I have a lot more transgendered readers on this blog than I did on my old MySpace blog (where this post originally appeared). There are many of you who have heard words like Jim's at one point or another. Agnostic or not, I believe that religion should never become a means to judge or vilify others.
If you really want to get into this, there are plenty of links that Jim and I swapped back and forth. I've taken the liberty of identifying the links that don't work. I've also added a bunch of pics having to do with the religion vs. lgbt issue. This is quite long as it is, so I'll end the intro here. As always, comments are more than welcome.
Friday, June 01, 2007
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Current mood: devious
This is rather long, but I think that anyone living a life outside what the bible says, will get something out of this. This is a bunch of letters back and forth between a friend (former friend?) and I. If anybody does read the whole thing (or what the hell, even just some of it), please leave a comment. I would love to know what all of you think about this.
I'll be off the net from 2 PM today until Tuesday morning, so I'll approve any comments when I get back. I'm off to Michigan to sign the lease on an apartment, where I will be living like total blasphemous heathen scum. I'll be in NY for two more months, and then I'll be moving up there for good. Anyway, without further ado...
PS - My messages are in purple, whereas Jim's are in red. The red that stained the cross and... well, whatever.
Hey Jim,
Do you recognize me? If so, you'll be shocked shitless, I'm sure. If not, well I'll have to give you a hint. I do look a bit different in my photos. If you're not too freaked out to write back...then...write back. Ha ha!
- Amy
PS - I actually lived in East Massapequa for the month of January. Long story. I'll be moving to Michigan in about 3 months. Even longer story. I'll tell you next time I write (if I hear back from you). Until then...
Hi Amy!
Yes, I'm afraid you will have to give me a hint. I looked at your profile, and saw that you graduated Centereach High school the same year I did, so I know where you know me from. So I searched through all the photos in my high school yearbook for someone named Amy, and the only one I found was an Amy Levine, and you don't look anything like her.
Yes, please give me that hint. You have got me intrigued, now. I'm dying to know!
--Jim
Hi Jim,
Wow, you have no idea at all. Well, I'm not what you're expecting. I hope you won't be upset. From what you put on your profile, you seem to be not too tolerant of people like me. Please remember that I was always your friend.
I'm torn over whether to give you a hint, or just tell you. Okay, we played D&D together a few years back, and I had shorter hair. Most people were not calling me Amy at the time, though I was already in the process of getting to the point I'm at now. That should do it. If you're still not sure, I'll just tell you.
I'm moving to Michigan in 2 or 3 months, with my girlfriend. She's running from an abusive soon-to-be-ex-husband. She just drove up there & is in the process of getting a teaching position and an apartment for us. I'm saving up some money & getting things squared away before I go up there myself. I could tell you more, if you care to know at this point.
I apologize if I've freaked you out. This is just the real me. I hope to hear back from you.
- Amy
Hello (male name deleted)!
Yes, I know who you are now. After I sent you my reply last night, I perused your photos first. After looking at your facial features, I thought to myself "No way! It couldn't be!" Then I read your profile, and much of what I know about you was right there in your profile. Slowly but surely the realization fell upon me like an anvil from the top of the Sears Tower. And your reply confirmed it for me.
Honestly, to say that I am freaked out is the understatement of the year. In all the years I've known you, I had NO clue that you had such leanings. Even looking back, I cannot see anything that indicated that you wanted to live such a life. I never in a million years thought for one second that someone like you (Slayer fan, horror movie fan, death metal fan, etc) would ever turn this way. You were so right--I am completely shocked! (Can you blame me?)
Let me say though that I hold no hate or animosity towards you. I am in fact tolerant of people like yourself--but I also strongly disagree with such a lifestyle. What is it about being a man that you have come to despise? You are still a man, you know! And there is NOTHING wrong with being a man. It is who you are, dude!
As you can well imagine, I have quite a few questions for you, so here we go:
Did you get hit on your head with a sledgehammer? Who or what told you to stop being a man? Who or what inspired you to choose this way of living?
How long have you felt this way? Have you felt this way since high school, or was this more recent?
