a girl, but her own father can't? I'm asking these questions, but I know the answer. Prejudice and bias. At some point, we grow up and think we know everything. We make opinions and they rarely change. We try to simplify our life by thinking of everything in terms of black and white... right and wrong... male and female. A male could never be a female, and a female could never be a male. End of story, ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom. WRONG. Wake up, people! Listen to what your kids are telling you. Hell, you might actually learn something. If Amy and Venessia can do it, why can't other parents? Can you love them enough to simply listen, to reach beyond what you know and understand, and love them for who they are... not who you want them to be?

Sarah and Savannah up top, with Rachel chillin' down below.

Rachel attends school as a girl, she has crushes on boys, and hey... when she puts her hand on her hip and says, "I get to stay up until NINE o'clock," well... wake up and smell the perfume.