I Hate Him With As Much Passion As I Love Her (Blast From the Past Entry)

Here's another old MySpace blog. What I forgot to mention here is that Vanessa (my ex-gf, and at the time, best friend and room-mate) was getting ready to sell the house that I lived in with her. What I left out intentionally is that Nikki had been abused more than just verbally by her then-husband... but also physically and sexually. She told me a few months ago that she didn't mind my mentioning that in my blog. So with that info in hand, you can now see even better why I hated (and still hate) him so much. It's funny... we ended up moving to Michigan, and he stayed in New York. Either way, him being 700 miles away is a very good thing.





Wednesday, December 27, 2006
---------------------------------

Current mood: stressed

I apologize to all who I have not written or been in contact with otherwise. My life has been full of so much stress lately. Well, there are really good parts... and then some not-so-good parts. Things with Nikki and I are going really, really good. It's only a week shy of two months, but we've already come so far and shared so many beautiful memories together. Just thinking about her makes me smile, and sometimes I get butterflies and/or goosebumps. We are going to be moving in together, though I'm not sure what the situation or apartment will be like.

Nikki has three beautiful daughters, who seem to love me and want to be around me, more than their father. He is the major cause of my stress at the moment. He's around right now, but he's going to be moving to Michigan... or at least that's the plan. He and Nikki had been arguing and yelling at each other quite frequently. I was on edge, but I kept my quiet. I was just waiting for him to step too far out of line. Now they seem to be getting along better. Just going shopping and what-not, nothing big. But it bothers me a lot. He seems to be around more. Often when I'm on the phone with her, I hear his voice in the background. I'm not sure what I'm feeling in regards to this. Anxiety? Jealousy? Annoyed? Worried? Whatever it is, it doesn't feel good. I believe that there's nothing going on between them, nor will there be. I just really hate him. I don't know if I've ever felt such a loathing and animosity towards anyone. I'm having trouble just handling that. I liked it better when they didn't speak and avoided one another. You see, he has a history of verbally abusing her, and worse. I can't forgive that... ever. Not only am I worried about such events occurring again, especially when they happened so recently... mere weeks ago, in fact... but I just don't want him there with her. I don't want someone who I hate so much to be running around and doing things with the woman I love.

Besides that, I am dealing with the fact that I don't know where I'll be moving to, and what the situation will be like. Will I even be set to move before the house is sold? Also, stress at work is getting higher. The end of the year is our busiest time and things are getting crazy.

There are a few other things on my plate that I don't even want to get into at this time. I'm just so glad that I have a therapy appointment this weekend. I really need that badly right now. Somehow I don't think a 45-minute appointment will cut it. More like barely scratch the surface.

Currently reading:

The Dragons (Dragonlance Lost Histories, Vol. 6)

By Douglas Niles

Release date: 01 October, 1996