I have to ask this--are you pre-op, or post-op? Did you have "it" cut off? If not, are you planning on it, as well as having anything else (breast implants, estrogen shots, etc) done to you?
Does your family know about your lifestyle choice? If so, how do they feel about it?
I'm sure you don't care what your ex thinks, but what about your daughter? Have you considered how confusing this will be for her?
How long have you been living this way? When did you first become "Amy?"
Do all of your legal documents (Driver's license, Social Security Card, etc) have your new name?
Do you also have a different last name, or is it still (last name deleted)?
Is your girlfriend a woman--a REAL woman, I mean?
Since you're attracted to women (real women, I assume) anyway, why not just embrace your manhood and just be a man?
That's all I can think of right now. If I have any more questions, I'll certainly ask you. And again, I hold no hate towards you, even though I strongly disagree with what you're doing. But understand something:
1. It's going to take me awhile to get over this shock of the year.
2. You will always be (male name deleted) to me--and that is how I will always refer to you.
Please feel free to tell me more.
--Jim
Hey Jim,
From all the questions you've asked (darn, and none of them are multiple choice!), I predict this will be a long letter. (LOL)
No, I don't blame you for being shocked. In some ways, I do embrace things that are considered to be predominantly male: D&D, horror movies, death metal. But then again, plenty of females like those things as well. I had to hide my liking of anything that would be considered female. I had a hard enough time in school as it was! I fooled you and everyone else into thinking I was male in every aspect. Hey, I even fooled myself.
This may come as more of a shock to you, but I am male only in my physical aspect. My mind and soul have always been female. Estrogen was applied to my brain as a fetus, and testosterone to my body. They're supposed to match, and my mom being under a lot of stress at the time (my dad just came back from Nam), probably had to do with this birth defect. You can't change the gender in your brain, you can only alter the body to match it. Believe me, it took a long time and a lot of hardship for me to come to terms with who I really am. I only fit into the male role by copying what other males did. It was just never a part of me.
I know there's nothing wrong with being a man. There's nothing "wrong" with being either sex. I'm just female inside. And inside is where it counts. Our bodies are just shells. I got the wrong shell. Nobody and nothing told me to "stop being a man." I just eventually came to the conclusion that I'm not one. As far as "choosing this way of living," this is not a choice that I have. Well, maybe it is, if you consider it a choice to be happy. I would be miserable if I stayed the way I was. So there's not much of a choice there. Hey, I don't want to be transgendered. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! (Well, okay, mayyyybe I would, hehe)
I always felt that something was off. I wanted to do things that a young girl might, and was told no. Children don't question in the same way we do, so I was programmed what to do, and what not to do, in order for people to not have a problem with me. From high school on, I thought I was a crossdresser. It was only back in 2002, when I separated from Christina... that I finally focused on me and began to read up on transsexuals. I thought they were all like what you see on Jerry Springer or Rocky Horror. I was surprised to find that the vast majority of us live normal lives... in the role that we were always meant to be in, the role that matches the gender inside us.
I am pre-op, and yes, planning on surgery. I've never had shots (hate `em!), but I take pills of estrogen, and a testosterone blocker. I've been taking those for almost 4 years now. I have had laser hair removal on my face, and then followed up with Electrolysis. I still have some hair there, but the shadow is gone.
Men usually have a harder time than women, in understanding transgendered folk like myself. "Why would a man want to cut THAT off???" Well, just picture a girl with that there. Hey, that girl doesn't want that there, right? Don't look at it from a male perspective. I don't.
My family isn't too thrilled, and not all of them know. I do my best to get them to come around, but it's an uphill battle all the way.
Right now, there's nothing confusing about this to Brittany. Kids are very accepting at her age. I'm sure she'll have questions and concerns in a few years. Right now, the last thing she said about it was, "Okay, you're my daddy, being Amy." Then she kissed me goodnight. But I know she'll have a problem with it later. All I can do is explain it to her as best as I can, and reassure her that I'll never stop loving her, and I'll never leave her.
I came out to my friends first. I moved in with a friend back in 2004, so I was living as a woman at home and with my friends. At work or around my family, I tried to hide it. Now I've come out to my part-time job. They all got memos and they call me Amy now. They get the pronouns right about half the time. I was about to start the process with my full-time job, but now with me moving in a few months, I can't justify putting them through all the work, telling everyone and changing everything to "Amy."
I will be starting the name change process in a few weeks. I need $210 for the index number from court. I hear it takes about a month to process. Then I'll go to the DMV and get a license with the new name. They'll even change the "M" to an "F." I'm changing my last name, since my mother doesn't want it to be linked back to the family. Also, I recently found out that I do have a distant cousin named Amy, with the same last name as me.
My girlfriend is a born woman. She's Irish, German and Cherokee Indian. And beautiful! :D She's probably the only one who understands me for who I really am.
Don't get sexual preference confused with gender. All human beings have 3 separate aspects: physical sex, gender, and sexual preference. The first two almost always agree. Lucky me is one exception to that. The last is usually for the opposite sex, but not always. Observe:
Jim
---
Sex - Male
Gender - Male
Sexual Preference - Female
And then there's me:
Amy
---
Sex - Male
Gender - Female
Sexual Preference - Female
As far as how you refer to me, please respect the fact of how I wish to be addressed. If you simply can't write "Hi Amy" at the beginning of a message, for example, then just go "Hi there" or something. I understand that is how you know me and still see me. But I don't want to be addressed as (male name deleted) anymore. That's why I'm changing my name, after all. Making a mistake and forgetting is fine, but deliberately disregarding how I wish to be called is another thing entirely.
Yup, my prediction was right. This is one long-ass email. How are you doing, by the way? What's new with you? I hope you have a good night. I'm off to snooze-land now.
- Amy
Hey!
I read your message with great interest. And I want to respond to the things you said.
You say that your mind and soul has always been female. I have never seen that expressed in you in any way, shape, or form. I don't mean that you didn't talk with a lisp, or talk like a black woman, or say the word "fabulous" a lot. I have always identified your inner person as a guy. I talk to girls and I talk to guys, and your inner person did not come across as feminine in any way to me. Perhaps it was because you were putting on an act, but it didn't seem that way to me.
You say that you fit the male role by copying what other males did. Well, what guy doesn't! That's how guys learn to become guys. The same way girls learn to act like girls is by seeing what other girls did. It's how we learn to identify with our sex. Now you may have felt like you didn't measure up as a man. It's not unusual to feel that way. I've felt that way many times myself. It's kind of like Catherine Zeta Jones feeling like she is an ugly toad, even though others look at her and think she is incredibly beautiful. So I would ask you, what exactly makes you think you're not a man? You told me about estrogen going to your brain and not to your body. Do you have any medical documentation on this?
You say that you wanted to do things a young girl might want to do. Like what kind of things? When I was little, I played with my sister's dolls, and even played Barbie with her (not all the time, though--I still liked boys' toys). Yet, in spite of that, I didn't feel like less of a boy. I suppose I was curious about them. Mind you, I didn't do it anymore from age 9 onwards. That was when I discovered electronic games and Star Wars action figures--and of course Atari.
You say that you don't want to be trandgendered. Well good news--you don't have to be. More on that later.
I am aware of the difference between sexual preference and gender. I studied that sort of thing in college. I remember when I was in the city, I saw the "12 tribes guys," (the black guys who claim to be the real jews and preach hatred towards white people--they dress like Old Testament Israelis. Maybe you've seen them.) and I actually heard one of them say that whire people are all homosexual by nature. I remember thinking to myself, "Well if that's true, then I guess I'm a male lesbian." LOL!
I should also tell you that even after the surgery, you will not truly have a woman's body. Although you may have the appearance of a woman's body, it will not truly be one. All you will really have is a man's mutilated and hormonally altered body. A woman's body also consists of ovaries, a uterus, and mammary glands, and you won't be getting any of those. Your "vagina" will not function as a real one does (e.g. get wet on its own during arousal). You will not menstruate like a woman (some may call that a good thing! LOL!). You certainly won't ever get pregnant. Your breasts certainly won't be real. Think of it like a white man painting his skin black to look like a black man. He still won't have the other facial features or physical characteristics that a black man has, so he will still stand out.
Please understand that I tell you these things as a friend, not to put you down. I also want you to check out this article by a man named Sy Rogers. He also has a DVD that I would encourage you to check out. Here are the links to his article and the DVD:
Article:
http://www.lastdaysministries.org/articles/themaninthemirror.html (broken link)
DVD:
http://exodusbooks.org/Books/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=2&products_id=38
Check this out as well, just as a matter of interest:
http://www.becomingreal.org/articles/dev2.htm (redirects to another site)
I hope you will check them out, and consider them. Please read the articles, and if you can, order the DVD. I know you are an agnostic, but keep an open mind and check them out--especially the article by Sy Rogers and his DVD. He was a pre-op transgender, so I am certain you will relate to much of what he writes.
Let me know your thoughts. I'm praying for you.
--Jim
Hi Jim,
There is no need to pray for me. I am just fine. Of course you never saw me express myself in a feminine way. I never expressed myself as female in front of any men, and most women as well. I was indeed "putting on an act." I became very good at it. I had to. In fact, sometimes I found myself talking the way you do. I would use words that you do, and speak with a similar accent and intonation. It was very subtle, and I only noticed this about myself when listening to tapes of my radio show. Throughout the show, I would start to sound just a bit more like my guests (friends) that I had with me: Chris, Eric (he was from the midwest, and I started to talk with his accent without realizing it!), and Jim (it was another Jim who came to my show). After hearing the way I sounded, I became more aware of it. I tried to stop it, and I eventually did. It's hard to quit a habit that you perform subconsciously. I was copying off of males, in order to be accepted and safe.
Only those that I was extremely close with (girlfriends) saw the real me. Even then, it was hard for them to realize and understand. Because I was raised as male, I was convinced for about 30 years that I was one. It takes a long time to break out of the programming that society puts you through (though of course it isn't their fault, I looked and sounded like any male would... it was only my actions and personality that differed).
I never felt truly male. It isn't just that I'm not living up to the expectations put on males... I am not male inside. I never felt comfortable with being male. I copied things that males did, but I never felt it inside. It just wasn't me. You said: "It's how we learn to identify with our sex." I copied off of males, but I never identified. Never. I was doing what I had to, in order to avoid getting the crap beat out of me every day.
Yes, I played with dolls and hung out with the girls crowd in grade school. I can count on one hand the number of times in my life that I have peed standing up. I have no interest in cars, and the only sports I might watch are gymnastics and ice skating. I always seemed to understand and empathize with women when men just couldn't. I have always been shy and quiet, because I never felt right in a male's life. From 10 years old or earlier, I was interested in women's clothing and makeup. I had no male idols, rather females were who I chose to idolize. I could go on and on. It isn't just one of these things that are telling of my condition, but rather all of them combined. I should have been born with a female's body. In fact, perhaps I almost did.
My legs and behind have always been very feminine. I have heard this from every girl I have been with. I'm 5'5" and have a small build. I think I would have been born female, but something went wrong along the way. Somehow testosterone got thrown into the mix and my pre-birth development went awry.
I don't have any medical documentation. It is a theory that is widely supported, backed by my own beliefs and the knowledge of who and what I am. Religion is based on belief. You don't believe in God because there is documentation of God. You just know it to be true. I know myself, and I know what is true within me. I don't have to prove myself to anybody. There's no need to. I know who I am, and what I want out of life. I am much happier and much more at ease with my role in society. This is a good thing for me. People I don't know see me as female. It's hard for me to blend in as a male now (nor would I want to anyway). I do very well out there. I can be wearing just a t-shirt and jeans, and have no makeup on, and be called "ma'am" or "miss."
I used to be very apathetic towards my appearance. I never felt bad about myself, but I just didn't care. I was out of sorts all my life. Now since I have found the real me, I have lightened my birthmark and fixed a protruding incisor (I called it my "fang" and I had it since my pre-teen years). I drink 64 ounces of water a day. I take vitamins every day. I take care of my skin, hair, and health. I went back to school (this was back when we dissolved the D&D group), and set myself up with a career.
You say my breasts won't be real. I already have them, and they are real. Yes, they are shaped like any woman's breasts would be. They are b-cup size, and I don't stuff with tissues or wear padded bras. They are somewhat larger now than what you see in the photos on my Myspace profile. Not having ovaries or menstrual cycles is fine with me. I don't want any more childen, and I'm never going to complain that I don't get a period. Many women are not capable of bearing children. Many have to have their reproductive organs removed because of cancer or some other illness. They are still women. Oh, and I'm altering my body, not mutilating it. Also, there is a surgeon who has recently found a way to make the vagina "wet."
I will always be transgendered. Even if I decided to forget all this and go back to a male role in society (not happening, by the way), I would still be transgendered. Transsexualism isn't a way of life or the manifestation of the decision to live in a different gender role... it is a bonafide medical condition. And yes, that much is documented. The cause is theoretical, but the diagnosis is real.
The BSTc region of the hypothalmus is bigger for females than for males. They have performed studies of the brains of transsexuals (after death, of course). Their BSTc regions are identical to those of females. What is not known, is if their brains are always this way... or changed due to so many years of hormone therapy. It's very hard to find a transsexual who has both never been on hormones and is deceased.
I couldn't relate to the Sy Rogers article. He speaks of being molested, his mother's alchoholism and her death. I went through none of these ordeals. I was brought up in a stable, yet strict, environment. I also never had any homosexual ideations. I always had a wish to be female, from an early age. Sy Rogers didn't wish for it until dropping out of college after two semesters. I don't get the "chromosome tests" that he mentions. Of course, testing the chromosomes of a biological male would only prove that he is... biologically male.
The other article pertains to homosexuals only. While I do consider myself a homosexual (for liking women while also being a woman inside), I don't think that is in the same way you look at it. In short, I'm not attracted to men.
I thank you for the debate. It has sparked my reasoning, and I am glad to express my point of view. However, I don't need saving. I'm doing just fine the way I am. In fact, I have never been better.
- Amy :)
Hi!
Hmmmm---you give a lot of interesting retorts.
Well, I am glad that you checked out the articles I sent you. It shows that you have an open mind.
Do something else though--contact someone at the following websites, and tell them everything you told me. I'd be interested in knowing how they respond.
http://exodus.to/component/option,com_frontpage/Itemid,1/
and especially check out this one, and contact them:
http://www.realityresources.com/ (broken link)
This is a link to a book written on the subject:
http://www.realityresources.com/towardwoman.htm (broken link)
I realize that you are admanant on what you want to do. But check it out anyway, and contact the two organizations, and tell them everything you told me. See what happens. Couldn't hurt!
Oh, I forgot to ask you--how did you find my MySpace page?
Hi Jim,
Sorry, but you're more interested than I am in hearing what they would have to say. You would have to be, since I'm not interested at all. What would be my motive for contacting them? If you want to hear what they would have to say, cut and paste my messages into an email to them. You could say, "My friend wrote all this, what do you think?" If they write back, feel free to send me the response. It's just that you have the motivation to do this, and I don't.
I found your Myspace page by doing a search for your name. I had no intention of contacting you until I decided to. I don't want to think that I deliberately set out to shock or upset you by contacting you.
Anyway, enough about me. How have you been? Are you working? Going to school? I see you live in Massapequa Park. How did you end up there? I hope everything is going well for you. :)
Take care and talk to you soon...
- Amy
Hi!
I just thought maybe you might be interested in reading about those who were in your situation--especially the second link (reality resources) I sent you.
Okay, how about just checking them out? You don't have to contact them if you don't want to--but why not just peruse the info? The gentleman in Reality Resources has been where you are. He even posted pics of himself when he was a transgender. You may find the info quite intriguing.
I've lived in Massapequa Park since August 2002. I answered an ad for a studio apartment, and I got it. I'm currently working at a Dave & Buster's as a server. But I am trying to seek a better career for myself.
Anyway, take care! And as I said, at least check out the websites I sent you, and see what it's all about.
--Jim
Hi Jim,
The reality resources links do not work. Give it a try and you'll see what I mean. It looks like the page was removed. I couldn't find transgendered folk mentioned in the other website you gave me a link to, that exodus thing. If you have better links, I'll check them out.
I'm sending you a friend request. I'll understand if you don't wish to accept it. If you want, I'll add you to my preferred list for my blogs, in case you want to read them (the private ones have to do with the transgendered issue). I'm going to be posting a letter I sent out to fellow employees a few weeks ago. Yes, they call me Amy now at work, and they actually get the pronouns right half the time.
Take care and have a nice day today. :)
- Amy
Hi!
Okay, I checked it out. Apparently, the Reality Resources webpage is undergoing a facelift. So check it out now and then to see if it's up.
Meanwhile, here are a couple of more links, the second one has an interview with Jerry Leach, a former transgender. Check them out.
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=17438
In this link below, go to where it says "Transgender Confusion" for the interview with Jerry Leach. It's in two parts.
http://masteringlife.gospelcom.net/page.php?load=int (broken link)
Tell me what you think. Must get to work, now.
Jim
After this were a few messages passed back & forth between Nicky & Jim. I don't have those messages anymore, but he was saying the same thing he does in his messages above (he's praying for her too). Nicky was defending me & saying that she just sees me as a woman.
Hi Jim,
I forwarded your message on to Nicky. She wrote that message after I let her read the letters we have been sending back and forth (I hope you don't mind). Without realizing she was still on my profile, she wrote to you. I'm sorry she was a little descriptive there. She's protective of me, and often pretty blunt.
Nicky has not corrupted or manipulated me in any way, shape or form. She understands that my inner self is at odds with my physical body, and she loves me for who I am inside. She supports me 100%. She had nothing to do with my decision or the realization of who and what I am. I started hormones in July 2003, and our 6-month anniversary is tomorrow. I was in a brief relationship with another woman last fall, who also considered me as female.
You're making a whole lot of assumptions regarding Nicky (as well as me). She knows that not all men are abusive. She just isn't attracted to them. Similar to myself, it took a lot of soul-searching for her to reach that point.
One does not choose to be transgendered. It's a medical condition. If I chose to live in the same role as that of my physical sex, then I would still be transgendered. I just wouldn't be doing anything about it.
Please try to keep an open mind, and realize that I know more about transsexualism than yourself. Listen to what I say, and know that I speak with the wisdom of having gone through this personally.
Let me ask you something: What if God meant me to be transsexual? What if I was meant to go through this journey, for some purpose higher than myself? "The lord works in mysterious ways," after all.
I have yet to look over your latest links, but I will. Here are a few links of my own to give you.
Here's an article on a transsexual priest:
http://www.ekklesia.co.uk/content/news_syndication/article_050926trans.shtml
Here's an article on a transsexual vicar:
http://www.pfc.org.uk/node/720
Here's an article on the bible and what little of it could be thought to pertain to transsexuality:
http://www.drbecky.com/lynnmont.html
Here's another article:
http://www.whosoever.org/v2Issue2/starchild.html
Please read with an open mind. Try to realize that there is a lot more out there than you have experienced personally. I'll talk to you soon. :)
- Amy
Hello!
Okay, I checked out the links you sent me, as well as a couple of others that are pro-transgender.
My response to the articles on biblical references to transgender, they take the passages from the Bible, and twist it around to mean something else. For instance, a eunuch is not a transgender--he is still a man who simply lost the means to have sex with a woman--but they are still men. And the bit where it says that "there is no male or female, because Christ is in all" that only means that God does not hold men over women, or women over men.
The secular links I have checked out--even those that are pro-transgender--have stated that gender dysphoria is self diagnosed, and that there are no physical characteristics for it, and no test for the condition. I've read the theory that testosterone did not go to the brain, but that is just a theory, and one that does not make any sense. The body is a universe, and connected to one another. How is it possible for testosterone to not reach the brain, but reach everywhere else? Also, it is acknowledged that there is no physical cause for GID or gender dysphoria. So how can it be a medical condition if there is no physical evidence to attest to that?
I have a few more links for you to check out--and I hope you will:
About Gender Dysphoria:
http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+gender+dysphoria.htm#causes (redirects to another page)
You asked me what if God meant for you to be transgendered. I think these links will show you that although He may be allowing you to go down that route by your own free will, it is not His will for you to live that life:
http://www.gotquestions.org/sex-change.html
http://www.bible-infonet.org/ff/editorials/homosexual/107_12_02.htm (broken link)
And especially read this:
http://www.exodusyouth.net/youth/fluid.html#TF (broken link)
I must go to bed, now. As soon as I find more info, I will send them to you. And you are welcome to send me any info you think I should read.
Praying for you,
--Jim
Hello!
I'm sorry for the late response. It took me quite awhile to get to reading all those links. What I have to say, is basically, everyone has opinions. Everyone has opinions on what the bible means, and they very often do not match. Everyone has different opinions on people like me, and they don't all agree. I have to do what I believe. I have to follow the calling of my heart and my soul.
As far as Jerry Leach (yes, I read the whole interview), here is a transsexual who has decided not to align his (I use that pronoun because that is how he sees himself) soul & mind with his body. He suppresses his need to be female in various ways. His faith is important to him. I understand that. There's nothing wrong with the way he is leading his life. It's his to live. But he is not me. His opinions and beliefs do not follow my own. That's perfectly fine in my mind that he helps others in coping with their transsexuality in ways other than transitioning to match the gender within themselves. Many will go back to their old ways. That's okay too. It's all up to the individual and what they want. Everybody is different.
As far as the link about gender dysphoria, most of what is written in there is true, and most of it pertains to me.
As far as that "What does the bible say about getting a sex change." Sigh. I wrote this...
"What if God meant me to be transsexual?"
Then you wrote:
"You asked me what if God meant for you to be transgendered. I think these links will show you that although He may be allowing you to go down that route by your own free will, it is not His will for you to live that life."
They are writing this:
"To say that a sex change is okay is to say that when God created an individual that God made a mistake."
I never said he's making a mistake. Maybe this is his will that I (and others like me) go through this ordeal. Maybe we're meant to learn from it. Who can question or determine the will of God? Well, that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to state what God wants. That's not our purpose, now is it? I am not saying that is true, I'm just wondering. So many people go about saying, "God wants this, God wills you to do that." It's not for us mortals to say.
The rest of that little editorial talks about homosexuality. They say that if you are physically male and have a sex change, then you're still male... so if you're with a man, then you're a homosexual. This doesn't pertain to me, since I'm with a woman. According to the bible, I'm still in a heterosexual relationship. LOL! It's gets better. This quote:
"A woman must not wear men's clothing, and a man must not wear women's clothing. The Lord your God detests people who do this" (Deuteronomy 22:5)."
Right after that, they have a law that you must have a railing around your roof. Who does that nowadays? And you can't have one crop growing in the same field with another crop. Huh? Besides... I'm a female inside, so therefore I must stop wearing the clothes of a male. I'm defying Deuteronomy 22:5 if I keep wearing male clothes. My soul is female. And God knows, your soul is very important.
That link for bible-infonet.com is in regards to homosexuality. According to the bible, I am male no matter what, so since I'm in a monogamous relationship with a woman... I am not homosexual. According to the bible anyway. So I skipped reading that. Next!
As far as the last link, that's his opinion, one of many out there in the world. He has a right to his own opinion. I have a right to disagree with it.
I know that for some reason, you think that all this reading and research is going to change the way I am, and what I want to do with my life. It won't. I did all the research I needed back in 2001/2002. I still do read up from time to time. But the thing is, since that point, I have never ever gotten even close to changing my mind. I know who I am. I've found myself, and that's a wonderful thing. I will be much happier and have a more fulfilled life in a few months (name change, living 24/7 as a woman and moving to Michigan). I'll be okay.
The thing with religious folks is that they often have such closed minds. The bible doesn't speak of transsexuality or sex changes. The surgery didn't exist back then, and transsexuality wasn't known or understood. There is no passage in the bible that relates to transsexuality. This is new. Throwing about God's word or what you think to be God's word isn't going to do anything as far as convincing me I'm on the wrong path. I am agnostic, after all.
- Amy
Hey!
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I had a stomach bug all week. But I'm ok now.
You seem very bent on doing this.
But to respond to what you said:
"I never said he's making a mistake. Maybe this is his will that I (and others like me) go through this ordeal. Maybe we're meant to learn from it. Who can question or determine the will of God? Well, that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to state what God wants. That's not our purpose, now is it? I am not saying that is true, I'm just wondering. So many people go about saying, "God wants this, God wills you to do that." It's not for us mortals to say."
You can determine God's will by 1) reading His Word--the Bible, and 2) having a relationship with Him. Now you're right in saying that I cannot determine what God wants for your life. But you cannot know what God wants for your life if you do not have a relationship with Him. Also, He is not the author of confusion. He would not be so cruel as to gave you a man's body and then tell you that you're a woman trapped in a man's body. Although He may be willing to have you learn from it, I do not believe for one moment that He wants you to alter your body to look like a woman's body (and I stated before, it won't truly be a woman's body). Since by your own admission you are agnostic, you cannot know God's will for your life, since you have no relationship with Him. But you can have one. If you want to know how, I will be glad to tell you.
A question for you--what happens if you have the surgery done, you've gone through with the whole thing, and you find that you're not as fulfilled as you thought you would be. You find that your life is not what you thought it would be. You realize that you made a mistake. But the surgery is irreverseable. You may deeply regret it! Have you thought about that?
One last thought--you say that religious people are often closed-minded. Are you sure you're not being closed-minded as well? Think about it.
Hey Jim,
I already am fulfilled. By moving in this direction, I have become so much more happy in my life. The normal day-to-day things hold new meaning and joy for me. The closer I get to my goal, the happier I become. People tend to think that it's "all about the surgery." It is important, but what is even more important is my role in society and life. Not many people will see what's between my legs. Changing my name and shedding the male role will be the biggest change for me. I'm already half-way there.
I do know that my body will still have some differences from that of the typical female. There's no need to keep bringing that up. I make do with what I have, and what I have is quite a lot. :)
Of course I have thought of the surgery quite often. I'm not one to blindly rush into anything. I think everything through over and over again, and then I think it through again. One has to be absolutely sure of what they are doing. And I have been for years now.
Yes, I know what I want. That's not being closed-minded. In fact, I am more open-minded than I ever have been. It's been over 5 years since I discovered the real me, and there is no doubt in my mind the path that I want to travel. I do see how others can have problems with understanding what I am doing and why. Nevertheless, I do believe that everything happens for a reason. I have learned so much from what I am going through. I feel that I have really gained a great insight on gender and our roles in society. I have experienced life in both a male and a female role. Not just an isolated experience here and there, but life! Work, play, family, relationships, friends, strangers, and everyone in-between. There are so many things that I can relate to on a different level now. I have directly experienced how it is to be a man (or... just look like one, heh!) and how it is to be a woman. It's quite a profound and eye-opening experience.
American Indians have called some members of their tribe, "berdache." These people are of a "third gender." The Indians felt that these tribe members had great wisdom, and they often held important roles in their society. I'm not saying that I am a berdache, as it refers to someone with both a female and a male spirit... I have only one spirit in me, which is female. I'm just trying to show that other beliefs can have value as well. Your faith is playing a large role in keeping you from seeing the truth about me. Of course, you will never believe that. I'm sure you would have troubles even without the religion, but you are unable to see past the bible (which doesn't address transexuality anyway).
- Amy
Jim never approved my friend request. I found this whole tirade to be challenging and interesting. My responses gave me an "uplifted" feeling. Not towards Heaven, but rather a more personal nirvana, if you will. I think I did a good job making my point(s). Though after awhile it did get rather tiring. I suppose more tiring to Jim, or he just got stumped by my reply. That last message from me was sent on May 20th. Jim has yet to write back...
Scars of the Crucifix
By Deicide
Release date: 24 February, 2004
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